The Morning Briefing: DNC Night One—I Think the Democrats Want Trump to Win

A Most Unconventional Convention Approach

Greetings, my friends. I hope Tuesday is off to a good start for all of the Kruiser Morning Briefing faithful.

Well, the 2020 Democratic National Convention (DNC) kinda/sorta got underway on Monday night and we’re still waiting to hear from the twelve people who aren’t in political media who watched it.

Those who did were in for a real treat if they’ve never had a concussion or done hallucinogenic drugs before and wondered what either is like without having to actually experience them.

After night one of the first of the COVID conventions, I can see why the Republicans are playing coy about their plans for next week. It might just be best to reduce it to one big drunken Zoom meeting rather than try to create any sense of normalcy.

The DNC gave it a whirl but, hoo boy, was it a little off.

A series of individually recorded remote speeches gave it a “Gee, we’re sorry we can’t be there for your 90th birthday, Uncle Joe” vibe. That’s perfectly fine when it’s Uncle Joe’s 90th birthday but it’s not as fun if it’s Uncle Joe’s 90th attempt at becoming president of the United States. And Uncle Joe isn’t even at his own party to watch because he’s in the basement.

One of the more perplexing things was the DNC giving a speaking slot to former Ohio governor and noted mailman’s son John Kasich. Kasich brings slightly less excitement than dryer lint to any gathering he graces but what was most amusing was that during the somnambulant lead-up to the DNC, the Democrats were acting like Kasich was a real big get for them.

He’s a milquetoast squish Republican whom no Republicans like anymore, so he tucked tail and went begging for attention crumbs from the Democrats, which is the way of the spineless squishes. After backstabbing his own party to score points with the Democrats and their flying monkeys in the media, Kasich then — as Matt details at Townhall — crapped all over his hosts by disparaging Bartender of the Year Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez.

The DNC may not have given AOC a long speaking “slot” for this week but she is still the party darling to younger Democrats. Kasich wasn’t going to win over any Republicans to Biden. He did, however, manage to annoy some of the progressives the Democrats should be treading lightly with right now.

The DNC had a few other faux Republicans speaking on Monday. The only thing they had in common is that no Republican under 50 remembers any of them and they’re trying to feel relevant by doing useful idiot turns for the Democrats. They will be winning no hearts, minds, or voters. Other than the “LOOK! Republicans badmouthing Trump!” narrative it’s difficult to figure out what the DNC’s calculus for trotting out these losers was.

DNC — (Democratic National Convention via AP)

Bernie Sanders gave his socialist pitch to the DNC “crowd” while sitting in front of all of the firewood in America, which was weird. Bernie was predictably anti-Trump, but not so much pro-Biden. We all know that’s going to be the real theme for the Democrats going forward.

If the Trump-bashing is all they’ve got, I like his chances more and more. Kamala Harris hasn’t electrified the Democrats quite like the media would have you believe. There may be a little post-convention bounce when the DNC is over, but it probably won’t be as big as in normal years.

Let’s be honest, the real fun at every DNC and RNC is watching the freak show of people covered in buttons and weird hats. Bernie in front of a cord of winter wood just isn’t bringing the magic. John Kasich in an empty field is a cry for help.

The DNC is using celebrity hosts every night of the convention, dipping into the same playbook that failed to win votes in the heartland for Hillary Clinton in 2016. The Democrats’ attachment to celebrities is a habit they just can’t seem to break. Celebs appeal to voters the Democrats are already going to win, however. The voters they need back aren’t going to be terribly moved by the presence of Eva Longoria.

DNC — (Democratic National Convention via AP)

But hey, if they want to keep going down this path in order to connect with the common folk, I’m not going to talk them out of it.

The DNC could still rally this week and make people pay the right kind of attention, but does anyone really think that Grandpa Gropes is going to wow the virtual throng with his acceptance speech?

I’ll leave you with what the DNC left their faithful last night. It’s spectacularly awful but the brain trust over there thought this was a winner. Kira’s comment is priceless.

I honestly didn't think it was possible, but somehow Trump has turned the Democrats into Republicans a la 2008. #WhatIsThis #Really? https://t.co/uBaJEzT8zK

— Kira (@RealKiraDavis) August 18, 2020

Bipartisan Loathing

De Blasio noticeably missing from DNC's presidential candidate montage https://t.co/VOtlPATPVR pic.twitter.com/96bKYRDwgt

— New York Post (@nypost) August 18, 2020

Bee Me

Bernie Sanders Arrives In Hong Kong To Lecture Protesters On How Good They Have It Under Communism https://t.co/et4sI51Uy5

— The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) August 17, 2020

The Kruiser Kabana

pic.twitter.com/tsHughJdh1

— Archillect (@archillect) August 18, 2020

My cousin texted me about this song over the weekend. He said it was in case I needed anything for my “Meth Inspired” Spotify playlist.

I’m suspicious of all things acai.

___

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PJ Media Senior Columnist and Associate Editor Stephen Kruiser is the author of “Don’t Let the Hippies Shower” and “Straight Outta Feelings: Political Zen in the Age of Outrage,” both of which address serious subjects in a humorous way. Monday through Friday he edits PJ Media’s “Morning Briefing.” His columns appear twice a week.