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The Morning Briefing: Tom Brady Puts the New England Patriots in Permanent Super Bowl Quarantine

(Image: CC/Flickr/WEBN-TV)

If the NFL Has a Season…

It is with indescribable joy that I am beginning this hump-day edition of the Morning Brief writing about something other than COVID-19, which, by the way, I spent part of Tuesday thinking I had. One trip out in public and I was imagining all kinds of things. I’ve been very sleep-deprived for several days for a variety of reasons and I’m really run down. My fatigue began playing tricks with my brain and nobody needs that kind of nonsense in these times.

When I did wander over to my computer yesterday morning I was greeted by the news that Tom Brady was leaving the New England Patriots after twenty years and likely heading to the Tampa Bay Buccaneers.

Now, no one knows if the NFL is even going to have a season. One would like to think that we will be through the worst of everything by late August, but the NFL may prematurely shut it all down anyway. The Kentucky Derby isn’t until May, and that’s already been postponed until September now.

The news about Brady’s move is notable simply because the amount of success he had in New England — six Super Bowl titles — made it seem like he would be with the team until he retired. Even though he had an off, and frustrating, year in 2019, it still seemed like he and coach Bill Belichick would figure something out, if only so Julian Edelman didn’t have to endure the breakup (no word on who gets custody of him yet).

I have a lot of friends who are Patriots fans and many of them have wondered for a while if both Brady and Belichick are intent on proving each can be successful without the other. Maybe, but why let ego get in the way of all of that winning?

As a Steelers fan (long story) Brady’s tenure in New England has been the bane of my existence. I certainly won’t be sorry to see him go to the NFC. I am very grateful to him, however, for giving me a lead story that wasn’t about people dying.

Another Rough Night for the Bernie Bros

In case you missed it, Crazy Joe the Wonder Veep cleaned Bernie’s clock in another round of primaries. Biden’s delegate count may not be mathematically insurmountable just yet, but it’s so large the Bernie didn’t even try to get out and put lipstick on the pig of a night he had.

Many of us thought that he would exit somewhat gracefully after last Tuesday. Now, when he finally does end his campaign it’s going to have that “You’re fired!”/”No, I quit!” feeling to it.

America may have dodged a bullet with the end of the brief Sanders juggernaut, but the Democrats are still going to nominate a freak who sniffs strangers and spends half the day wondering how his shoes got tied.

A moron who may even have a chance of winning if this plague gets any worse.

Oh, That‘s How to Avoid All of This

There aren’t many fun stories coming out of the coronavirus mill these days, but this one that Megan wrote about Jared Leto  gave me a chuckle:

Hollywood actor Jared Leto has emerged (looking like a chic Jesus) from a 12-day “silent meditation” in the desert to news of a global pandemic. Now, I don’t know about you, but I’ve been following this WuFlu thing for at least two months, so I’m not sure if I believe that Leto had no idea that this was a thing, but let’s go with it for the giggles. I don’t know if this was some sort of Lenten observation or just a hippie L.A. thing that the wealthy do when they feel their third eye is clogged, but it’s worth noting that the actual Jesus went into the desert for 40 days, not a measly twelve. But I digress.

In Leto’s defense, things have only been at peak insanity here since last Thursday.

How nice do 12 days in the desert with no news sound right about now? I wish I were wealthy enough to take an extended and isolated retreat now.

Paste-Eater of the Day

Some moron in the comments underwent a major panty-bunching because I wrote about “my” Starbucks yesterday. The basement-dweller was laughably calling my conservative “cred” into question, and I’m grateful that some of you fine readers let him know that he’s an idiot.

Here’s the kind of conservative I am: I’ll do whatever the hell I want and you can do the same.

I’m thinking of highlighting a few of these trolls every week. We can mock them here while I put them in a seven-day comments timeout.

That just popped into my head. What do you think, dear readers?

We Should All Cope This Well

PJM Linktank

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Bee Me

The Kruiser Kabana

Let’s have some fun.

Sometimes during a plague, you just want a Hot Pocket.

___

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PJ Media Associate Editor Stephen Kruiser is the author ofDon’t Let the Hippies ShowerandStraight Outta Feelings: Political Zen in the Age of Outrage,” both of which address serious subjects in a humorous way. Monday through Friday he edits PJ Media’s “Morning Briefing.”