It's been a while since I've dunked on Meghan Markle, our American Duchess of Nothing, and her hubby, Harry. I've been trying to be good, but these two are on a four-day trip to Australia, which is being described as a "rent-a-royal" tour by royal insiders, and they're making absolute fools of themselves, as they do.
Host Kinsey Schofield told Fox News Digital, "The palace is unhappy about these rent-a-royal tours because it blatantly disregards the late queen’s very specific instruction that there can be no half-in, half-out for the Sussexes."
"All they are doing in Australia is monetizing their titles and clinging to royal relevance, even though most of Prince Harry’s family refuse to take his phone calls," she added. "The purpose of the Australian tour is monetary, but it is also to look like royals because the world has rejected Harry and Meghan as reality stars and podcasters. Their relevance remains through their proximity to the British royal family. The royal family thinks it’s disrespectful."
"This faux royal roadshow elevates the Sussex brand while undermining the very institution that gave them the platform," British broadcaster Helena Chard also told Fox News Digital. "The Australians are asking: Who exactly is this tour for?"
If you'll recall, Harry and Meghan stepped down from their royal duties in 2020, claiming they wanted out of the spotlight, and moved to North America where they've spent the last six years doing everything they possibly can to keep the spotlight on themselves and pretend they're still valuable members of the British Royal Family when it suits them. This trip is just another example of that.
Even local Australian newspapers are mocking them, claiming they were there to promote their own brand, but a spokesperson for the couple issued a statement claiming that's false.
The program is rooted in long-standing areas of work for the Duke and the Duchess, with a clear focus on amplifying organizations delivering measurable impact. The visit prioritizes listening, learning and supporting communities rather than promotion.
The statement also suggests they are participating in "a small number of private engagements" to "support broader charitable and commercial objectives."
Look, I'm not a big fan of his, but Jeff Bezos was in Costa Rica recently doing something to promote his own "charitable objectives," and he managed to do it with a lot less fanfare. Like him or not, I'd argue that he's far more influential to the world than these two dimwits, and yet he managed to do this pretty quietly. If I didn't stay on top of Costa Rican media for personal reasons, I wouldn't have known myself.
They could have easily dialed their trip publicity back a notch or two — starting with not issuing public statements, forbidding cameras to accompany them, and not requiring so many police escorts that the public complained — but that's not how this couple operates. They must alert the press and the paparazzi and bring along loads of security so everyone knows just how important they are. Here's how it's gone so far.
On Tuesday, Harry and Meghan arrived at the Royal Children's Hospital, where they met with and took selfies with sick children. Several Australian media outlets have called the visit "performative" and "phony" and said it was merely a "photo op" for the two fake royals who were "exploiting" the children. Many noted that some of the children looked as if they had no idea who these people are.
Sick children had to have their masks removed so H&M could get a good photo shot. pic.twitter.com/PjEmOxFbxq
— Grandma-Mugga (@MuggaGrand3375) April 15, 2026
The same day, Meghan took a solo trip to McAuley Community Services for Women, a shelter for women and children who survive domestic abuse and homelessness. The problem with this is that she was dressed to the nines, wearing over $100,000 worth of high-end fashion and jewelry from brands like Dior and Cartier, including a $26,000 watch and $8,000 bracelet that matched her $1,000 shoes. Because nothing screams supporting the homeless like marching into their shelter wearing enough designer duds to buy them a house or pay their rent for several years. Meghan, as far as I know, didn't donate any of these items for the cause. But she did serve them a frittata, so there's that.
The Australian media called this "tone-deaf." That's correct.
On Wednesday, Meghan filmed what many are calling a "cringey" episode of Masterchef Australia, on which she appeared as a celebrity guest judge, while Harry participated in a ceremony at the Australian War Memorial.
On Thursday, Harry was a speaker at the InterEdge Summit, where he spent a lot of time rambling on about how he didn't want to be a royal because it "killed my mum." Many in the Australian media called it "Californian psychobabble" and accused him of “whinging." In order to hear it in person, attendees had to pay $706. for a ticket.
But Harry wasn't the only one "whinging" on Thursday. Meghan and her hubby appeared at some sort of youth mental health event at Swinburne University, where she pulled out her victim card and said, "For now, 10 years, every day for 10 years, I have been bullied and attacked. And I was the most trolled person in the entire world."
The delusions of grandeur are strong with this one. Harry also spoke about how young people should not be afraid to go to therapy, unlike him, who was "literally in the fetal position, much older, lying on the kitchen floor" when he made the decision.
Anyway, in addition to bringing camera crews along to watch them play at being charitable, these two have more planned for Australia. I guess these are the "commercial objectives" their spokesperson talked about.
Meghan is apparently having meetings regarding launching her "As Ever" brand in Australia, and she will speak at a retreat where tickets prices start at $2,699 per person.
Seems expensive, but I don't know... I think I'd be willing to pay that much for Australia to just keep these two.
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