Culture

They Wish They Knew How to Quit Trump

AP Photo/Brynn Anderson

Speaking as a Trump agnostic — I didn’t vote for him and I don’t like him, but I also didn’t scream like a lunatic when he won and I can appreciate the good things that happened while he was president, Operation Warp Speed chief among them — the last four months have been a mixture of numbed relief and looming dread. Relief, because the crybaby #Resistance finally got what they thought they wanted and shut the hell up for five seconds. Dread, because… well, just watch Joe Biden try to put a sentence together while the synapses in his desiccated brain sputter and conk out like an ancient jalopy. The voters have spoken, and they traded in the president they hated for an even older model. Biden has been in Washington since Watergate, and all the people who convinced themselves he was something new are beginning to realize their mistake. So far, the only thing Biden is doing better than Trump is being old.

But then a funny thing happened, and I mean “odd” funny, not “funny” funny. What happened was that our moral, ethical, and intellectual betters in the press finally agreed with Trump about something: They both wish he was still president!

Don’t believe me? Just look at this. I don’t watch Stephen Colbert and neither does anybody else, but thanks to the miracle of the Internet, we can catch a glimpse of what we’re not missing. Four months into the Biden administration, Colbert is still doing Trump jokes:

Here, you can watch the hilarious comedy for yourself, or at least the first 45 seconds like I did:

They miss Trump. They hate him so much that they don’t even realize how much they love him. He’s all they think about, and they don’t know what to do without him. David Letterman kept making Dick Cheney jokes for years after the Bush administration was a memory, and now Cheney’s daughter is providing an excuse for late-night hosts to make cheap, easy jokes about the object of their obsession.

And this phenomenon isn’t limited to the comedians who think they’re journalists. It’s also affecting the Democratic Party activists who think they’re journalists. They spent four years desperately trying to get rid of Trump, and now they can’t stop talking about him:

Brandy Zadrozny, NBC News:

Four months after former President Donald Trump was banished from most mainstream social media platforms, he returned to the web last Tuesday with “From the Desk of Donald J. Trump,” essentially a blog for his musings…

The ex-president’s blog has drawn a considerably smaller audience than his once-powerful social media accounts, according to engagement data compiled with BuzzSumo, a social media analytics company…

Trump’s new blog has attracted a little over 212,000 engagements, defined as backlinks and social interactions — including likes, shares and comments — received across Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and Reddit. Before the ban, a single Trump tweet was typically liked and retweeted hundreds of thousands of times.

So now all the people who tell themselves they hate Trump are chortling over how unpopular Trump’s blog is, instead of just ignoring it, like they would if they were actually as sick of him as they claim to be. This is because their brains are broken. I know this because my brain is broken, and even I can’t believe how crazy they are.

Either Trump is some sort of mesmerizing cult leader with literally half of America in his thrall, or he’s a useless has-been who can’t even get anybody to read his dumb blog. Make up your minds, libs.

But then, what else are the #Resistance types supposed to do these days? They wouldn’t be so obsessed with Liz Cheney right now if they didn’t need to distract us from the fact that Biden is a dud. Inflation, skyrocketing gas prices, persistent unemployment, the worst border crisis in decades… And we’re not even six months into the Biden era. If you’re old enough to remember Jimmy Carter’s presidency, this is all eerily familiar. We’re coming out of a Chinese pandemic, but now we’re being afflicted with another grim disease: malaise.

No wonder they only want to talk about Trump!