Happy Tuesday, dear Kruiser Morning Briefing friends. Jack LaLanne may have been from the future.
Early in my stand-up career, I drove to all of my gigs. The average opening act in comedy club isn’t flying all over the place. I got to see a lot of this great land and became quite enamored of it. Most of it, anyway. I never did get San Francisco.
That was a long time ago, however. People change. Countries change.
The Democrats go off the socialist deep end and turn the states and cities that they run into fetid cesspools of civil unrest.
I’m kind of over those places now.
Hear me out. I know that we have all gotten used to the way the American flag looks and that change is difficult but, let’s be honest here, we could all probably get used to having fewer stars on it. Maybe start by removing one after we rid ourselves of, say, Minnesota. I’m done with it. Minnesota and its 10,000 lakes need to go somewhere that isn’t here.
Off the top of my head, Prince is the only worthwhile thing I can think of to ever come out of Minnesota. OK, our own Ed Morrissey lives there, but he’s not a native and we can rescue him and move him to a free state.
In recent years, all the state has given us is Keith Ellison, Ilhan Omar, and race riots since last summer.
These people really need hobbies. Ones they can do as Canadians, preferably. Or Greenlanders. Progressives are obsessed with Russia, maybe Vlad can take this miserable place off of our hands. This is a breakup that’s been a long time in the making.
If we have any luck getting rid of the thorn that is Minnesota, maybe we can find a taker for Oregon and its ne’er-do-well hellhole Portland, which has been in a state of permanent unrest since last summer doesn’t show any signs of letting up.
The only goal for these leftist enclaves is to have all of this rioting lead to the de-Americanization of America. Why keep them around? If they were acting out under another country’s flag it might make them just a bit easier to ignore.
If it doesn’t, at least somebody else would be picking up the bill for all of this nonsense.
PJ Media senior columnist and associate editor Stephen Kruiser is a professional stand-up comic, writer, and recovering political activist who edits and writes PJ's Morning Briefing, aka The Greatest Political Newsletter in America. His latest book, Straight Outta Feelings, is a humorous exploration of how the 2016 election made him enjoy politics more than he ever had before. When not being a reclusive writer, Kruiser has had the honor of entertaining U.S. troops all over the world.
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