Thoughts and prayers for Florida Man, Florida Woman, and Florida Everything as Hurricane Dorian bears down on the state. Let’s hope that by this time next week, we’re joking about how that “absolute monster” of storm turned into a drizzle — but we won’t count on it.
If you don’t mind me borrowing a little of Florida’s resilient spirit, let’s enjoy another lighthearted Florida Man Friday, as everyone there prepares to endure Dorian.
So let’s board up the windows and head for the high ground on another…
Florida Man Friday!
We'll be okay, hurricanes are what give us the strength to become florida man
— Deux (@DXVSDeux) August 30, 2019
This Is Why There Will Always Be a Florida, and Florida Man
Is it wrong that this got me a little verklempt?
Most Florida Man Story Ever (This Week)
“Officials seized more than 1,600 fake Yetis, cash, cashier’s checks. A 2014 Ford van, miscellaneous Yeti accessories and exhibition booth signage, the sheriff’s office said.”
You’re probably thinking, “This would be a better story if he’d gotten caught selling real yetis, because who expects to find abominable snowmen in Florida?” But it turns out he was selling knockoff Yeti drink tumblers.
I Knew You Were Coming, Dorian, So I Baked You a Cake
— floridamann (@floridamann11) August 29, 2019
Florida Woman has got plenty of spunk, and a steady hand with the pastry bag.
Florida Woman Reduces Carbon Footprint by Taking Public Transportation, But Everything Goes Wrong
If you read this story past the headline… why?
Well, Was There? Was There?
— Florida Man (@FloridaMan__) August 29, 2019
News Brief: Only in Florida
There’s video of that last item at the link, if you simply must.
This Would Never Happen to the Fonz
Fortunately, the victim’s injuries weren’t serious enough to warrant a hospital visit.
Florida Man Heroes Up for Unknown Florida Woman
I found a wallet $300 CASH/cards. Florida Driver's License
I waited 25 mins by ATM where I found it. Woman traveled to Ohio to escape #HurricaneDorian to stay with family. She was crying. Been there before. I know what that panic is like. Wallet now back in owner's possession.
— Scott Ford (@ScottFordTVGuy) August 30, 2019
Isn’t that lovely? Bravo to Florida Man Scott Ford.
When Seconds Count, Florida Woman Is Already There
Dan Zimmerman has the details:
Piers Morgan may wonder why Americans own firearms, but unlike his countrymen, we have a right to do so. And many of us realize that we are our own first responders. Whether it’s an un-armed Brit bobbie or a Pasco County, Florida deputy, Johnny Law will almost never be there in time to protect you and your loved ones from someone who would do you harm.
Take, for instance, the example of a Hudson, Florida mother of four who encountered an intruder on her property over the weekend.
She first called 911 when he was wandering on her property and came to her door. She didn’t recognize him and called police… [twice!]
It took police a total of 26 minutes to arrive, 13 minutes after the more urgent call.
I’m not sure this Colorado Man would have had her discipline, if you know what I’m saying.
As a Matter of Fact, This Warning Is Completely Necessary
This reminds me a bit of my favorite, if that’s the word, complaint about shootouts in movies. According to Hollywood physics, when a bullet strikes glass, the glass shatters, and then immediately the bullet disappears as though it had never existed.
Crime of the Century
There is a right way and a wrong way to deal with firearms, and this is by my count at least 17 wrong ways.
Because of Course He Did
Would he still have done this if he hadn’t had his camera to video it?
Meanwhile, On Instagram…
I mean….. Hurricane parties are kind of what we do.
And this stuff just kinda, happens with "Florida man."
— Cynthia Wood (@cynthiamwood) August 30, 2019
Hang in there Florida Man, and hopefully by next Friday the storm will have passed, the tides receded, the floodwaters drained, and everyone back home, safe and dry, in time for another…
Florida Man Friday!