The Morning Briefing: What if They Gave a Republican Primary and Nobody Came?

(AP Photo/Wilfredo Lee, File)

Top O’ the Briefing

Happy Wednesday, dear Kruiser Morning Briefing friends. Delwark received more than a few strange glances when he brought Spam fricassee to the Whist Club summer picnic.

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Yesterday’s Briefing had a few real gems in it. Going off on Hillary Clinton gets my creative juices flowing. Alas, when I woke up and checked the comments and emails, I found that more people had focused on the ONE typo I made rather than the content. Someone even tweeted me about it.

Mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa.

In the immortal words of Rodney Dangerfield, “Rough crowd.”

Are we really doing this Republican primary season? I mean, I know that debates and voting are scheduled, but have you met anyone who’s thinking, “I can’t wait to get this all started?” Presidential election cycles in the United States are longer than the John Galt speech in “Atlas Shrugged,” which I’m not sure really ever ended. A lot of people are fatigued by the time the first debate airs.

Seeking to preside over a fourth monumental disaster of an election, RNC Chairwoman Ronna “Oh God It’s Another Romney” McDaniel made the criteria for qualifying for the debates only slightly more difficult than making the playoffs in the NBA or the NHL. The first slew of candidates to meet the requirements have been announced, and Anthony wrote about it for us:

The candidates who have met these requirements include former President Donald Trump, Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis, former U.N. Ambassador Nikki Haley, millionaire tycoon Vivek Ramaswamy, former New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie, South Carolina Sen. Tim Scott, North Dakota Gov. Doug Burgum, and former Vice President Mike Pence.

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I know what you’re thinking: “What’s a Burgum?” I feel you, people. And I refuse to Google it.

It’s nigh on impossible to figure out how the Republican electorate is served by finding out where Chris Christie, the Burgum dude, and even Mike Pence are on the issues. None of them are viable candidates, and none of them are in the mix to be Trump’s the eventual nominee’s running mate. Their opinions on Ukraine, domestic spending, or ketchup on hotdogs are wastes of our time. (Side note: Chris Christie will put ketchup on anything.)

The only drama surrounding the first debate is whether Donald Trump will deign to make an appearance. He doesn’t seem to have much interest in that:

“I’m leading by 40 points. A lot of people say, ‘Why would you do a debate when you have people at two and three and fifteen and fourteen [percent]?’” Trump told John Catsimatidis, host of the “Cats & Cosby Show” in April.  “People don’t debate when they have these massive leads. They say, ‘Why would we debate?’ I would have a hostile group of anchors — a hostile network — asking questions. Why would I do that?”

“When you’re way up, you don’t do debates,” the former president continued.

Another way to look at it is that you’ve got a huge lead. Maybe don’t play prevent defense and press your advantage instead. Also, the Trump I like would never have backed down from a confrontation with a biased hostile anchor. He reveled in verbally smacking those people down. Perhaps all the time hanging around the gaga-eyed fanboys in the Truth Social wasteland has made The Donald go a little soft.

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Whether the Escalator MAGA faithful like it or not, Trump will have to win a lot of independent and moderate Republican votes next year if he is the nominee. I’m not sure the “Take my ball and go home” shtick during the primary debates will serve him well with them, especially the latter group.

There was some entertainment value in the 2016 GOP debates. Then again, Trump’s digs against his opponents were sharper and more fun at the time. His exile in Truth Social hasn’t helped him there either. “DeSanctimonious” reeks of low-t- Jeb! energy.

It’s worth wondering what kind of malaise might descend upon an already skeptical and frustrated Republican electorate if the RNC stages debates for four months and the headliner doesn’t show up. Dysfunctional family reality shows never turn out well for the families involved. Four months of airing that kind of dirty laundry on television could really wear on the independents. They’ve got good memories.

Having the lackluster also-rans in the debates, coupled with the “Will he/won’t he?” Trump drama is just going to make the interminably long primary and general election cycle seem even longer.

I have to go stock my bar cart.

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