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The Morning Briefing: 'Please Scream Inside Your Heart'—2020 Gives Us the Greatest Emotional Request Ever

Yes, Lets All Scream

While 2020 has been a thoroughly awful slog of a year, making most of us want to scream at one time or another, there have been a few upsides. We’ve gotten to reconnect with a lot of friends and relatives during quarantine while discovering the joys of Zoom happy hours. The plague and riots have forced a lot of good dark humor out of us, especially in the form of memes. Now, this most ridiculous of years has given us a line I think a lot of us will be using for sometime to come.

We continue to be worried about how the coronavirus is transmitted. We also continue to not be sure. After months of washing packages and groceries down we learned that it probably didn’t linger on surfaces for very long. We are all still being implored to wear masks, even thought there is a lot of debate about how much the cloth masks are actually helping.

Now, a Japanese theme park is worried about the plague being spread via screaming roller coaster riders and has come up with a most polite request help prevent that. Rick wrote about it yesterday:

The advice is being given to customers visiting the Fuji-Q Highland theme park and riding the two-kilometer-long Fujiyama rollercoaster. Apparently, even wearing a mask can’t protect your fellow riders if you inadvertently let out a hearty scream while careening around the track. So the company is advising riders not to scream out loud but rather to do it “inside your heart.”

Can you imagine us coming up with something like that here? An American theme park would more likely come up with something like, “If You Scream, You Die. So Shut It.”

On Wednesday, a friend sent me the tweet that kicked all of this off, saying, “I found the theme of the back half of 2020.” I’m not even the screaming type and I had to agree.

Thinking about it, screaming inside one’s heart may be a healthy occasional substitute for day-drinking, especially now that it looks like we might be shut down for the rest of the year. That scream you hear inside your heart might just be saving your liver.

My liver.

Somebody’s liver.

scream
(AP Photo/Sotheby’s, File) 

I’m planning on adapting this for responses other than screams. For example, if I annoy someone (it happens), I’ll say “Please complain about me inside your heart.” Or the next time a woman wants to leave me: “Please break up with me inside your heart.” Then I will scream inside of mine, of course.

We are probably going to need some primal scream therapy for the rest of the year. If the screaming can be done in our hearts, things will be a lot less cacophonous.

So let’s hop on that emotional roller coaster for the rest of the year, have a good scream inside our hearts, then get together for a Zoom happy hour to discuss it.

Whoa

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PJ Media Senior Columnist and Associate Editor Stephen Kruiser is the author ofDon’t Let the Hippies ShowerandStraight Outta Feelings: Political Zen in the Age of Outrage,” both of which address serious subjects in a humorous way. Monday through Friday he edits PJ Media’s “Morning Briefing.” His columns appear twice a week.