Columns

The Morning Briefing: The Biden Hell Arrives—Will America Survive?

AP Photo/Andrew Harnik
I Guess Biden Will Be President Now Or Something

Happy Wednesday, stalwart travelers on the Kruiser Morning Briefing Way. So…anything interesting happening today?

OK, we all know what the big news story will be today. I will be blissfully tuned out from most of it. At the time that Grandpa Gropes is slurring his way through the oath of office (and the media is insisting that he sounds sharp as ever) I will probably be on a nice, long bike ride. Then I’ve promised myself that I am going to finally get a haircut. There’s been a bit of a “hygiene and grooming optional” approach with me in COVID times and my hair has grown to a length that makes me look like I’m trying to achieve a “pervy professor” vibe. I’m starting to creep even myself out now. If I don’t get it cut I’m going to be sitting around here in boxer shorts and a sport coat with elbow patches and talking to my cat.

Nobody wants that.

Barring an intergalactic alien invasion or a much-prayed-for appearance by the Sweet Meteor O’ Death today, Joe Biden should be the president of the United States when we go to sleep tonight. He may not know that, but the rest of us will.

When I asked in the headline if America will survive it wasn’t a question that was entirely related to our new chief executive. I think the Republic has been in decline for a while. Trump’s presidency gave us a four-year reprieve. All that did was energize those who have been endeavoring to hasten the decline and they’re now back in power. I’m not saying we’ll be toast in a year or two but we are definitely not on the side of the nation’s historical timeline that we’d like to be.

That doesn’t mean we can’t have some fun while it’s all falling apart.

Those of you who have been reading my stuff for a while know that I’m pretty comfortable in the curmudgeonly contrarian role. Writing from the opposition is something I’ve done before and rather enjoyed. I got a real laugh yesterday when someone in the comments said I was probably “seething with rage” these days.

If I get any more chill someone is going to need to break out a defibrillator.

Four years ago today, I began a new gig as an editor at a then high-traffic conservative site. I hated every minute I worked for them. I was immensely enjoying Trump’s inauguration but the job was horrible. I was politically fulfilled and professionally miserable.

Today, I’m the opposite. This is better. So the politics aren’t going my way. I’m going to have fun writing about this clown car that’s about to empty out into the Oval Office.

We’re going to have fun while I do this.

This may seem like an oddly cavalier attitude while conservative media is under assault from the Democrats and their flying monkeys in the mainstream media. Worry not, we here at PJ Media and the Townhall Media Mothership aren’t going to roll over and play dead.

Paula wrote yesterday about one of the most effective ways we have of combating the current attacks on conservative media. Our VIP program shields us from a lot of the Big Tech shenanigans. Here’s a synopsis of the benefits from Paula’s post:

And this is where you come in. You can help us fight back against the left’s lies and censorship by becoming a VIP member. Your membership entitles you to a host of benefits, including an ad-free experience and exclusive articles, newsletters, and podcasts. VIP GOLD members get all these benefits, PLUS access to the VIP content at all the Townhall Media sites—Townhall, RedState, HotAir, Twitchy, Bearing Arms, and, of course, PJ Media. In addition, you’ll be invited to join exclusive VIP Gold live chats with writers and personalities across the Townhall Media network.

I know, I know, a lot of people are just opposed to paying for content. And I am not insensitive to the fact that a lot of people are having a rough financial time because of the Bat Flu shutdowns. I only mention this because I know that there are a lot of people asking what we can do to fight back. This is one way. The program has been a wild success for us since we launched it in October of 2019 and we want our subscribers to know how much we appreciate them and to let everyone else know we’re having fun over there.

I find it interesting every time I bring up VIP that so many in the comments section are aghast that a conservative writing for a conservative site would be acting like a capitalist. This is both a labor of love and a business here, after all. We’re a public, for-profit company and damn proud of it.

But it’s the internet, and complainers will complain.

Just to be clear: the Briefing will never be behind a paywall. In fact, most of our content won’t be. The stuff that is behind the paywall is free from the prying eyes and de-platforming fingers of Facebook, Twitter, and their ilk though, and that’s what makes it fun. I do two podcasts and several columns every week over in VIP Land. In just the last ten days I’ve written about stuffed burgers, the psychotic joy of the Nextdoor app, and what an effective tool self-fat-shaming is for me to motivate myself to workout.

