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Dating is War

At least, that's what Amy Alkon says in her new book Good Manners for Nice People Who Sometimes Say F*ck.

by
Helen Smith

Bio

June 16, 2014 - 10:26 am

goodmannersbookcover

I have been reading and re-reading the book this week and her chapter on dating was particularly interesting.

In a section called “Dating is War,” Amy describes dating rudeness and perceived rudeness. She makes a good point: “The truth is, in dating, a good bit of the hurt and anger people feel is caused not by rude behavior but by misconceptions about the opposite sex and the way things ‘should’ work as opposed to the ways they actually do.” The war between the sexes, according to the book, is one that goes back millions of years and has to do with the ensuing differences in what sex can end up costing us. Women want men who can provide if she gets pregnant and men like the sight of a good looking woman. Well, it’s more complicated than that, but you get the idea.

She says we need to accept that men act like men and women act like women when it comes to dating and that it is evolutionary. Perhaps, but then, many things are “evolutionary” but we strive to be better than that or to change our response to something that may have served us well as cave men but now, not so much.

That said, Amy has great advice for those who are dating, for example: Don’t date people you aren’t attracted to, assume that everyone you meet on the Internet is lying their ass off until proven otherwise, and how to politely tell a potential sexual partner that you have an STD (prior to having sex is the first step). Luckily, she provides good advice on how to deal with each of these areas so that you come out of the dating experience with some dignity!

The book is loads of fun and very entertaining. If you want to learn manners on anything from dealing with a bad neighbor to eating, drinking and socializing in modern times, read it.

******

Cross-posted from Dr. Helen’s blog

Helen Smith is a psychologist specializing in forensic issues in Knoxville, Tennessee, and blogs at Dr. Helen.
All Comments   (1)
All Comments   (1)
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Dating is War?

I beg to disagree. Dating is about finding out if the person you're physically attracted to is also interesting, fun to be with, has a good character, shares you basic values and will make a good long term partner in life. All of which can be discovered by spending time and experiences with them.

This reminds me of 'The Rules' and all the other fadish, simple minded dreck foisted on the young and inexperienced.
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