So, you’ve come this far. You know which fast food restaurants are a waste of time, and which ones are a better deal than your local Applebee’s. But we’re not through yet. There’s still way too many options! There are so many fast food restaurants on the highway that it can get absolutely bamboozling when it comes to making the perfect choice. If only those interstate signs would provide some instructions to lead you and your road crew to the quality grease. Don’t despair: I’ve been there too, and after trying just about everything out there, it’s very easy to reduce the fast food game down to a simple “yes or no” answer.
1. Little Caesars Pretzel Crust Pizza
Although you can never go wrong with the Little Skeezers Five Dollar Hot n’ Sweaty, an extra dollar gets you way more grease in the form of the new Pretzel Crust pizza. Wendy’s had their chance with their pretzel bun burger, but that was trash. The Pretzel Crust pizza, on the other hand, is a pizza filled with nothing but great ideas. Normally you would have to go to the mall to get a pizza pretzel along with the obligatory trip to Hot Topic, but not anymore. Little Caesars wins this round for taking mall food out of the mall.
2. Taco Bell Dollar Cravings Menu
Taco Bell has been ruthlessly creative with their menu lately, dropping new items on a seemingly weekly basis. The Doritos Locos? What a work of genius. The Waffle Taco? How unique. The XXL Steak Taco? Please come back. What could they possibly do to top this onslaught of delightful fast food?
BEHOLD THE NEW TACO BELL DOLLAR CRAVINGS MENU. One could argue that the new menu is merely old items with a few added toppings, and they would be correct until they try the Fritos Burrito. You can’t go wrong with any of the new items, but this one is a real winner.
3. Wendy’s Frosty Nugfest
“What’s the Frosty nuggets — a secret menu item?” If only they were so clever. No, the nugfest is merely a test to see who can eat the most chicken nuggets at Wendy’s. You can try to eat 25+ nuggets by yourself, but that’s about as fun as drinking alone. Where’s your sense of competition? It’s even better for a long car trip. Get a sack full of nugs, blast the greasiest doom metal album you can think of and take a trip down the nugget road. You’re almost ready, but don’t forget to grab some dipping Frostys to complete the frosty nugfest.
4. Rally’s More for Less Menu: 2 for $3 and 2 for $4
The monstrosity you see here is the Fry Lover’s Burger after colliding with the Spicy Chicken Sandwich, contained by two slices of sourdough toast. If assembled properly, it’s the best $3 you’ll ever spend on fast food. Try every single combination on both menus — you’ll eventually find the winning team that will lead you to a fast and greasy victory. If you’re feeling like fried is in order, the $2 chicken box will serve as an all-purpose side item. The fried shrimp box isn’t for everyone, but don’t write it off until you’ve drowned the whole box in buffalo sauce.
5. White Castle Crave Case
The Crave Case is not your typical box deal that nearly every fast food restaurant offers. It is a treasure chest of tiny burgers. This is not a bounty you share with half-hearted friends; this endeavor is for true allies who want to test their might. When you share a Crave Case with someone, you won’t forget it. After eating a Crave Case, there are few more barriers to cross in your friendship. I can think of no better birthday present than a Crave Case. Next time you find the idea center in your brain has gone bankrupt, remember the Crave Case.
6. and 7. Pizza Hut Single-Topping Pizza and Lunch Buffet
Pizza Hut’s Book It! program recently turned 30 years old. For those who grew up in the ‘80s or ‘90s perhaps you may vaguely remember collecting Book It! points to earn a single-topping personal pan pizza. If only getting free pizza was still as simple as enhancing your knowledge. But now they’re asking for Book It! alumni to sign up. Could this mean the return of free pizza? Maybe I’m just a moron like everyone else who signed up, but what do I have to lose besides a little privacy? If all else fails, Pizza Hut’s lunch buffet is still way rad.
8. Burger King Double Whopper
Burger King is usually a waste of time, but I must give credit where credit is due. The only reason to go to Burger King is for the Double Whopper. Where the rest of their menu falls face first into the trash, the Double Whopper reigns supreme as the heavyweight champion of grease. Sometimes you just need a sandwich you can count on. Sometimes you’ll find yourself wandering the streets of some ratty neighborhood, perhaps you’re too hungover and weak to handle life. You’re probably thinking, “Why does this keep happening to me?” But don’t worry, you have the power to GET THE DOUBLE.
9. Sonic Chicago Dog
Don’t stop at Circle K for a hot dog, they don’t have what you need. Strange food is afoot at the Circle K, so keep driving. When you gotta go fast, Sonic will accommodate you every single time. You can pick up any dog from Sonic and pretty much be home free, but the Chicago Dog is truly magnificent. Every detail is immaculate, from the crunchy peppers down to the poppy seed bun. It’s this close to being on par with food truck dogs.
10. McDonald’s Breakfast McGriddle
I actually don’t ever enjoy fast food breakfast. Spilling packaged corn syrup all over my shirt and pants is hardly my idea of a good time. I’ll defend the finer points of sloppy fast food, but breakfast was a lost cause until recently. That’s exactly why the McGriddle from McDonald’s Breakfast Menu is probably the most heroic sandwich to come out of the fast food breakfast game. Not only does the McGriddle solve all the problems with fast food breakfast, it tastes better than anything else you can get at McDonald’s. This is the best breakfast by camp Sandusky.