Stephen Green, Bryan Preston, and I do a two-hour live chat every Thursday for our VIP Gold members that goes all over the place. We talk about politics, movies, booze, music, video games, and whatever our friends watching live want to ask us. It’s wild. We went for three hours a couple of weeks ago.

Anyway, we’ll all still be lobbing verbal bombs at the new administration on both sides of the paywall. Don’t hate on me because I made the VIP pitch. I’m just having a lot of fun over there and wanted to remind everyone that that’s kind of our bunker in case Team Biden decides to unleash its Big Tech monsters on us. Anybody who is interested can use the promo code AMERICAFIRST for a 25% discount.

Anyone who doesn’t, that’s cool too. On this side of the paywall I’ve got plenty of plans for the Briefing and I’m going to write more Culture stuff.

And I’m going to pay attention to hygiene and grooming again.

For you, dear readers.

And for America.

#RIP 

America Doesn’t Need Obama Retreads 

Everything Isn’t Awful

Called Chewy to finally get around to return dog food not needed since our old girl passed. They refunded, asked me to donate the food to a shelter, then these arrived with a personal note. ❤️❤️❤️ from goodnews

PJM Linktank

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WATCH: Trump Says He Prays for Joe Biden in Farewell Address

China Is Committing Another Holocaust. Pompeo Draws a Line in the Sand

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Rep. Steve Cohen’s National Guard Comments Put in Context Are a Serious Concern

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Scott Adams Lists Joe Biden’s Accomplishments Before He’s Even Inaugurated—It’s Not Good

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VIP

The Kruiser Kabana Episode 94: Fondly Remembering the Trump Years

VIP Gold

Don’t Call It a Coup

From the Mothership and Beyond

Finally. U.S. declares China’s actions against Uighurs “genocide”

BREAKING: Trump Signs Immigration Executive Order Hours Before Leaving Office

Meet the Press Host Made a Comment About a Key Biden Promise…And Liberals Had a Meltdown

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Why Sen. Hawley Says He Can’t Support Fast Tracking Biden’s DHS Nominee

Elise Stefanik Responds to ‘Sexist’ Blog Post Mocking Her as ‘Childless’

McEnany Sends a Farewell Message to the ‘Forgotten Men and Women of America’

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A Look At Biden’s Potential Executive Orders On Gun Control

A Peek Inside The State-Level Push For Gun Control

AZ Republicans Introduce 2A Sanctuary State Legislation

Armed Citizen Fights Back After Bounty Hunters Target Wrong Home

Presidential Inaugural Committee facilitates donations to Planned Parenthood

Heartbreak: Mitt Romney Reminds Dems He’s Mitt Romney When Asked About ‘Punishment’ for Hawley and Cruz

BREAKING: Fox News Lays Off Chris Stirewalt, Other Decision Desk HQ Staff in Restructuring

Yamiche Alcindor Gleefully Gets in Last, Hateful Jabs at Trump, but Look What She Says About Biden

The cartoonists making mental health their muse

Garth Brooks Jokes: “I’ll Be The Only Republican” At Biden’s Inauguration 

He’ll be fired before he starts. Mayorkas: No, We’re Not Defunding ICE — And It Might Need More Resources

DOJ Charges Iranian With Acting As An Unregistered Foreign Agent

Ben Stein: Trump’s Final Day

JOURNALISMING! CNN political analyst says the lights along the reflecting pool are like ‘extensions of Joe Biden’s arms embracing America’

Here’s a thread on what might be keeping us wearing masks virtually forever

‘Women will get screwed again’: Joe Biden and Kamala Harris announce WH Gender Policy Council

College Alums Must Speak Up for Campus Free Speech

Butterfly wings captured in slow motion footage

Smells Like Onion

The Kruiser Kabana

What does one wear to one’s first gulag?

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PJ Media Senior Columnist and Associate Editor Stephen Kruiser is the author ofDon’t Let the Hippies ShowerandStraight Outta Feelings: Political Zen in the Age of Outrage,” both of which address serious subjects in a humorous way. Monday through Friday he edits PJ Media’s “Morning Briefing.” His columns appear twice a week.