The Morning Briefing: Everyone But Kamala Harris Is Hoping Biden Stays Healthy

Let’s All Light the Biden Health Candle

Happy Thursday, dear Kruiser Morning Briefing friends. The lemon-blueberry muffins will be ready shortly.

I don’t know about any of you, but I had a great time yesterday. It’s amazing what some extended quality time away from the television and the infernal internet can do for one’s spirits.

Also, I got rid of about ten pounds of hair.

We appear to have made it through yesterday and we’re all just fine. For the moment. Now that it’s here, we have to figure out how we’re going to weather the Harris-Biden administration with Joe Biden as president. Priority One: making sure that Joe Biden stays healthy.

We’ve joked for a long time about maybe doing office pools to pick the date that Kamala would officially become president. I originally didn’t think that Joe would make it to the beginning of March. I’m revising that opinion now.

We were all convinced that the grand Democratic plan was to just get Ol’ Gropes into office, then manufacture some sort of COVID-related event that would make him step aside for health reasons. As I have repeatedly warned, it’s Doctor Jill everyone has to worry about. I think even the Dem higher-ups underestimated her. She’s probably pumping Joe with enough supplements and healthy food to keep him around as the prop president a lot longer than anyone planned. She’s definitely trying to ruin the plans of the Dem Illuminati and the ambitions of the new vice-president.

Maybe that’s not a bad thing.

Yeah, as we saw on his first day, Puppet President Joe can do a lot of damage to the United States in a very short time. We’ll be dizzy from executive orders before the weekend gets here.

The Democrats, however, are the “be careful what you wish for” party. Whenever the Democrat sane people like us think we want gone finally is, there is a ninety-nine percent chance that his or her replacement will be even worse. Seriously, those people have a never-ending supply of awful gushing forth from wherever they’re spawned.

California is about to find that out the hard way with Kamala Harris’s replacement in the Senate, Alex Padilla. The slate of Democrats that Gavin Newsom was considering to serve out her term was a real rogue’s gallery of progressivism. The choices were worse, more worse, and worst.

Kamala Harris is obviously being groomed by the media to soon take over for Biden. She’s gone from being the woman even the Democrats couldn’t stand during the primaries to one that the MSM can’t stop fawning over. The repacking of Joe Biden has been bad enough, but the PR work they’re doing for Harris will have you avoiding all news before and after mealtimes.

For example:

Kamala Harris' style is ushering in a new generation of power dressing https://t.co/Jk14Q3GgqQ pic.twitter.com/T8GeX0MXMm

— New York Post (@nypost) January 21, 2021

She wears pants like every corporate woman in America. And sneakers, which a lot of those women also do when walking to their chosen mode of transportation for the trip home from work. But now it’s a “style.”

No, it’s just pants.

By the way, that’s from the New York Post, a news organization that usually doesn’t get all Trapper-Keeper-school-girl-gushy over Democrats. Imagine four years of that from the other New York paper.

I don’t want to die soon, but I honestly don’t think that my liver can survive a nasally Harris presidency. I know I’ve been writing that I’m not in much of a unity mood but I think I’ve found something a lot of us can get behind: hoping and praying that President Biden stays healthy.

Try keto, Joe. It’s a life-changer.

Can Nobel Prizes Be Revoked?

Vaunted Nobel laureate who loves to dismiss his political opposites as idiots has never heard of "My Country, 'Tis of Thee" https://t.co/jy3I2TNUSC

— SFK (@stephenkruiser) January 20, 2021

Everything Isn’t Awful

These calls from Dave Portnoy telling business owners they’ll be receiving help from the Barstool Fund are heartbreaking (it shouldn’t be this way) and heartwarming at the same time. I’ll probably feature one a week here.

Chick and Bernie's Red Rooster Inn gets the call. Thanks again to @PNGamingInc for their donation to help save small PA business. #BarstoolFund pic.twitter.com/Iz4icVsyn9

— The Barstool Fund (@BarstoolFund) January 20, 2021

Bee the Reducted Onion

All three of my fave satire sites were on fire yesterday so I thought I’d share one from each.

Biden Sees Own Shadow, Predicting Just Six Weeks Of Being Presidenthttps://t.co/tW7EdXjZBA

— The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) January 20, 2021

Why I Can Fear an Insurrection at the Inauguration While Still Thinking That’d Make a Great Band Name: https://t.co/TzEeqGxscT pic.twitter.com/WvLMNL2kcd

— Reductress (@Reductress) January 20, 2021

Bored Flags Already Filtering Out Of Inauguration Halfway Through Biden Speech #InaugurationDay https://t.co/AjMmVWlH8q pic.twitter.com/6oyoD3U1DL

— The Onion (@TheOnion) January 20, 2021

The Kruiser Kabana

pic.twitter.com/vMX9o6Omcp

— Archillect (@archillect) January 21, 2021

Scientists are doing wonderful things with feta now.

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PJ Media Senior Columnist and Associate Editor Stephen Kruiser is the author of “Don’t Let the Hippies Shower” and “Straight Outta Feelings: Political Zen in the Age of Outrage,” both of which address serious subjects in a humorous way. Monday through Friday he edits PJ Media’s “Morning Briefing.” His columns appear twice a week.