In a more polite world, I might try to be a better person and not derive extreme pleasure from antagonizing people. I don't live or work in a more polite world, however; I write about politics. The leftists I lampoon have opted for emotional fragility; it wasn't forced upon them.
So I like to do whatever I can to trigger the proggie hysteria.
In the Democratic fever-dream, President Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin are two-peas-in-a-pod besties. The alt-universe fiction that they have been peddling since Trump was first elected in 2016 is that he would empower Putin and encourage his worst behavior. Here on planet Earth, Putin didn't decide to act the fool in Ukraine until 2022, when the United States was being run by a drooling puppet and the commie cabal that pulled his strings.
The Biden administration's only diplomatic approach to this mess was to treat Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky like he was their favorite boy band singer. They swooned while repeatedly handing Zelensky obscene amounts of money, acting all the while as if he was doing the United States a favor just by being our pal.
A perpetual cash pipeline to Ukraine was never going to bring an end to the hostilities. The Vanity Fair photo shoot of Mr. and Mrs. Zelensky didn't seem to scare Russia. Some sort of adult supervision was definitely needed.
Despite the Dems' refusal to admit it, President Trump is much better at dealing with delicate and/or difficult international conflicts than either of his Oval Office predecessors. He is on his way to Alaska to meet with Mad Vlad, and the two of them are going to take a celebrity crush-free approach to maybe ending a war that looks like it has potential to drag on until the day Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez's mouth finally shuts.
Deep down, the dinosaur media hacks know that Trump could pull this off. They're not openly admitting that, of course, but they have dialed back their standard Trump Derangement Syndrome hysteria levels considerably. Still, you can tell they are rooting against him. Despite all of their posturing about wanting peace in the region, they'd rather keep the war going than see Trump get a diplomatic win.
Trump has mentioned that any eventual deal will include some land-swapping. In my perfect universe, he triggers all of the leftists on Earth by offering to split Canada with Russia if the situation in Ukraine can be put to bed. This is an opportunity for Trump's legendary sense of humor to shine.
You take the eastern half of Canada, Vlad. I'm willing to let it go because it's the part with all the annoying people who speak French.
It's true that Canada has yet to become our 51st state, but that's an irrelevant detail. At what point in its fake bacon history has Canada ever given any indication that it should enjoy self-governance? Justin Trudeau was a soy boy international hate crime.
The Canada bluff would put Trump up there with Reagan's "We begin bombing in five minutes," bit of jovial genius.
Either way, something needs to be done about this Canada nonsense.
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