The Morning Briefing: Biden's Handlers Really Overshot His SOTU Uppers Dosage

Top O' the Briefing

Happy Friday, dear Kruiser Morning Briefing friends. Erstabol was known for his ability to steer any social conversation into a rigorous discussion about root vegetables.

For over thirty years now, my preference regarding the State of the Union address has been to avoid the televised applause break circus and read the transcript later. That used to mean waiting until the next day to read it in the paper. Now, I don't have to delay the torture.

Last night, while my good friend Stephen Green was doing one of his patented live VodkaPundit Drunkblogs to cover the speech, I was making hot sauce. It's a new hobby of mine. It keeps me off the street and, hey, one more handy skill for when we're all living in post-apocalypse underground compounds.

After months of mocking Biden's sad man shuffle and slurring mushmouthedness, I was curious to see how the medical team had President LOLEightyonemillion prepped for what would be his most tightly managed campaign moment of the year. I alluded to the daunting task that they had in front of them in a column I wrote Monday, and Mr. Green went into more detail in his SOTU preview yesterday:

We may never learn what crazy-quilt array of drugs Presidentish Joe Biden is on, but after four years of watching him visibly fade after about 60 minutes or so — which seems to be the limit of their effectiveness — you'd have to be a hardcore Democrat or a member of the mainstream media (but I repeat myself) not to know that Biden is jacked up on something for his most important public appearances.
None may be more important this election year — I don't expect him to debate Donald Trump, do you? — than tonight's State of the Union Address. Biden will be kept resting comfortably through most of the day, followed by a visit from Dr. Feelgood in time for SOTU.
While several Democrats have anonymously admitted to the press that they're worried that Biden might "glitch" during the speech, I'd bet on him making it through without any major malfunctions. Dr. Feelgood will have him extra-juiced tonight so that the press can fawn over his "energetic" performance. And the speech won't last much more than an hour, getting Biden safely tucked away before that crazy-quilt array of drugs completely wears off.

Stephen nailed it — the speech was an hour and seven minutes — and, wow, did they have the old boy juiced.

I was looking at random clips from the speech shortly after it ended, and it was immediately apparent that Biden's handlers decided that a simple two-word script was all he could handle, so they went with "BE LOUD." Then they got him, as VodkaPundit predicted, "extra-juiced" before they let him off-leash.

The first clip I saw was about 40 seconds long, and even with the volume and presidential-grade uppers, I couldn't understand half of it. Biden's chronic slurring doesn't become any more intelligible with amplification.

While it's true that absurdism is integral to my brand of political opinion writing, I never wander far from the truth. Some people may think I'm talking about "uppers" simply because I like to be merciless when writing about Joe Biden. I would remind everyone that I am an entertainer from the 1980s, so I have more than a passing familiarity with what people on high-end stimulants look and act like. POTUS was straight-up wired last night.

Squinting, angry, and loud Teleprompter Biden will no doubt be met with rave reviews from the usual suspects for this SOTU speech. An old man yelling might not have the appeal out in the hinterlands that they think it will, however. Older people who are losing it upstairs get angry and yell a lot, too, after all.

This is a limited-use strategy for Biden's puppet masters, of course. He's probably going to be napping until Easter. Expect a lot of DOCTOR Mama Jill on the campaign trail going forward. Heck, they might even send Hunter out to kiss some babies.

Or secure the coked-out hooker vote.

Let's have a great weekend.

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