This Thirteenth Month of 2020 Is Wearing On Me
Happy, happy Hump Day, dear Kruiser Morning Briefing friends. I wouldn’t mind having a pickles-and-cheese side hustle.
Point of clarification: I am most sincere when I lead off with “Happy” whatever day of the week it is. My philosophy is that it’s best to begin each day with some gratitude and happiness because after that it’s mostly the world looking for multiple opportunities to get in a groin kick.
For just a little while last night I was hoping that I would have something definitive to share with you about the Georgia runoff elections by the time I put this Briefing to bed for publication. A pipe dream, I know, but if I ever stop being a dreamer it will be a quick trip to standing in line at the grocery store buying nothing but discount vodka and cat food.
So dream I must.
It was never going to happen, of course, because somewhere in the darkest recesses of Hell it was decreed that the 2020 election never end. Or seem to never end.
The 2020 election began in earnest in the summer of 2019 with the first Democratic candidate primary debates. June of 2019, to be exact. Here we are nineteen months later waiting for a bow to be put on this hot mess. As I write this, David Perdue leads Jon Ossoff by .04%.
Put that bow on ice.
The Georgia secretary of state announced that the counting would stop and we would probably have the results by noon EST today. Ossoff will no doubt pull ahead by then. We’ve all learned by now that votes appear out of the ether for Democrats whenever counting is dragged out. By the time you’re reading this, the Magic Biden Ballot machine will probably have Ossoff leading by 500,000 votes that were found in a drunk guy’s truck.
Wait, that would be too easy.
What will probably happen is that the final vote tally will find this race ending in a statistical dead heat which means — you guessed it — it all gets to go on for a while longer so they can do a recount.
For quite some time now the United States has been in an almost 50-50 political divide. That seems like it would be ideal, doesn’t it? A little ideological equilibrium to keep the Republic chugging along.
After this election I find myself wishing that one party would just pull way ahead for a while.
I know that the Democrats think they’re about to do that, but now is not really the time to get cocky. They did that in 2008 and 2009, then got steamrolled in the 2010 midterms. The Republicans will need to be focused on 2022 regardless, once (If?) the 2020 election finally concludes.
It will need to be the GOP infused with Trump’s spirit if there is any hope of getting the House back in two years. The current hot take among Republicans who were never 100% on board with President Trump is to blame him for the way things have played out in Georgia. Here’s a take from those more closely aligned with the president:
I wanted to win the Ga runoffs as much as anyone.
But here’s how you automatically lose them.
1) Rep Party abandons Trump.
2) Rep Party does ZERO to address voter fraud.
3) Absolute dumbass Mitch McConnell and RINOS sign Porkulus bill, screw America, then brag about it.
— Catturd ™ (@catturd2) January 6, 2021
I think the first two refer to the Georgia GOP. Number three is tough to argue with, though many will. We’ll have to wait and see if a third party splinters off here soon.
So…anything else going on in American politics today?
OMG! It’s G!
Atheists on Reddit are freaking out about VeggieTales and it is hilarious! https://t.co/NgKksa3GiS
— Not the Bee (@Not_the_Bee) January 4, 2021
I’m Suddenly Craving a McWife
Finally something at McDonald's that guys won't want super-sized. https://t.co/ksipUHZYFY
— SFK (@stephenkruiser) January 5, 2021
Everything Isn’t Awful
Grad student raises $30K for charity for 'pizza drops' from 2nd story window https://t.co/xTNgiueOT0
— TODAY (@TODAYshow) January 5, 2021
From the Mothership and Beyond
Study Finds Connection Between Believing Russia Rigged 2016 Election And Believing 2020 Election Was Foolproof https://t.co/968JZKH5Aj
— The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) January 5, 2021
The Kruiser Kabana
Chartres Beauty pic.twitter.com/GvV1Ee5nqA
— Stained Glass Zealot ♱ (@glass_zealot) January 4, 2021
Big Acai is nothing but lies.
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PJ Media Senior Columnist and Associate Editor Stephen Kruiser is the author of “Don’t Let the Hippies Shower” and “Straight Outta Feelings: Political Zen in the Age of Outrage,” both of which address serious subjects in a humorous way. Monday through Friday he edits PJ Media’s “Morning Briefing.” His columns appear twice a week.