What Can Princeling Hunter Biden Do That You Can't?

Hunter Biden got his “sweetheart” deal from federal prosecutors on Tuesday. For all of his shady dealings, the princeling was charged only with two misdemeanors for not paying his taxes in 2017 and 2018. Nobody was stacking charges on ol’ Hunter. In a lucky turn of events, not only did he not get jacked up by one of his dad’s new IRS hitmen, but Hunter was also granted pre-trial diversion for the felony charge of perjuring himself on a federal gun background check form because he lied about being a crackhead. And you can’t do that. Or can you?

Indeed, there are many things in the 53-year-old child’s adult life that he consistently has gotten away with. “I don’t think that there’s a lot of things that would have happened in my life if my last name wasn’t Biden,” he told ABC News in 2019. True enough.

His admission to the (recently deposed) reporter Amy Robach confirmed that his Burisma board gig came as a result of his last name. Hunter was gifted an $83,000-a-month no-show gig — worth more than a million dollars. Notably, and probably illegally, he was given that board spot three days before Vice President Joe Biden’s right hand, Jake Sullivan, announced to the press on a plane ride to Ukraine in 2014 that the U.S. would be endorsing “alternative” fuels — fracking, a Burisma specialty — and supporting it with U.S. tax dollars.

That juicy piece of news was reported to the FBI for looking like a naked exchange of U.S. support for Hunter’s and the Big Guy’s personal benefit. White House stenographer Mike McCormick was right next to Jake Sullivan when he made this stunning announcement on the plane. See my interview with Joe Biden’s stenographer below. That’s Biden’s actual stenographer, not The New York Times.

Later, Hunter would entertain a Burisma executive in the West Wing of the White House and top it off with meeting with his Dad. After all, the quid had to come with a pro and that was The Big Guy, Joe Biden. We know that because it’s in an email on Hunter Biden’s laptop … not that the special counsel cares.

Coinkydinkally, Hunter’s business partner, Devin Archer, Joe, and a Burisma executive were all smiles while not talking about Hunter’s job — you have my word as a Biden — on the golf course.

9/ August 2014: Pictures show Joe Biden golfing with his son, Hunter, and Devon Archer while they were both serving on the Burisma board. https://t.co/XUZVDWfOxg

— That Michael Caputo (@MichaelRCaputo) July 28, 2022

The princeling has routinely shared the spotlight with his father in both his roles as president and vice president. The Biden bag man is a recovering crackhead, but on an almost daily basis these days, Joe Biden effuses about how proud he is of Hunter.

Joe Biden on Hunter: “My son's done nothing wrong. I trust him, I have faith in him, and it impacts my presidency by making me feel proud of him.”

pic.twitter.com/poSDI5f43H

— Benny Johnson (@bennyjohnson) June 20, 2023

As comedian Chris Rock once quipped about notorious crackhead and former D.C. Mayor Marion Barry’s participation in the Million Man March, “Even in our finest moment, we had a crackhead on stage.” This is an everyday occurrence at the Bidens.

Here are a few more things that Hunter Biden gets away with but you can’t:

Engaging in human trafficking by hiring prostitutes from a known sex trafficking ring and moving the women across state lines, according to his laptop. Don’t try this one at home.
Calling your friends the “n” word, which Hunter consistently did in writing and text messages with his friends.
Getting a millionaire friend and comedian to pay your outstanding taxes before you’re arrested in 2021.
Having a millionaire friend paying for your vacation home.
Being an apparent foreign agent on behalf of Ukraine and China without having to register under the FARA law. Paul Manafort went to prison for that, but he was a Trump guy, so who cares, right?
Having drug-fueled, videotaped sex with Russian prostitutes and not being called a drug user or accused of being a Russian spy.
Getting paid millions by Putin’s friend Elena Baturina, the wife of Moscow’s mayor, and never getting called, much less investigated, for potentially being a Russian spy.
Being flagged by the U.S. Treasury Department with dozens of Suspicious Activity Reports for doing deals with a Chinese company with connections to the Chinese People’s Liberation Army (PLA) and not being called a possible Chinese spy.
Paid $4.8 million by CEFC — coincidentally in 2017 and 2018 — and being charged with only two misdemeanors for not paying taxes during the same years.
Have a network of shell LLCs through which you can funnel bribes for your dad and nobody thinks it’s weird.
Your laptop full of crime is given to the FBI and is the only one the FBI has never read.
Not having a demonstrable job and the IRS incurious about where you get your money.

So “Where’s Hunter?”

WHERE’S HUNTER?

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) October 12, 2019

He’s living large, Mr. President.

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