Florida Man Friday: Worst Elon Musk Impersonator EVER

Florida Man who said he was Elon Musk bilked elderly woman out of $250K

Social media makes people stupid (I'll have more on that below), but this case is stupid to at least $250,000 and maybe as much as $600,000.

A 76-year-old Texas woman friended SpaceX/Tesla founder Elon Musk, the world's richest man, on Facebook a few months ago. Over that time, he convinced her to invest in his business, promising a $55 million return. She dutifully transferred funds (police say $250,000, but Texas Husband says the amount actually totaled $600,000) into Musk's painting and pressure-washing business, according to police.

Here's the rest of the story: Elon Musk does not own a painting and pressure-washing business, and that guy in the mugshot is not the richest man in the world.

I never thought I'd have to tell people this, but here it goes: Elon Musk does not need your money and does not want to talk to you on social media. Believe me, I've tried. 

As always, one point is awarded in each category except when I say so. 

SCORE: The Elderly, Impersonation, Likely Story, Getting Caught Stupidly, and a WTF Were You Even THINKING? for Texas Woman. 

TOTAL: 5 FMF Points.

Fake Cop, Real Funny

Florida Man arrested after pretending to be undercover police officer to avoid background check

Florida Man was arrested "after a real estate agency reported to the FDLE [Florida Department of Law Enforcement] that he was attempting to lease a residential property without undergoing a background check."

He even had a letter on FDLE-looking stationery explaining why he couldn't undergo a background check that included some real gems and several typos:

This letter serves as explanation of the employment of William Dennis Milstead. He is one of the States agents through the FDLE Official Off Grid Unit Officers meaning "Undercover Agent" that provides highly sensitive information regarding illegal activities investigated by The Florida Department of Law Enforcement. Due to the nature of the work he preforms his personal security would be at risk if leaked or falls into the wrong hands. For this reason information on his background and credit files are very limited and/or sealed and doesn't reflect his true ability to receive credit or pay his debts due to his involvement in FDLE Off Grid program.

"Off-grid, eh, and you're renting a house in Port Saint Lucie?" is exactly what the rental agent should have said but probably didn't.

To be fair, Florida Man probably doesn't have a very good credit score, what with his 13 prior felony arrests including two others for impersonating a police officer.

SCORE: Impersonation, Criminal Mastermind, Recidivism, Glamor Mugshot.

RUNNING TOTAL: 9 FMF Points. 

Exclusively for our VIPs: Democrats in Denial and Other Failures to Cope in the Second Trump Era

Social Media Makes People Stupid

Florida Woman arrested for shoplifting after posting video showing Target haul

You know what I hate?

You know how sometimes you're starting this new career as one of those TikTok influencers who get all the free makeup and stuff but you don't have any of that cool influencer stuff to show off so you go to Target with some ripped-off barcodes for real cheap stuff and you're loading up your cart with some really choice influencer items then when you go through the self-checkout you scan the fake barcodes so you're getting out of there with 500 bucks worth of stuff for like 20 and you go home and get on TikTok and you're influencing the hell out of people and but what you didn't know is that Target has like these cameras that watch you do stuff kinda like TikTok so the police figure this all out when they look at the Target video and compare it to your TikTok video but you're all like "that stuff ain't" mine and the cops are all like "that's the point you're coming with us" and then the only people you have to influence are the losers in county lockup?

Don't you hate that, too?

SCORE: Went Viral, Walmart/Target, Surveillance Video, Getting Caught Stupidly, Crazy Eyes (New! But should have been added ages ago.)

RUNNING TOTAL: 14 FMF Points

Bonus Florida Headline: Syringe-wielding Florida Man arrested for spraying mystery liquid on girls' butts at Ross discount store

No, Florida Man. No.

You Two Could Be Sisters

Florida Woman, 44, uses 'botox' excuse to explain age after fraudulently applying for hurricane aid

Florida Woman used her mother's name, driver's license, and social security number to apply for disaster relief after the latest round of hurricanes. When she showed up to get her $7,967 check, a city employee noticed that she didn't exactly look like a woman in her 70s.

"I had Botox treatments."

I don't know what kind of Botox that was but gimme some. 

The city employee told her to come back the next day while they looked into it but what they did — duh — was call the police. They were there the next day when Florida Woman was somehow stupid enough to try a second time to get the money. 

SCORE: Impersonation, Really Bad Weather, Likely Story, Should Have Taken the L.

RUNNING TOTAL: 18 FMF Points. 

Not All Heroes Wear Capes

HCA Florida Westside "angel" nurse credited for saving South Florida gas attendant's life

Allison Seecoomore made a routine stop for gas following her night shift at HCA Florida Westside Hospital in Plantation on the morning of Nov. 10. During her stop, she met with her regular gas attendant, 67-year-old Luis Sanchez Mendia, but noticed something unusual and that he "didn't seem like himself," the hospital stated in a Friday press release.

Seeing Seecoomore's stethoscope, Mendia asked her to check on him.

"At first, she thought he was joking but soon realized the request was serious," HCA Florida Westside stated.

Using her stethoscope, Seecoomore detected a heart murmur so pronounced that it could be heard without her equipment. Recognizing the urgency of the situation, she strongly advised Mendia to go straight to the hospital. When he hesitated, she emphasized the gravity of the situation.

Seecoomore finally got Mendia to the hospital where "Dr. Alfredo Rego performed emergency valve replacement surgery and saved Mendia's life."

"This is the biggest gift I could ever receive," Mendia told CBS News. "Nurse Allison truly is my angel."

SCORE: Three points to Seecoomore for heroism, one to Dr. Rego for his fast actions, and another to Mendia for following medical advice — something older guys don't always do. 

RUNNING TOTAL: 21 FMF Points.

Previously on Florida Man Friday: From 'Fast & Furious' to 'Stopped & Humiliated'

So How Did Florida Man Do This Week?

Five scored stories with a total of 21 points for an average of 4.2, which isn't too shabby.

Meanwhile, in Alabama...

Bearded perp covers his face in markers after threatening to blow up Ulta Beauty store

So this happened:

Louisiana Man was nabbed after he made the terrorizing remarks outside the make-up store in Opelika, north-west of Montgomery, Alabama last Saturday, WRBL reported.

“I’m going to blow this s**t up!” Louisiana Man is alleged to have said, according to a criminal complaint.

At some point prior to being cuffed, Louisiana Man got creative and managed to cover his face with the markers.

It wasn’t immediately clear where he got hold of the colorful materials.

Louisiana Man has since been banned from Ulta for life.

That'll show him. 

A story like that can mean only one thing: Florida Man has exactly one week to reclaim his crown of glory in time for the next exciting episode of...

Florida Man Friday

The Friday edition of Five O'Clock Somewhere resumes in two weeks but we'll be back for the Monday show, you'd better believe it.