Top O’ the Briefing
Happy Friday, dear Kruiser Morning Briefing friends. Lars felt no obligation to explain to his neighbors the daily deliveries of cotton balls and strawberry Nesquik to his home.
We’ve all lost count of the number of times I have exhorted Team Biden to not let Ol’ Joe off his leash too often. He’s an unfailing embarrassment to a once proud country. Heck, at this point our enemies are probably embarrassed that the United States can’t be taken seriously anymore. They’d probably like more of a challenge.
There are rumors that Joe Biden wants to run for reinstatement via the Magical Mail Ballot Machine reelection and subject the country to Sir Sniffsalot, the Sequel. It’s a frightening prospect, yet one I’m not too worried about for a variety of reasons.
Chief among them is that his relationship with his native tongue is deteriorating by the day. Oh, he can still say a lot of words in English, he just doesn’t say the ones that he’s supposed to in any given moment.
His trip to Ireland this week has provided several examples of Biden’s inability to use his words, a couple of which we’ll look at now.
Sleepy Joe Biden has evidently eaten too much ice cream. He concluded a speech in Ireland Thursday by saying—or rather slurring—“let’s go lick the world.” The Emerald Isle must be so inspired by Biden’s visit.
Anyone familiar with Biden’s work knows that he might literally intend to lick the planet. It’s really not much of a leap from publicly sniffing children to dreaming about giving Earth a tongue bath. And that’s probably not the weirdest kink this guy has. There’s a reason that DOCTOR Mama Jill dresses like a psych ward rec room sofa.
World renowned VodkaPundit Stephen Green has more on President LOLEightyOneMillion’s adventures in Ireland:
Dementia Joe was in full effect Tuesday in Ireland, as the visiting POTUS required guidance from disgraced son Hunter Biden to help him answer a child’s question. The sad event is on display in the latest official White House transcript, perhaps the most difficult transcription job since the King James Bible.
That’s right, Hunter is shadowing Pops on the trip, which tells us two things: no one trust Biden to be out without supervision, and the hookers in Ireland are exhausted.
Mr. Green has the whole transcript and it will make you long for the days when Biden was hiding in his basement even more than you already were.
Barring a manufactured health crisis for Biden, he’s going to have to get out and campaign this time around. That is, of course, unless he starts World War III just to have an excuse to stay home.
Biden has been able to get away with is inability to form coherent sentences thus far because the Democrats’ flying monkeys in the mainstream media rush in and cover for all of his verbal faux pas. There have been countless “What he probably meant to say…” articles written by people who are still laughably referring to themselves as journalists.
It’s going to be exhausting for the MSM hacks to carry water for Biden if he’s on camera every day during the campaign. One wonders how long they can do it before their backs break and they say, “Ooh…there’s a Kennedy in the race.”
If it weren’t so sad for the country, I would take great pleasure watching this pathological liar word barf his way into historical derision.
Eh, I may yet opt for the dark humor entertainment.
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The Mailbag of Magnificence contributions can be sent to [email protected].
The Mailbag of Magnificence
Let us begin with this from William:
Where can i get an Albanian Folk Whistle? I want one.
I don’t know what I’d do without mine, William. Here in Tucson, I get mine in the alley behind the Sudanese haberdasher. Weird alley, I also buy my tamales there.
This is from MB:
“One of my biggest problems with drag queens is that they’re all under the impression that they are talented entertainers when they are neither. There are no particular skills required to put on makeup, throw on a dress, and dance poorly. If any of them actually could dance they wouldn’t need the scary lady clown costumes. Drag queens are garden variety attention whores who have opted for the easiest of entries into the world of faux entertainment. If they ever went into stand-up they’d be prop comics.”
While I suppose that the pervy attention whores have always been part of this, once upon a time there *were* some talented comic artists who exploited the inherent humor of a man pretending to be a woman to enjoyable comic effect. I once knew such a gentleman who was the mainstay and hit of all the local ladies’ church luncheons and community circle events in two small towns in rural western Massachusetts with his over-refined church lady impression. I never cared for it personally, because I just don’t “get” physical comedy (never cared for The Three Stooges either), but I have to feel sorry for the old-fashioned drag comedians whose art has been buried under a flood of weirdos who are determined to perve at kids.
I should have qualified that as “present day drag queens.” Or “story hour drag queens.” I’m a Monty Python fan, it’s not as if I’ve never laughed at someone in drag before (miss you, Terry Jones!). Also, there were some nights in the early part of my career where I barely remember being on stage. Who knows what I might have done for a laugh?
Robert writes (under the subject line: “Trans are the dry run”):
Humans can adopt the notion that men become women and vice versa. Next we’ll be pressed into the belief that AI is also human. (Are you more likely to befriend a clever chatbot or a human of the wrong political persuasion?) It will follow that bots and humans are all just interconnected points of social media with equal value, leading to the end of the domination of the world by man.
At this point, my biggest worry is trying to figure out if the chatbot is trans or not. They can do that, right?
