The Morning Briefing: Chuck Schumer Is Now Driving His Own Clown Car

Top O' the Briefing

Happy Friday, dear Kruiser Morning Briefing friends. Heruboördt insists that any existential crisis comes to a halt after a meal of Duck à l'Orange and vodka-infused Twinkies.

Does anybody remember Senate Minority Leader Charles Schumer? He was all over the news just a few weeks ago because he was on the hot seat. The rumor was that many Senate Democrats grown weary of Schumer's feckless leadership and were looking to push him out of leadership.

My, what a difference a sex scandal makes.

Eric Swalwell's protracted exit from politics has preoccupied the Democrats of late, which has pushed Schumer and his troubles into the background. One of my longstanding beliefs about Schumer is that, despite having risen to the top of Dem leadership, he's one of the dumbest people in the Senate — think East Coast Mazie Hirono.

He's also a pathetic attention seeker. Schumer actually seems to have missed the spotlight while Swalwell was dominating the news cycles. Nevermind that the spotlight hadn't been very comfortable for him the last time he was in it, the idiot Schumer just can't help himself.

Chuckster hit the Senate floor on Thursday to have a foot-stomping tantrum about President Trump and the war in Iran, which my Townhall colleague Dmitri Bolt wrote about. Here's part of Schumer's screed:

"There's an old saying that says success has a thousand fathers, but failure is an orphan. The Republicans who voted against our War Powers Resolution yesterday may try to dodge responsibility for Trump's failed war, but they have joint custody over this debate, and certainly, the war is a debacle," the Senate Minority Leader declared. "After 48 days of destruction, carnage, and soaring costs here in America and around the world, Trump has no idea how to end this war, just as he had no plan when he started it."

Of all the alternative universe narratives that the Democrats have pitched in the past few years, none has been more divorced from reality than the idea that we are not doing well with Operation Epic Fury and that President Trump didn't have a plan for the war. It's a conclusion that can only be arrived at if one is in the throes of Trump Derangement Syndrome.

I wrote last week that it is rather naive for people to expect this war to have been wrapped up in just a few weeks, especially with as powerful as Iran was in the region. It's not a television reality show with a fixed ending.

The notion that President Trump went to war on a whim without a plan is patently absurd. That's another TDS thing. Its sufferers are incapable of admitting that Trump is good at anything. Schumer is also an almost lifer as a politician. He doesn't understand people who have been successful in the private sector. Donald Trump didn't become a billionaire by doing things haphazardly. Admitting that he is not only competent, but very good at what he does simply cannot be tolerated in the TDS fever dream. They're operating from a playbook that portrays the president as a hotheaded, incompetent buffoon, which is why they keep losing to him.

In Schumer's telling of the tale, Iran is doing quite well and President Trump is "practicing the art of defeat." Yeah, he's that far gone. It's obvious that Schumer thinks that if he does enough unhinged Trump bashing, his fellow Dems in the Senate might forget how they felt about him in March.

All the anti-Trump ranting in the world can't cover up the fact that Chuck Schumer is a bumbling moron. They're going to remember.

Contributions to the Mailbag of Magnificence can be sent to [email protected]

The Mailbag of Magnificence

We have a couple of quick ones to wrap up the week. The volume of emails tapered off a lot the last couple of days. If people are going to start having lives, what are we even doing here?!?!? I did receive a few long notes, but I can't do much with them here in the Mailbox.

We'll start with this one from Liz:

I like the idea of new words, but feaseless doesn't do anything for me either. Lately I've been using a word I saw online: Pistify. (Pissed off at something that mystifies) As in, I'm pistified that the HOA is demanding the latin genus and species for my boxwoods.

My intention was never to pile on the idea of feaseless. I want to encourage all adventures in wordsmithing. Pistified is pretty choice, and I may find a way to use it soon. Also, your boxwoods are of the genus Buxus. Not having a picture for reference, I'd say that the species is most likely Buxus sempervirens. The more you know...

Nick in Michigan writes this about my question at the end of yesterday's Top O' the Briefing:

For equality's sake, it's definitely OK to tell Kammy she is just sad. Also, Trapper Keeper Feelings Journal was going to be the the name of my Air Supply tribute band.

Well played, Nick, well played. You make fun, out of nothing at all.

Thanks, everyone. Drop me a weekend note!

Everything Isn't Awful

A baby goat practicing it’s charge but cat thought it was asking for cuddles.. 😅 pic.twitter.com/WqbYOBUhgy
— Buitengebieden (@buitengebieden) April 16, 2026

The Kruiser Kabana

Kabana Gallery

Roofs of the Cobb Barn - 1931 #artbots #hopper pic.twitter.com/EstSBZnlCx
— Edward Hopper (@artisthopper) April 16, 2026

Kabana Comedy/Tunes

Let's go into the weekend with some loud stuff. Slow intro and build-up on the first one, but it's worth it.

Weekend Bonus

POTUS Press Today

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
04/15/26

DAILY GUIDANCE AND PRESS SCHEDULE FOR
THURSDAY, APRIL 16 AND FRIDAY, APRIL 17, 2026

THURSDAY, APRIL 16, 2026

In-Town Pool
TV Corr & Crew: NBC
Secondary TV Corr: Newsmax
Photos: AP, AFP, NYT, Reuters, Getty
Print: Politico
Secondary Print: Boston Globe
Radio: CBS
New Media: NOTUS

Out-of-Town Travel Pool
TV Corr & Crew: NBC
Secondary TV Corr: NewsNation
Photos: AP, AFP, NYT, Reuters, Getty
Print: Politico
Additional Print: Bloomberg, Daily Caller
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EDT:
9:00 AM In-Town Pool Call Time
11:25 AM Out-of-Town Travel Pool Call Time

8:00 AM THE PRESIDENT participates in Executive Time
The White House
Closed Press

11:00 AM THE PRESIDENT receives his Intelligence Briefing
The White House
Closed Press

THE PRESIDENT departs The White House en route Las Vegas, Nevada
The White House
Open Press

4:00 PM THE PRESIDENT participates in a Roundtable and Remarks on Tax Day
AC Hotel Las Vegas Symphony Park
Pre-Credentialed Media

FRIDAY, APRIL 17, 2026

Out-of-Town Travel Pool
TV Corr & Crew: NBC
Secondary TV Corr: NewsNation
Photos: AP, AFP, NYT, Reuters, Getty
Print: Politico
Additional Print: Bloomberg, Daily Caller
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TV Corr & Crew: ABC
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Photos: AP, AFP, NYT, Reuters, Getty
Print: Regional Reporters
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New Media: Reason Magazine

EDT:
10:30 AM Out-of-Town Travel Pool Call Time
9:45 PM In Town Pool Call Time

8:00 AM THE PRESIDENT participates in Executive Time
Las Vegas, Nevada
Closed Press

THE PRESIDENT departs Las Vegas, Nevada, en route Phoenix, Arizona
Las Vegas, Nevada
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2:00 PM THE PRESIDENT delivers Remarks to TPUSA
Dream City Church
Pre-Credentialed Media

THE PRESIDENT departs Phoenix, Arizona, en route The White House
Phoenix, Arizona
Out-of-Town Travel Pool

THE PRESIDENT arrives The White House
The White House
Open Press

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