Hola, amigos and amigas! At this point, we're not sure where Kruiser is — the last time any of us saw him, he was hosting a silent retreat at a Bass Pro Shop in Michigan. So, you'll have to settle for me today...
In Wednesday's Morning Briefing, our own Kevin Downey, Jr. talked about AWFLs, the affluent white female liberals who are ruining our country. In an effort to be fair and balanced, I'd like to add that behind every one of them is usually some effeminate, affluent, white, liberal "man" who wishes he could menstruate, watches Property Brothers, and secretly wishes his favorite AWFL would paint his toenails to match hers.
You can typically find his cojones in a little jar on a shelf next to her "Live, Laugh, Dismantle the Patriarchy" sign.
Somehow, some of these men have made it into United States leadership. I won't name any names; I'll just throw up a few pictures and videos of this type of specimen for you to examine.
For some reason, you can often find them up in Minnesota. This one almost became vice president:
Tim Walz fixes trucks with those jazz hands?
— Ryan Wilson (@RyanDWilsonMN) December 10, 2025
Not buying it. https://t.co/GA3Vg72Z2L pic.twitter.com/8iUsqvV9Af
This one seems to wish he were in Somalia. I have a feeling he wouldn't get out alive:
Minneapolis mayor Jacob Frey dancing with Somalis on a visit to Somalia
— Libs of TikTok (@libsoftiktok) January 4, 2026
Jk…. It’s his voters in Minneapolis pic.twitter.com/W4v8EbCkuh
This one might actually be a lesbian:
Pretty sure @JustinTrudeau is gay. No wonder his wife just left after 18 years of marriage. pic.twitter.com/fLue8BzN6b
— Heather Mullins (@TalkMullins) August 6, 2023
Oops, wait, that's not the United States. I went too far north.
Some of them are also in California. This one is running for governor:
HOLY CRINGE! Let's check in on Eric Swalwell's run for California Governor pic.twitter.com/cGpRMtrNFT
— Breaking911 (@Breaking911) December 21, 2025
And this one actually is the governor. (Whoever created this video deserves the Pulitzer Prize for memes.):
Gavin Newsom withdrew his lawsuit and he is also gay.pic.twitter.com/4ZK0LjbxIK
— Brandie with a 🐝 (@BrandieWithABee) December 27, 2025
But do you know where you won't find men like this? In the mother-flippin' Donald Trump administration.
Welcome to 2026, the year of the red-blooded American man. You won't find him organizing drag queen story hours, getting upset because someone called him a "retard," or telling us his pronouns.
He's too busy capturing dictators.
Hegseth on Maduro: "He effed around, and he found out" pic.twitter.com/kFEl7qEEC5
— Aaron Rupar (@atrupar) January 3, 2026
He's too busy shutting down the MSM.
JUST IN: CNN's Jake Tapper ends interview after fiery clash with Stephen Miller over the future of Venezuela.
— Collin Rugg (@CollinRugg) January 5, 2026
Tapper: "We went into the country, and we seized the leader of Venezuela..."
Miller: "D*mn straight we did!! We're not going to let tin-pot communist dictators send… pic.twitter.com/aU5frDnvGN
He's too busy training with the Navy Seals while sitting one heartbeat — or one 2028 campaign — away from becoming the most powerful man in the world.
EXCLUSIVE: New photos obtained by FOX News Digital show Vice President JD Vance training with U.S. Navy SEALs in California — a 90-minute workout the vice president later said left him feeling like he’d been "hit by a freight train."
— Fox News (@FoxNews) December 23, 2025
"So grateful to all of our warriors who keep… pic.twitter.com/05qcI9kJ6F
He's too busy putting the "health" back in Health and Human Services.
About the best upgrade, you could possibly ask for. Congratulations to RFK Junior! pic.twitter.com/m16yYE5GWt
— Oliver (life, liberty, happiness) 🇺🇸🔥🔫 (@Oliversworld24) February 13, 2025
He's too busy pushing for the eradication of socialism across an entire hemisphere.
Llegó la motosierra a DOGE...!!!
— Javier Milei (@JMilei) February 20, 2025
The Chainsaw has arrived at DOGE...!!!
VIVA LA LIBERTAD CARAJO
Cc: @elonmusk pic.twitter.com/jr7vwwGFKU
Oops. I went too far south, but bless that man, too.
My point is that we're just a week into 2026, and these men — real men — of the Trump administration are out there kicking butt and showing the world who's boss, and they're doing so unapologetically. I can't turn away. I've been working every night until well after midnight just because this is such an exciting time to be alive.
This is exactly what I voted for. After years of lukewarm whatever Joe Biden was, Trump and his men — okay, his women too... to be honest, if I were in danger, I'd call Kristi Noem before I called Tim Walz or Eric Swalwell — are making me believe in my country again.
God bless the United States of America, and if the remaining 51 weeks of 2026 are anything like this first one, I'm not sure I'll ever sleep. Keep it up, guys. You're giving me and every other non-AWFL woman in this country the vapors.
The Marco Minute
Did you really think I was going to talk about the men of the Trump administration and leave out the best one? All of my gal pals fawn over Stephen Miller, JD Vance, and Pete Hegseth, but for me, it's Rubio for life. Today alone, he briefed the House and Senate; met with the Saudi foreign minister; withdrew the United States from 66 "wasteful, ineffective, or harmful" international organizations; and worked on buying Greenland, all while running Venezuela and the National Archives.
That's hot. What's even hotter is when he schools a Sunday show info babe on why we must protect our Western Hemisphere.
.@SecRubio: "This is the Western Hemisphere. This is where we live — and we're not going to allow the Western Hemisphere to be a base of operation for adversaries, competitors, and rivals of the United States." pic.twitter.com/Jd5dUY5frt
— Rapid Response 47 (@RapidResponse47) January 4, 2026
Last time I was here, I suggested y'all contact Kruiser and tell him that the "Marco Minute" should become a permanent part of the Morning Briefing. I'm stubborn and not giving up this mission. Email Kruiser and demand it stays... or, at least, send him your contributions to the Mailbag of Magnificence at [email protected].
Click the button below to get the Morning Briefing emailed to you every weekday. Have your coffee with Kruiser and me, people. It's free and it supports conservative media!
Everything Isn't Awful
This is Ziggy. He couldn't contain his excitement for pool day. There's nowhere he'd rather be than here with his fish. 13/10 pic.twitter.com/Jj2ZmPRbxR
— WeRateDogs (@dog_rates) September 8, 2025
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The Kruiser Kabana, Southern Edition
Kabana Gallery
One day, I will own something by Steve Penley. He's a fine artist and fellow UGA guy.
Kabana Comedy
I think I featured Atlanta comedian Nick Murphy last time, but I'm gonna do it again because I adore him.
Kabana Tunes
Do we have any Avett Brothers fans around here? These North Carolina boys can sing.
Kabana TV
Pretty sure "Kabana TV" isn't a thing, but I spent a lot of time in November and December watching Queen of the South, and I wanted to recommend it — I just haven't had a chance. It's a violent cartel show, so keep that in mind, and speaking of red-blooded American men, ladies, I could recommend it for James Valdez alone. Holy moly.
POTUS Press Today
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