It's time for your much-needed break from the serious news, and this week, we'll learn a brand-new way to fail the field sobriety test, what's on the other side of that pond, and how Wyoming Man pretty much arrested himself.
Let us begin as we always do with...
The Most Florida Man Story Ever (This Week)
Florida Man reportedly pees pants during DUI investigation
I've never been so disappointed in Florida Man, but maybe not for the reason you think.
It all started with a pretty typical incident in The Villages, when police spotted Florida Man driving at night without his headlights on but with several open containers, including two 24-ounce Yuengling Traditional Lager cans and three 24-ounce Foster’s Lager cans, some of which were empty. You also might expect that Florida Man to deny he'd had anything to drink, which is exactly what he did.
The "Sir, please exit the vehicle" was totally expected, too, along with struggling through the field sobriety tests.
But maybe you didn't expect this part: "During a pat-down for weapons, the trooper 'felt a wet spot' on the right side of Florida Man’s pants. The trooper also 'smelled urine.'"
And yet that isn't why I'm so disappointed in Florida Man.
What hurts me personally — what makes me question our years-long Florida Man adventure today — is that Florida Man wet himself while barely blowing anything above .2 on the breathalyzer.
C'mon, man — what is this, fifth grade?
As always, one point is awarded in each category except when I say so.
SCORE: Likely Story, Class Act, Drugs/Alcohol, No Insurance, Water Hazard (heh), The Villages, Getting Caught Stupidly, Glamor Mugshot, and a Demerit for not being able to hold his liquor. Or, you know. (9)
TOTAL: 9 FMF Points.
Bodies of Water, How Do They Work?
Florida Man Jumps Into Pond To Escape Deputies, Finds Them Waiting on the Other SideIt's more fun to watch the drone footage, so I'll keep the snark brief.
Florida Man was wanted on charges of... oh, hell, I can't keep track of this one... and was spotted by cops exiting a car with a BOLO on it for some other damn thing. He spotted the cops right back and took off running. Pretty much everybody got called in, including a K-9 unit and a drone. When hiding in somebody's screened-in porch didn't work, he decided to make a swim for it. But thanks to the drone, a deputy was waiting for him on the other side.
Ponds have those, you know.
Honestly, my favorite part is at the very end of the clip. Realizing he's busted, Florida Man assumes the prone position, wrists behind his back and ready to be cuffed.
It's like he's done this before. Maybe minus the pond.
SCORE: The Inevitable Helicopter (Or Drone), Recidivism, Police Chase, Trespassing, Good Dog, Water Hazard, Caught on Video, Hide & Seek, Should Have Taken the L and Way to Take the L for the same guy, incredible. (10)
RUNNING TOTAL: 19 FMF Points.
Exclusively for our VIPs: Fat Amy Gets No Respect
Anger Management II: The Revenge
Florida Man accused of cutting off diver's air supply in fight over coveted lobster diving spot
Florida Man surrendered himself to the Turner Guilford Knight Correctional Center last week, and it's a good thing, too, because there's no telling what might have happened if the cops had to actually arrest this guy.
Because Florida Man is the kind of guy who, when another boat reaches "his" lobster spot first, circles the boat a bunch of times really fast, anchors his boat really close, then threatens to cut off the surface-supplied air system to the 18-year-old diving for lobsters off the first boat.
And then jumps into the water and carries out the threat.
Witnesses yelled, "We have a diver down there you a**hole!"
The owner of the first boat pulled the diver up, gasping for air but fortunately uninjured.
If that's what really happened, throw the book at him.
SCORE: Water Hazard, Boating Madness, Caught on Video, Way to Take the L, Famous Last Words, Glamor Mugshot, I Just Seriously Don't Understand People Sometimes. (7)
RUNNING TOTAL: 26 FMF Points
Bonus Florida Headline: Florida Man suspected in tequila theft busted for DUI
Well, that was quick.
Maybe He Didn't Know That Was Wrong
Florida Man's $5 Rolling Paper Theft Ends With Taser and Death Threat to Deputy
You know what I hate?
You know how sometimes when you put your mask on to steal some rolling papers for the weed you have in your pocket because you never did understand why people gotta pay for every little thing they just leave out on the shelves of those 7-11s but then for whatever reason the clerk at that one must've called the cops on you because you're at this other convenience store just across the street when the cops come right on over like they knew who you were and they say they just wanna talk but you're not falling for that so you're all like "nah let's fight" which is when they try to put the cuffs on so you're throwing punches and whatever when one of the cops just tases you and you drop right to the ground and you're all like "you dead when I get up" and the cop is all like "I'm dead?" which he wasn't because they get the cuffs on you and find the stolen papers and your weed and then you're sitting in jail with nothing to smoke and nothing to smoke it with and some smart-aleck sheriff is putting your video all over Facebook?
Don't you hate that, too?
SCORE: Convenience/Liquor Store, Went Viral, Drugs/Alcohol, Tasered/Pepper Sprayed, Police Bodycam, Resisting Arrest, Should Have Taken the L, Instant Karma, Dillhole. (9)
RUNNING TOTAL: 35 FMF Points.
Not All Heroes Wear Capes
The landing has gone viral as she narrowly avoided hitting a massive road signhttps://t.co/wBPHOVHyTK
— Dexerto (@Dexerto) August 6, 2026
A pilot and their trainee had to abort their planned landing at Pensacola International Airport on August 4; instead, landing their single-engine Piper PA-28 Cherokee on the I-10.
One of the pilots onboard told air traffic control that they had an engine issue, with oil dropping to low levels and fumes being smelt in the cockpit. So, they lined the plane up with the highway and dropped it down there.
Dash camera footage from one driver surfaced after the landing, with them telling WEAR that it was a “miracle” landing, especially as they narrowly avoided hitting a road sign.
The pilot apologized on TikTok, saying: “My fault for the traffic guys. All jokes aside, thank you everyone for all your kind words."
When you think of how that could have gone, a little traffic backup isn't so bad.
Well done, Florida Woman Emily Shelton.
SCORE: The usual three bonus points for Sheer Awesomeness, Went Viral, Vehicular Madness (Airplane Engine Edition), and one more just for being so cool about it. (6)
RUNNING TOTAL: 41 FMF Points.
Previously on Florida Man Friday: He Did Not Just Do That AGAIN, Did He?
So How Did Florida Man Do This Week?
Five scored stories with a total of 41 points for another big week with an 8.2 average.
Meanwhile, in Wyoming...
So much wrong here. https://t.co/pNuh9Vf4tw
— Stephen Green (@VodkaPundit) August 14, 2026
Wyoming Man crashed his car and tried to hide from the police and decided to break into the nearest building, which happened to be the Laramie County jail. “On the camera system, they saw some guy running from door to door on the outside of our jail trying to get in — wiggling the doors and just trying to get in the jail," Laramie County Sheriff Brian Kozak said.
When caught — which did not take long, given the cameras and the location — he tried giving a fake name but was immediately arrested "on suspicion of falsely identifying himself, driving under suspension, driving the wrong way on a one-way street, no proof of insurance, and hit and run."
And I bet he'll be on the sheriff's department Christmas party gag reel for years to come.
A story like that can mean only one thing: Florida Man has exactly one week to reclaim his crown of glory in time for the next exciting episode of...
