The Morning Briefing: Federal Government Reminds Arizonans Why We Hate It

(AP Photo/Matt York)

Top O’ the Briefing

Happy Friday, dear Kruiser Morning Briefing friends. Lathan was beginning to realize that he would never find love if he kept holding women to his high Judge Judy standards.


I have spent all my life living closer to the Mexican border than most people who make United States immigration law, the majority of it here in my native Arizona. The reason I led with that is because I wanted to establish my perspective cred.

As you might expect, border problems here in the Grand Canyon State are nothing new. I lived a mere 12 blocks from the Mexican border in the 1970s and it was kind of dicey even back then.

I now live 60 miles from the border and the distance hasn’t mitigated the likelihood of potential problems.

Arizona suffers the negative consequences of a porous border far more than California or Texas. California only has to deal with Baja California Sur to the south. Texas has the Rio Grande to slow things down a bit.

The United States government built an interstate highway in Arizona that feeds into I-40, providing cartels a convenient route for drug distribution and human trafficking.

Thanks, federal government!

Despite the recent — and trust me, temporary — blue tint to this state, we’re still a bunch of anti-federal yahoos. Sure, the new arrivals from California and Illinois haven’t caught on yet, but they will once the Sinaloa Cartel mess spills into their backyards.

And it will.

While I am not a fan of the federal government, I would like it to at least do what it is tasked to do. Like maybe secure the southern border.

It won’t do that, and when it doesn’t, the state of Arizona takes umbrage.

When the Obama administration had made it clear that it wanted the Mexican border wide open and wouldn’t be providing much security, Governor Jan Brewer signed Arizona SB 1070 into law in 2010. SB 1070 basically tasked the state with doing what the feds were supposed to be doing.


Fast-forward to 2022 and the border wall that the feds were supposed to build but didn’t finish. Our governor came up with a plan to lessen the federal failure and Team Biden is not at all happy about it. Lincoln has more:

In August, Arizona Governor Doug Ducey decided that his state had had more than enough. With the Biden administration either ignoring or mischaracterizing the problem, Ducey started an effort to fill in the empty spaces on the border with shipping crates. According to Fox News, the initial effort consisted of a 60-foot wall with each section made up of two crates, one stacked on top of another, welded shut, and topped with four feet of razor wire.

On Wednesday, just days before Title 42 runs out, the administration sued Arizona over the DIY border wall. The federal government claims that the section of the wall “damage[s] federal lands, threaten[s] public safety, and impede[s] the ability of federal agencies and officials, including law enforcement personnel, to perform their official duties.” Activists have also complained about the potential effects on the environment and that the walls would stop illegal immigrants. Well, that is, after all, a basic function of a wall. But let’s not cloud the discussion with logic.

In years past, I would have been comfortable knowing that my beloved native state would none-too-politely show Team Biden where it could shove its lawsuit.

We are, sadly, about to be turned over to some insane commies for a while.

A brief while, I hope.

This state, more than any other, has been an ill fit in the federal system. Arizona was the last continental state to join the Union.


We don’t do Daylight Saving Time.

We killed the Equal Rights Amendment.

When I was first going on the road doing stand-up, the national speed limit was 55 MPH. It was brutally slow, especially driving around the Southwest. The feds kept it in place by threatening to withhold interstate funding if any state raised the speed limit.

Arizona said, “Hold my beer.”

The list goes on. I won’t even get into the gun stuff, but trust me, no jackboot wants to go door-to-door here “collecting” weapons from the citizenry. We have long been, and remain, the freest gun state in the nation. My Democrat friends here all have five guns.

It may be blue at the top here at the moment, but I don’t think the lefties have sucked the soul out of my birthplace. The contrarian vibe runs deep in the state that Goldwater built. When the feds get involved, we get annoyed.

Let’s hope this helps.

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The Mailbag of Magnificence contributions can be sent to [email protected].

The Mailbag of Magnificence

Great week for the Mailbag. I am forever grateful that I can connect with people such as you and get to call it “work.”

Let’s begin with this from Jim:

Is it just me? Every time that I read your right-brain non sequiturs at the top of your briefing my right-brain starts generating a Far Side inspired graphic to accompany it. Oh wait, maybe “non sequitur” is too brutal. Let’s go with “near sequiturs”.


Enjoy your work dude. That’s a compliment not a command.

Jim: if you have graphic skills, I think we’re onto something here. I’ve often thought of how much fun it would be to collaborate with an illustrator. One with a twisted mind, anyway.

This is from Tom:


The Vernon take down was just perfect. You probably hurt him more with the English takedown, than any insult you could have leveled. Perfect!!! Thanks for not slicing and dicing me when you had the chance.

I only slice and dice the unfriendlies, buddy!

This is from Lee, who clarifies thusly: (that’s in the beautiful Lee Remick style not the rugged Lee Marvin style):

Dear Mr. Kruiser,
I’m writing from Queensland, the Sunshine State of Australia. Unfortunately that is the only similarity to Florida. Our state leaders are more like California.   
I just wanted to say how much I enjoy your morning briefings and other writings.   I always get a smile from your first paragraph but I can always get an outright laugh from your Everything isn’t Awful videos, especially the animals.   It is a great start for the day.   Here’s wishing you and yours a blessed Christmas and let’s send up some good wishes for a more promising 2023.    

Thanks for your great work.

We welcome Lees on both sides of the aisle here at the Briefing! Fun fact: Lee Marvin lived in Tucson during my wild twenties. It was not uncommon for me to run into him in a Circle K late at night.

Thank you very much for your kind words and as my people would say: Wesołych Świąt Bożego Narodzenia!


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