Disney is making a live-action version of Snow White, because of course they are, and the movie looks even worse and more woke than even my jaded self could have imagined because management has not yet finished relieving itself on the quality content produced in bygone eras.
The corpse of Walt Disney could not be reached for comment due to spinning so hard that it was last seen digging its way deep into the Earth’s mantle.
For only the third time in VodkaPundit’s 21-year history, I find myself with almost nothing to say other than, “I literally can’t even.” The first time was maybe a year ago.
But do notice that I wrote “almost nothing,” because, please, just look at this:
— End Wokeness (@EndWokeness) July 14, 2023
The formerly “fair maiden” known as Snow White is now Latina and the Seven Dwarves are One Dwarf and Six Painfully Diverse Magical Creatures Dressed in Garb Cast-Off from the Greater Des Moines Renaissance Faire.
The live-action Snow White will be, from all appearances, not only worse than you imagine but worse than you can imagine.
The Daily Mail reminds us today that “Disney announced that ‘magical creatures’ would replace the seven dwarves to ‘avoid reinforcing stereotypes’ after Game of Thrones actor Peter Dinklage criticised the ‘f****** backwards story’ last year.” Dinklage’s comment destroyed six high-paying, high-profile acting jobs for his fellow dwarves, but whatever.
There are a few things that must be said, that must be asked.
First, a question: does Disney have nothing better to do than burn money?
Another question: wouldn’t it be cheaper, in the long run, for Disney just to set actual fire to $200 million instead of producing a live-action movie that won’t make money but will tarnish the beloved animated classic? It’s as though Disney management, owners of a vault filled with some of the world’s most valuable intellectual property, decided to lock a pack of Rottweilers suffering from explosive diarrhea in there.
Disneyfied Star Wars is, at best, moribund. The once-unbeatable Marvel Cinematic Universe has produced nothing but box-office clunkers since 2020, alongside 37,000 new Disney+ streaming TV shows, two of which were watchable. Disney’s “Indiana Jones” got bullwhipped last week by an indie production called “The Sound of Freedom.” Woke, live-action versions of “The Little Mermaid,” “Mulan,” “Peter Pan And Wendy” (which Disney wouldn’t even deign to release in theaters), and others all tanked. The magic of Pixar is no more.
Bob Iger, the two-time CEO responsible for this wanton destruction, has just had his contract re-upped for another two years.
Recommended: Indiana Jones’ B.O. Stinks
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