I've long suspected that, somewhere in his underground lair, Microsoft cofounder and villainous philanthropist Bill Gates has a tabletop laser-saw on the off chance that someday he needs to cut a British superspy in half.
Because when you have the kind of money that Gates has, why not?
You can even imagine Gates practicing his best Auric Goldfinger impression in his bathroom mirror while he shaves: "No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to die!" You wouldn't imagine Gates doing a very good Goldfinger, of course, because his seeming villainy is matched only by his total dorkitude. $110 billion and schemes to control the world's weather and food production can only get you so far.
Taking all that into consideration, even a longtime opponent of Gates like Yours Truly must concede that the man who wants to dim the sun with nanoparticles is now 2% less Bond villain than before.
That's because of who Gates just cut off from his charitable foundation's metric crap-tons of money.
And Another Thing: Gates really does want to experiment with dimming the sun to control the climate. I did, however, make up the part about using nanoparticles because that sounded much more sinister than dust.
The philanthropic wing of Gates's evil empire is the Gates Foundation, with an endowment worth around $77 billion. One of the Foundation's major recipients of big-league largess is Arabella Advisors — a for-profit consulting firm that "advises left-leaning donors and nonprofits about where to give money and serves as the hub of a politically liberal 'dark money' network."
That quote was from Wikipedia, which I normally do not and would not rely on, but Arabella's page seems to be pretty fair and balanced. Read more:
According to The Atlantic, Arabella Advisors has "undeniably benefited from the rush of panicked political giving on the left during the Trump years."[7] In 2020, the Sixteen Thirty Fund donated $410 million toward defeating Trump and winning Democratic control of the U.S. Senate.[8] Because of the way they are legally structured, Arabella Advisors and its affiliated groups are not required to disclose their donors, and they have not opted to do so.
Arabella makes their money the old-fashioned way: helping other people ruin the country. In secret.
The Gates Foundation this week "quietly ceased backing a nonprofit network closely associated with the Democratic Party and criticized by conservatives," New York Times reporter Theodore Schleifer revealed on Tuesday, calling it "a symbolically significant blow to a powerful player in liberal politics."
In the same report, Schleifer revealed that "The Gates Foundation has disbursed or pledged about $450 million to nonprofit funds administered by Arabella over the last sixteen years."
Call me crazy — not control-the-weather crazy, or take-everyone's-red-meat-away crazy, but still plenty crazy — but losing a benefactor to the tune of nearly half a billion dollars is a helluva lot more than "symbolically significant."
$450 million is significantly significant.
And Another Thing: Gates really does want to take your steak away and force you to eat mushrooms instead. So when he tells you that “You can get used to the taste” of fungi masquerading as meat, tell that pompous Bond villain, “No, YOU can get used to the taste.”
Gates Foundation officials "made no mention of politics," according to the NYT report, so I will.
Coming so close on the heels of Elon Musk's DOGE boys gutting billions worth of USAID slush funds for countless progressive NGOs, the Foundation's move at least looks like an attempt to insulate itself from the Left's increasingly toxic politics.
Well, good.
But until he stops trying to control the weather and gets his pasty fingers away from my ribeye, he’s still got 98% of his Bond villain status intact.
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