I recently got a call from a friend who knows a guy who works with a woman whose cousin (you get the point) is somehow or other involved with the office that finds ancillary drivers to deliver people to Trump events, one of which was scheduled in Long Island a few weeks back.
I was interviewed twice, once by the initial friend who asked me two questions:
- Do I own a suit?
- Are there any legal "situations" that would preclude me from shuttling Trump's guests from the airport to a fundraising event?
Um... My Long J6 Nightmare Is Finally Over (I Hope)
"Nah, that shouldn't be a problem," my friend said. "What about a suit?"
I told him I had a "Trump Luxury Separates" suit that I bought at a Salvation Army in Bloomsburg, Pa., for what was, at the time, my impending date with the Biden Department of Justice.
FACT-O-RAMA! After spending three terrifying years staying awake and dressed until 7:00 am every night—I had assumed the FBI would kick in my door at any time—I figured secretly wearing a Trump suit and tie to court would be a cheeky little joke just for me and my fiancée, Jessica, who was "allegedly" with me on J6, and thus relax us just a bit. Trump's Election Day victory ensured that our nightmare was finally over.
Despite the (now-past) J6 accusations against me, I was cleared to be one of Trump's supplemental drivers.
But I had gained a few pounds since I bought the Trump suit, and, not wanting to embarrass myself before The Man for whom I peacefully assembled (allegedly) at/near/in the Capitol, I spent $525—mad stacks (for me)—on a new vestment.
Seventeen hours before we were to meet at the airport, Trump's plans changed. He wasn't coming to Long Island, and I wasn't driving anyone anywhere. But I had a really cool new suit, and more importantly, the win was mine.
FACT-O-RAMA! While I lack the talent and vocabulary to express the rage I still feel for the vile animals who sent me Twitter messages threatening to rape my fiancée while I was "in prison for being a f***ing insurrectionist," I take great pride in going from a "high-profile MAGA, domestic extremist" (or whatever that obese, talent-free, salad-dodging sitzpinkler NBC "reporter" Ryan J. Reilly called me) to a man who was A-OK to be a secondary Trump driver. Elections have consequences.
Though my prospects have gone from potential prison prag to I-am-cool-enough-to-drive-for-Trump, things are not as rosy for the furtive deep-state miscreants.
Like a Christmas miracle, too good to be true, Trump's return to power appears to be causing a bit of disquietude for the elite feculence who tried to enslave We the People and hand our nation over to the globalist ambergris, and they are panicking.
Why do I think Hillary Clinton is worried for the first time in her (allegedly) murderous, Haiti-funds-stealing career? Because she is, finally, oddly, quiet.
Bill and his cankle-fest bride were subpoenaed, along with a "who's who" of deep state swamp wigglers, to testify about the Epstein investigation, or else. Yet, Hillary has taken to the Operation Mockingbird podcast trail to defend herself.
Merrick Garland and every other stain who has been subpoenaed are eerily quiet.
But there is one crack-puffin, hooker-bangin' schlub who won't shut up—Hunter Biden.
Hunter has hit a few mostly ignored podcasters to say...things.
His first interview was a curse-laden attack on everyone who had the gall to see that his dad is a lukewarm vegetable.
In his latest podcast appearance, Hunter told the host, whom no one has ever heard of, how he has a job—no, really—at a non-profit that fights homelessness.
Why would the most narcissistic child of the most narcissistic president ever (allegedly) get a job where he HELPS PEOPLE? Because he is scared.
Hunter's lifelong get-out-of-jail-free dad is old and feckless.
For the first time in Hunter Biden's existence, he can't rely on the old man to save him.
TRAILER TRASH-O-RAMA! After his brother Beau died, Hunter convinced his widowed, grieving sister-in-law to smoke crack and have sex with him. And he was plowing her sister. Ick.
Why would Hunter Biden get a social worker-type job, or any job, and tell people about it?
He could be running for office, but who would vote for him?
I believe he is terrified, vulnerable, and has no other options.
Here's the fun part: Drug addicts are notoriously narcissistic and unpredictable. I believe Hunter will be the highest-ranking stool sample to testify against his other swamp-mates, for money or freedom.
What do you think? I am awake and awaiting your opinions in the comments section!
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I've been listening to The Cars lately. You should too!
If I had a crow, I'd go full Democrat and name him Jim.
Are you still here? FINE!
Meet me on my radio program, "The Kevin Downey, Jr. Show," today and every weekday, from 9-11 am EST, at LI NEWS RADIO. You'll have fun. I promise.
Kruiser is fine. He misses you, too. He'll be back soon. Trust me!
Editor's Note: The Trump administration is exposing Barack Obama and his administration's Russian Collusion Hoax.
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