The Morning Briefing: Your No-Pants Apocalypse Guide to Election Day 2020

(AP Photo/Alex Brandon)
If You Experience An Election That Lasts More Than Four Weeks…

Happy Election Day, my dear Kruiser Morning Briefing friends. I was told there would be nachos.

Are we having fun yet?!?!?

Our long national nightm…

Nah. I’m not going to go there. Would I prefer that our primaries and campaigns were shorter? Yes. I am, however, still grateful for the opportunity to vote, despite the efforts of so many to denigrate our elections. I’m one of those old-fashioned weirdos who still likes to vote on Election Day. The honor and the thrill of it never diminishes and this is approximately my seventeen millionth election. In the beginning, my opposition to mail-in voting was mostly about tradition. It was a long time before all of the fraud stuff began to play upon my brain.

I suppose I should get my non-prediction out of the way. The exuberance and confidence of my friends and colleagues about Trump’s reelection haven’t rubbed off on me. I still can’t pretend to have the slightest idea about how this all will play out. There are encouraging signs, to be sure, but I wouldn’t dismiss the power of the one-note COVID panic-porn campaign that Biden has run.

The only gut feeling I’ve had for a while is that, if Trump wins, it will probably be an Electoral College blowout. That’s pure gut, by the way. I don’t do the interactive electoral maps or crunch any numbers. I do read VodkaPundit’s “Wargaming the Electoral College” series though. Still, I’m just going by instinct with this opinion.

The one thing that I do know for certain is that people should not pay attention whatsoever to exit polls. They’re garbage. They exist to give brain-dead network news talking heads something to babble about before any real results come in. Don’t get sucked into the madness.

Rather than deal with the MSM at all, why not spend your quality results-stalking time with us here at PJ Media?

I will be hosting an Election Day episode of the “War for the White House” podcast with Townhall’s Storm Paglia and our own VodkaPundit. I’ll have that posted here shortly after we are done recording.

For election results and commentary, you can join us on our live blog, which will begin at 1 PM EST and go until I fall asleep at my desk in the wee hours of Wednesday morning. It’s all hands on deck for this one, and we do like to have our irreverent fun when covering debates or elections. A presidential election is our Super Bowl, so we will be partying no matter how the day goes. Trust me, friends, you will enjoy “hanging out” with us much more than listening to a bunch of stuffed shirts on television. The link for the festivities will be live on the homepage at 1 PM EST.

Once again, we’ve partnered with the venerable Decision Desk HQ, which is one of the seven outlets that Twitter has approved for reporting election results. We will, of course, be giving you results in the live blog but there is also a menu for results near the top of our Election 2020 page.

While I may have no idea how the election itself will go, I do know for sure that we are going to have a lot of fun covering it. We know that we have the most astute, witty, and good-looking readers out there, which is what makes our work so enjoyable.

Since we are on the side that doesn’t let everything about politics turn us into screaming banshees, let’s go enjoy ourselves.


All of These Are Hilarious

“Listen, Fat!” 

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Smells Like Onion

The Kruiser Kabana

I hope my liver doesn’t sue me for emancipation after this.


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PJ Media Senior Columnist and Associate Editor Stephen Kruiser is the author ofDon’t Let the Hippies ShowerandStraight Outta Feelings: Political Zen in the Age of Outrage,” both of which address serious subjects in a humorous way. Monday through Friday he edits PJ Media’s “Morning Briefing.” His columns appear twice a week.