Top O’ the Briefing
Happy Wednesday, dear Kruiser Morning Briefing friends. I miss Magic Fingers beds.
I’ve been spending a lot of time making plans for my inevitable stay at the Harris-Biden-Fauci gulag. I like to plan ahead.
These past few months I’ve been convinced that I would be getting to the gulag sooner rather than later. I mean, this administration has expressed nothing but contempt for wrongthink people like myself.
The last couple of days, however, I’ve begun to think that the United States might not last long enough for our alleged president to send me anywhere. I’ve heard several variations of the “Wow, I knew things would be bad, but I didn’t expect them to go down the toilet this quickly” theme recently. Sure, we were aware that Grandpa Gropes didn’t have the mental capacity to be a capable pretend president but we were all kind of hoping he would be able to stay up past dinner time when there was important running the country stuff to do.
More and more, it looks like this doddering fool will probably get us into a war and then never get out of his official presidential seal pajamas to see how it’s going.
The news this week (and let us remember it’s still early) has been teeming with bad tidings both domestically and abroad. We’re returning to Carter-era gas lines and the peace we enjoyed under President Trump is unraveling all over the world.
And Joe Biden needs to turn in early.
Gas stations in nearly two dozen states are running out of fuel after a Russian cyber attack on the Colonial Pipeline system this week. Islamic terrorist organization Hamas is waging war against innocent civilians in Israel, where many Americans live and work. The White House called a lid at 3:34 p.m. this afternoon.
We wouldn’t want the leader of the free world to appear to be present or anything while so much you-know-what is hitting the fan now, would we? We were constantly told during the campaign last year that Biden would be a real leader or something. If Biden is leading, he’s being super, super stealthy about it:
Meanwhile the White House national security advisor, not President Biden, is publicly dealing with Hamas.
“National Security Advisor Jake Sullivan spoke today with Israeli National Security Advisor Meir Ben Shabbat. He condemned the ongoing rocket attacks by Hamas and other terrorist groups, including against Jerusalem and Tel Aviv. He conveyed the President’s unwavering support for Israel’s security and for its legitimate right to defend itself and its people, while protecting civilians. He also conveyed the United States’ encouragement of steps toward restoring a sustainable calm. They agreed to continue to stay in close touch. Mr. Sullivan also spoke today with the Government of Egypt on the situation in Gaza and Jerusalem. They discussed steps to restore calm over the coming days and agreed to stay in close touch,” the White House released Tuesday evening.
You know, restore the “sustainable calm” that was so prevalent when Donald Trump was president.
But hey, kids, no mean tweets!
The world doesn’t do well with a weak leader in the United States. It does even worse with one who disappears. Forget having the stamina to be president, Biden doesn’t seen to have the stamina to watch television for a few minutes after dinner.
Kidding, he can’t even make it to dinner time.
We may have to start doing daily revisions of doomsday plans at this rate. Unless he can be barking some shopworn lines about wearing masks, Biden is flailing.
When we see him, that is.
Everything Isn’t Awful
This 101-year-old Holocaust survivor calls himself 'the happiest man on Earth' https://t.co/THvIph5boM
— TODAY (@TODAYshow) May 11, 2021
Around the Interwebz
Angry Ghost Of Chris Farley Appears To Haunt Current Saturday Night Live Cast https://t.co/RJWwUDzEaJ
— The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) May 10, 2021
The Kruiser Kabana
— Claude Monet (@artistmonet) May 11, 2021
An ice cream truck for adults. A beer truck. Yes, that’s what we need.