The Morning Briefing: Begun, the Meme Assault on Canada Has...

Top O' the Briefing

Happy Wednesday, dear Kruiser Morning Briefing friends. The Sine Qua Non Sequitur is judging a velvet painting retrospective of Bolivian highland plow oxen.

Sometimes, the news can be a lot of fun.

Like any red-blooded American, I take great delight in being dismissive of the alleged country of Canada. When you're the country whose national symbol is an eagle, mocking the sad neighbor that's sporting a tree leaf is easy and, let's be honest, necessary. Canada may as well have a "Kick Me" sign taped to its back.

They've all lost their way up there ever since we took hockey from them. Canada's biggest export in recent years has been reasons to mock it. Canadian Maple Festival King (also called the "prime minister") Mark Carney (no relation to Art) has just given us the best one yet. He doesn't want to engage in talks about a trade agreement because Americans have been giving him a good taunting. Matt covered it yesterday:

"And when the Americans stop doing memes, stop throwing shade, stop trying to be tough and start being serious about having those discussions we can have those discussions," Carney said. "Look it's not constructive but that's their democracy."

A couple of years ago, it would have been preposterous to suggest that soy boy Justin Trudeau's successor would be an even more pathetic wimp, but here we are. Shade has been thrown, and delicate derrières have been chafed.

Let's set aside for the moment Carney's insane belief that he can strongarm the U.S. in a trade war and talk about free speech. Carney's very specific complaint is a perfect snapshot of where Canada is these days when it comes to free expression. Much like their cousins over in the United Kingdom, Canadian leftists have been engaged in a full frontal assault on speech in the 21st century. Yes, Carney is you-know-what hurt by what is being said and written by Americans about Canada, but he's even more apoplectic about the fact that he can't punish the U.S. for the First Amendment.

Canadian leftists have been giving us glimpses into our future if we let the Democrats get too much power again. All leftists have tyrant blood coursing through their veins, but the COVID pandemic really gave them a taste of the kind of totalitarian power that they fetishize. They're not interested in slowly implementing their retro-Soviet agendas, they want to severely punish what they label wrongthink right now. Old Stasi and NKVD stories are porn to these wannabe dictators.

Carney's country is in an even worse position for a trade war than it is for a meme war. Matt shares this quote from Secretary of the Treasury Scott Bessent about Canada's odds in this battle: "Well, I don't think you can be in a tit-for-tat with someone who's 13 times larger than you are.” Canadians are chihuahuas nipping at the heels of the United States here, which only intensifies Carney's foot-stomping pique.

The best part of the current acrimony, of course, was President Trump's changing the name of Lake Ontario to Lake America. Nobody trolls on an international level like Trump. Carney probably spends a lot of time on the phone with his predecessor telling each other that it's perfectly natural for men to cry.

The Democrats' flying monkeys in the mainstream media have been portraying Carney has some sort of tough guy for "standing up to Trump." After his low-T meme snit, tough guy Carney could probably use a tissue and one of those donut cushions the next time he sits down.

via GIPHY

Contributions to the Mailbag of Magnificence can be sent to [email protected]

Click the button to get the Morning Briefing emailed to you every weekday. Have your coffee with me, people. It's free, and it supports conservative media!

The Mailbag of Magnificence

We'll begin with this from MB stalwart Jerome:

Hey Kruiser, If we are going to fix school lunches, let’s just mandate the menu from the 70’s and 80’s. It must have been good for us. All us kids were skinny and healthy back then. The only change should be a mandate that sheet pan pizza has to be served once a week.

Speak for yourself. I was a chubby kid until I was a senior in high school. Thank you, teenage growth spurt!

Brice has lost his way:

I make no apologies. I like to eat unhealthy food. God designed sugar to trigger dopamine in the human body and I refuse to disappoint God... at least when it comes to cane sugar. I have other ways to disappoint god. I for one will continue to seek the comfort and pleasure of food I like and not what the government tells me I should eat.

You can eat all the garbage that you want. Unless you're K-12 age, no one in the government is telling you what to eat. But you knew that.

Tim S. writes:

Hi Mr. Kruiser, I just watched that SNL video "My Best Friend's House" you posted in Tuesday's Morning Briefing. Boy, that brought back many fond memories--and why I never go back to my hometown.

Wait, your best friend's dad was a serial killer? Yeah, avoid the reunions.

I may have Friend of the Briefing Sharon start writing synopses for me:

Kudos, Kruiser, as always, your MB knows how to get my juices flowing! The MAHA revolution on our 'out-of-shape' nation by that turncoat, RFK is reeking havoc on a system that causes more problems rather than finding solutions! Of course the maxi-morons are upset! Don't want to kill abortion whenever, or end their 'no-restrictions' welfare dole, or stop a pill, a shot, a check, or free stuff, because they know socialites want that stuff! Their goal is a mentally, physically, financially unfit nation! To the rescue, Trump takes that reject, turning him into a treasure trove of ways to heal our land! For those of us who are sick and tired of the government garbage shoved on us in every institution, make them eat sauerkraut! Get rid of the crap the RFK way!

Amen, sister. They want us fat and lethargic, RFK Jr. wants us lean and mean. His family was OK when Teddy drowned a staffer, then went back to his hotel for a cocktail, but RFK is the black sheep for trying to kill processed foods. That's all anyone needs to know about that clan.

Michael E. wraps things up for us:

Mr. Kruiser, As a long time reader of the MB, (I started before you even took over,) I have to ask, how is your pet Chet? You have not mentioned him in a very long time. NormalGuyAZ

OK, I know I drank a lot on all those Zoom happy hours during the Wuhan Chinese Bat Flu pandemic, but I don't recall having a pet named "Chet." I did have an Uncle Chet when I was young. He was cool.

Thanks, email pen pals!

Everything Isn't Awful

Drunk college kids at a taco truck.

Newborn kittens don’t have much coordination yet, so nursing often turns into a lot of climbing, pushing and rolling over each other pic.twitter.com/T1e1ZGxZlD
— Nature Unedited (@NatureUnedited) September 1, 2026

The Kruiser Kabana

Kabana Gallery

Pines and Eucalyptus at Cavelieri #artbots #vanrysselberghe pic.twitter.com/6W4jJI1O9t
— Théo Rysselberghe (@artrysselberghe) September 1, 2026

Kabana Comedy/Tunes

One of the 10 greatest achievements in cinema.

POTUS Press Today

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
09/01/26

DAILY GUIDANCE AND PRESS SCHEDULE FOR
WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 2, 2026

In-Town Pool
TV Corr & Crew: FOX
Secondary TV Corr: NewsNation
Photos: AP, AFP, NYT, Reuters, Getty
Print: Financial Times
Secondary Print: LA Times
Radio: iHeartMedia
New Media: Center Square

EDT:
9:00 AM In-Town Pool Call Time

8:00 AM THE PRESIDENT participates in Executive Time
The White House
Closed Press

11:00 AM THE PRESIDENT participates in a Policy Meeting
Oval Office
Closed Press

12:30 PM THE PRESIDENT participates in a Policy Meeting
Oval Office
Closed Press

1:30 PM THE PRESIDENT meets with U.S. Travel Executives
Oval Office
Closed Press

4:00 PM THE PRESIDENT participates in a Pre-Tape Interview
The White House
Closed Press

7:00 PM THE PRESIDENT participates in a Rose Garden Dinner
Rose Garden
Closed Press

Become part of the PJ Media VIP party by subscribing here. Use promo code KRUISERMB to receive a WHOPPING 60% discount. Trust me, we’re having fun over here.