The Morning Briefing: Sorry Dems, You Can't Monkeypox This Election

AP Photo/Mike Stewart

Top O’ the Briefing

Happy Friday, dear Kruiser Morning Briefing friends. Chas is known for buttering everything but his bread. His pet ptarmigan Chauncey is not amused.

We all knew this was going to happen. The Democrats have tossed up what is probably the last Hail Mary pass they have to help stave off disaster in November.

Athena has the story:

As the blooms falls off the COVID-19 rose, the Biden administration’s top health official announced Thursday that he will declare monkeypox a public health emergency (PHE).

The United States has over 6,600 confirmed cases across 48 states as well as in Puerto Rico and Washington, D.C. The U.S. outbreak represents over a quarter of the world’s 26,000 cases, which are currently spread across 87 countries.

“In light of all of these developments and the evolving circumstances on the ground, I want to make an announcement today that I will be declaring a public health emergency,” Health and Human Services Secretary Xavier Becerra told reporters during a Thursday briefing. He added, “We’re prepared to take our response to the next level in addressing this virus and we urge every American to take monkeypox seriously.”

“This public health emergency will allow us to explore additional strategies to get vaccines and treatments more quickly out to the impacted communities,” explained the administration’s new national monkeypox response coordinator, Robert Fenton. “And it will allow us to get more data from jurisdictions so we can effectively track and attack this outbreak.”

Nice try, commies, but you’re not going to be able to repeat the public-panic election tampering that worked so well for you in 2020.

We are all aware that monkeypox is only a health emergency for promiscuous gay males. Yeah, we all have Google.

And we are all still being crushed by inflation, which is something that the Democrats won’t be able to distract us from with any kind of public-health-terror shiny object. Oh, they’re going to dispatch their flying monkeys in the mainstream media to write and talk about anything else. This faux emergency virus will no doubt be grabbing a lot of headlines going forward.

All to no avail, however.

The Democrats will be reflexively belching the word “monkeypox” from now until the 8th of November. On the 9th, it will miraculously be cured.

Hurry up, November.

The Mailbag of Magnificence

While a lot of general support has been expressed for the opening paragraph, we did have a clear winner this week. Susan weighs in first:

Good God Almighty!!  You made me spray my sun tea all over the place, when I read, “My yard, my dress code,” as I have my own code, as well.

I usually go outside in my undies to feed my chickens, work in my gardens, or do yard work.  Doesnt everyone?  If not, they should!

But, hmmm, I’ve also noticed planes from the little local airport keep flying lower and lower, so there’s that.  They’d better not be clipping my tall trees.

In addition, I’m in the flight path of Missouri’s Whiteman Air Force base, and there have been a lot of low flights of the Stealth bombers going over.  I hope they keep their bombs to themselves.

Anyway, your opening comments are real gems, so keep ’em coming!  You make it worth getting up every day.

Theyre worth losing a little sun tea all over the deck!!

Youre the BESTEST EVER!!!

No, Susan, YOU’RE the bestest ever! You hang up first!

This is from Michael:

“Derek still defends his ‘My yard, my dress code’ policy despite the shrieks of horror from the neighbors.”

OK, after I’d read seemingly hundreds of these absurdist bits and just rolled my eyes each time, you finally led off with one that made me LOL.

You know what makes this one different? I can actually imagine it happening.

Anyway, the Briefing is indispensable. Thanks for that!

Thank you, Michael. I will pass along the “indispensable” part of this to the Mothership higher-ups posthaste.

A little note about the opening paragraph. It evolved organically. Writing can often seem harsher than it is; just think about how many times you’ve had text messages misinterpreted. This is especially true when it comes to politics. I am never as cranky or serious as I seem when writing. The opening paragraph has become my way of letting everyone know that at the top. Eyerolls are fine; that’s usually all I’m after. I’m not really trying to write a joke every day. You guys couldn’t afford that.

From Andy:

Kruiser, I’d like to donate 500 pairs of AOC handcuffs to the San Francisco P.D. Make lax law enforcement easier!

It’s San Francisco, though, Andy. There’s no way to be sure all 500 pairs won’t end up as party favors.

From Ladyhawk:

Stephen: I also have my wipey, and my lovely thumb drive with PJTV on the side. I got mine for making a cute comment on the biggest waste of skin Keith Olbermann, saying he got a tingle down his leg. I have, unfortunately, lost the original email but I won that week for saying KO almost had the “Big O” live on the air. Then the next week you stated on camera that your production staff were upset by having to send the wipey and thumb drive to Canada. I do get a chuckle from the first few sentences of your post in the morning.

I remember that! There were some complaints about having to send stuff to Canada, but I told them that you were the hands-down winner. Also, the guy who owned PJTV was originally from Canada and ridiculously wealthy, so I told them we shouldn’t discriminate.

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