This is from Michael in Missouri:
“The second line of your first paragraphs is always good for a laugh. I recently told a work colleague that I had spotted a couch and chair in blue faux leather that would be perfect for the game room he was building in the crawl space under his house.
Thanks for the inspiration.”
My first thought upon arising each day is, “What can I do to inspire people today?”
OK, it’s actually a run-on thought about going to the bathroom, cat food, and coffee. I’m glad that I was able to inspire you though. Let’s do it again!
We will conclude with this from John:
“Candace never regretted the years she devoted to fashioning likenesses of the von Trapp children out of Rice Krispies bars.”
Von Trapp children made out of Rice Krispies bars? These are a few of my favorite things!
The more obscure your references, the more I enjoy them. Keep ‘em coming!”
I will definitely keep them coming, John. I do worry on occasion that I might run out of random weirdness, but then I remember that I’ve met me.
Thank you to all who keep writing in! You’re the best!
Everything Isn’t Awful
Me in the grocery store.. 😅
🎥 IG: __animaruha__ pic.twitter.com/fqJWge6bGp
— Buitengebieden (@buitengebieden) April 13, 2023
PJ Media
Kevin and Kruiser. ‘Unwoke’ Free-for-All #34: Democrats’ Denial of Reasons for Crime in Blue Cities
VodkaPundit. ‘Dementia Joe’ Needs Hunter to Help Him Answer a Question from… a Child?
Feds Arrest Mass. Air Guardsman in Pentagon Leaked Documents Case
Too Much Ice Cream: Biden Tells Irish to ‘Lick the World’
The ‘Biden Crime Family’ Was All-in on Gain-of-Function Research
VodkaPundit, Part Deux. ‘URBAN STRUGGLES’: Walmart Closing Half Its Chicago Locations
Could Reading C.S. Lewis or J.R.R. Tolkien Be Subversive in the UK?
Biden’s Pentagon Replaces Catholic Priests at Walter Reed With ‘Beltway Bandit’s’ Staffers
Losing His Head: ‘RuPaul’s Drag Race’ Co-Creator On ‘Mission’ to Take the Show to Iran
Building Our Own Platform: Rumble Scores Exclusive Streaming Rights for RNC Primary Debate
How Did the U.S. Miss Highly Sensitive Leaked Documents Circulating on Social Media?
“RAAAAACI…oh wait.” Fraudulent Studies Withdrawn as Professor Is Caught Faking the Racism Narrative
White House Insider Says He Can Prove ‘Conspiracy’ Between Joe, Hunter, and Ukraine
Now, Which Party Is the Party of the Rich?
Is Biden’s Hatred of the English Showing on His Ireland Trip?
“Mom! I got a job!” Welcome New York City’s First-ever ‘Rat Czar’
After Disciplining NPR, Elon Musk Moves on British State Media BBC
Vatican Apologizes to the ‘Infidel Enemies of the Christian Name’
Brutal Farm Fire Kills 18,000 Cows
Pelosi Enraged by Calls for DiFi to Resign, and You Can Probably Guess Why
Is Mitch McConnell’s Retirement Imminent?
Townhall Mothership
Tim Scott Says He Would Support a 20-Week Nationwide Abortion Ban If He Becomes President
Kevin McCarthy’s Job Approval Reaches New Heights Since Taking the House Speaker Gavel
The Climate Change Gang Is Weighing in on Baseball…And It’s a Little Bonkers
Dem. Katie Porter Poured Boiling Hot Potatoes On Husband’s Head, Verbally and Physically Abused Him
Sen. Ted Cruz fires back at NBA Coach Gregg Popovich
Cam&Co. The war on gun shops continues
First “smart gun” actually hits market
Three British women plan to sue Andrew Tate
Yeah, go with that. Laughable: Equality Florida warns that Florida is “unsafe”
Virginia Gov. Youngkin Heads Into Battle vs. Loudoun County Schools Over Transgender Bathroom Policy
BREAKING: DeSantis Issues Late-Night Statement After Signing 6-Week Abortion Ban Into Law
Washington State Strips Parents of ‘Trans’ Kids of Their Rights — I Did Nazi This Coming
Politico reports Republicans stoking the fires of the next big culture war: Electric cars
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Around the Interwebz
The perfect Lego Nintendo Game Boy doesn’t exist…
‘Guardians Of The Galaxy Vol. 3’ Tracking To $130M U.S. Opening
AI Is Coming for Your Fortune Cookies
Reduct This
Studies Show Tornado Alley Is Moving East to Pursue a Career in the Arts: https://t.co/4MpZVrVahO pic.twitter.com/sMlGNptNto
— Reductress (@Reductress) April 13, 2023
The Kruiser Kabana
Kabana Gallery
Haymakers Resting, 1891 #danishart #pointillism https://t.co/HUi5LeVtyL pic.twitter.com/T12zdxIB2m
— Camille Pissarro (@artpissarro) April 3, 2023
Kabana Tunes
We finished last week with some stress-free ’70s fun, let’s do the same this week with something from the ’80s.
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