The Morning Briefing: U.S.May Want to Look Into Getting Rid of Minnesota

Top O’ the Briefing

What Has Minnesota Done for Us Lately?

Happy Tuesday, dear Kruiser Morning Briefing friends. Jack LaLanne may have been from the future.

Early in my stand-up career, I drove to all of my gigs. The average opening act in comedy club isn’t flying all over the place. I got to see a lot of this great land and became quite enamored of it. Most of it, anyway. I never did get San Francisco.

That was a long time ago, however. People change. Countries change.

The Democrats go off the socialist deep end and turn the states and cities that they run into fetid cesspools of civil unrest.

I’m kind of over those places now.

Hear me out. I know that we have all gotten used to the way the American flag looks and that change is difficult but, let’s be honest here, we could all probably get used to having fewer stars on it. Maybe start by removing one after we rid ourselves of, say, Minnesota. I’m done with it. Minnesota and its 10,000 lakes need to go somewhere that isn’t here.

Off the top of my head, Prince is the only worthwhile thing I can think of to ever come out of Minnesota. OK, our own Ed Morrissey lives there, but he’s not a native and we can rescue him and move him to a free state.

In recent years, all the state has given us is Keith Ellison, Ilhan Omar, and race riots since last summer.

We can do better, America.

Night Two of Riot Boogaloo got underway in Brooklyn Center last night. Our Townhall colleague Julio Rosas is doing his glutton-for-punishment thing again and covering it for the Mothership. Bryan highlighted some of the action that Julio shared:

This is what the back and forth between the rioters and police looks like in Brooklyn Center, MN. pic.twitter.com/yb6e5TMG4m

— Julio Rosas (@Julio_Rosas11) April 13, 2021

These people really need hobbies. Ones they can do as Canadians, preferably. Or Greenlanders. Progressives are obsessed with Russia, maybe Vlad can take this miserable place off of our hands. This is a breakup that’s been a long time in the making.

If we have any luck getting rid of the thorn that is Minnesota, maybe we can find a taker for Oregon and its ne’er-do-well hellhole Portland, which has been in a state of permanent unrest since last summer doesn’t show any signs of letting up.

The only goal for these leftist enclaves is to have all of this rioting lead to the de-Americanization of America. Why keep them around? If they were acting out under another country’s flag it might make them just a bit easier to ignore.

If it doesn’t, at least somebody else would be picking up the bill for all of this nonsense.

We’ll always have Prince.

Everything Isn’t Awful

This young boy is winning hearts at local baseball game by dressing up like his idol — the umpire. ⚾️ https://t.co/i9rZzYNwW0 pic.twitter.com/PkgL7wwpJe

— Good Morning America (@GMA) April 12, 2021

Bee Me

'It Is Still Not Safe To Go Outside,' Says Fauci's Head In A Jar In Year 2739https://t.co/xiTVz4iS1B

— The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) April 12, 2021