50 Things That Will Happen in 2004

Ralph Nader will run for President again, but do worse than in 2000.

The Libertarians will nominate an anti-war candidate, and also do worse.

The Democratic Convention will be the most unruly and watchable since 1968.


The Republican Convention will be the most saccharine and unwatchable since 1984.

Dennis Kucinich will propose a Constitutional amendment granting the vote to kitties.

Howard Dean will come in second in Iowa to Dick Gephardt, win by less than 18 points over John Kerry in New Hampshire, and do no better than second in South Carolina. (However, he’s still the most likely nominee.)

John Kerry will drop out of the race after South Carolina.

Teresa Heinz Kerry will file for divorce in December, citing “irreconcilable finances.”

That same month, John Edwards will announce he’s returning to his legal practice come 2005.

Joe Lieberman will stick around through Super Tuesday.

Wesley Clark will be the Democrat’s vice-presidential candidate.

George W. Bush will be reelected with 52-53% of the popular vote, in a low-turnout election.

Hillary Clinton will watch and smile.

This time around, there will be allegations of voting discrepancies in Florida and California.

Turnout will be low because we’ll witness the nastiest presidential campaign in living memory.

Despite (or perhaps because of) the McCain-Feingold campaign reform law, more money than ever will be spent on elections.

The Democrats will keep John Breaux’s old Senate seat


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