The Morning Briefing: It Was a Fun 4th of July Despite Our Drunk, Downer President

AP Photo/Evan Vucci

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A Normal 4th of July Was Just What America Needed

Happy Monday, dear Kruiser Morning Briefing friends. Chimpanzees are lousy pizza makers.

As you are all aware, we here at the Morning Briefing don’t get long weekends. It is a company holiday today though, so today’s offering will be a rather quick one.

I hope everyone had a fantastic 4th of July. It was nice to see people out and having fun again, and I don’t even like people or fun that much. Heck, I was even a little disappointed when the neighbors stopped setting off fireworks earlier than I remember them doing the first few years I was in this neighborhood. Last year was a little too quiet and I wanted to hear more things go boom.

We all remember when President Gropes dangled the 4th of July celebrations as a carrot in order to make us all behave like panicky COVID fetish people. Victoria did a good recap of that for us yesterday. Of course, we didn’t make his benchmarks, but they were probably made up and not based on any real science anyway.

For reasons that aren’t clear, Biden’s handlers decided to let him off-leash a lot over the holiday weekend and those of us who don’t have to pretend know that’s a recipe for slurring, gaffe-prone disaster. He had to pull out some notes to answer a question while trying to pretend to be a normal guy in an ice cream shop and still couldn’t get it right. Some of the replies to the video here are priceless.

Biden’s Independence Day speech was irritating for a variety of reasons, chief among them being that he simply cannot shut up about the damn virus. Yeah, he could have alluded to it briefly but he kept going on and on about it. People wanted to celebrate, and the nation’s crabby grandfather started browbeating the audience about THE VARIANTS. Then he did the creepy lean and whisper thing that makes him sound like a freakshow sex offender.

Seriously, Team Biden, don’t let this guy out of the house. Be honest with yourselves: Is anyone really clamoring for a Joe Biden speech? Ever?

Thankfully, there are 75 million or so of us who were planning on having a great celebration of our nation’s independence whether the constipated grandpa in the White House wanted us to or not.

I think we should do it again next year.

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