On Thursday, the Secret Service concluded its investigation into the cocaine found at the White House. In a result that shocked no one, the Secret Service failed to determine how the cocaine got into the most secure building in the world and is closing the investigation, hoping the nation will be distracted by something else soon.
According to the Secret Service, there were no fingerprints or DNA on the bag of cocaine, and they have no leads or video evidence.
“On July 12, the Secret Service received the FBI’s laboratory results, which did not develop latent fingerprints and insufficient DNA was present for investigative comparisons,” the Secret Service said in a statement. “Therefore, the Secret Service is not able to compare evidence against the known pool of individuals. The FBl’s evaluation of the substance also confirmed that it was cocaine.”
The statement continued, “There was no surveillance video footage found that provided investigative leads or any other means for investigators to identify who may have deposited the found substance in this area. Without physical evidence, the investigation will not be able to single out a person of interest from the hundreds of individuals who passed through the vestibule where the cocaine was discovered. At this time, the Secret Service’s investigation is closed due to a lack of physical evidence.”
We’re apparently supposed to believe that a ghost brought the cocaine into the White House, I guess. Otherwise, we’re supposed to believe that the culprit is a criminal genius who knew how to avoid leaving any trace evidence and knew exactly where all the blind spots in the heavily surveilled White House just happened to be.
Related: There’s Only One Way Cocaine Could Have Gotten Into the White House
The result, frankly, isn’t surprising. Not only have the White House and Secret Service been setting low expectations, but the story of where the cocaine was found changed multiple times. It was clear as day that a cover-up was underway, and the simplest explanation pointed to a suspect that was never going to face any consequences: Hunter Biden. Who else could bypass the heavy security at the White House but a member of the first family who doesn’t go through the security checkpoints?
“The only way to get cocaine into the White House in the first place is to bypass the checkpoints,” Dan Bongino, a former Secret Service agent, explained. “It’s someone who would have bypassed the checkpoints. Well, who bypasses the checkpoints? The Secret Service with the protectees.”
“It’s a simple explanation, man. Occam’s Razor, keep it simple, stupid. Sad but true,” he continued. “That is most likely what happened. It’s the only way that would have gotten in there. No one’s getting in the 18-acre complex. Nobody — not staff, no one else — with cocaine on them. Period.”
And who is the head of the Secret Service? Kimberly Cheatle. Why does this matter? It just so happens that Cheatle and Joe Biden have a history, as she served on his security detail while he was vice president. I don’t know if she was one of the agents he used to swim nude in front of, but anything is possible.
