The Morning Briefing: Let's Swap San Francisco for Greenland

Hear me out…

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to another episode of “Thinking Outside All the Boxes.” I’m your host, Stephen Kruiser.

Look, I have never liked the Bay Area. While California’s politics may have chased me away, I have always loved everything else about the state, except San Francisco and its environs.

The weather is always awful. The Giants play there. They have a problem with human feces on the sidewalks. The Giants play there. The city launched the public career of Kamala Harris.

The Giants play there.

Now they’ve decided that some friends of mine are domestic terrorists.

The city has become a festering boil on America. It needs to go.

So let’s revisit the acquisition of Greenland. We know that Denmark says the island isn’t for sale but — to paraphrase an old adage — every kingdom of fourteen people has its price.

Let’s offer them a straight-up trade: San Francisco for Greenland.

Denmark can have it all. The overrated bridge that’s hidden by fog most of the time. Alcatraz. The tourism money. The Giants. Heck, give ’em the stupid song too, but we’re keeping Tony Bennett.

It’s not as if San Francisco offers any sort of strategic advantage. The best it can do in defense of the United States is give an invading force syphilis and a nasty case of Hep C.

Ball’s in your court, Denmark. Take the money and run.

Regarding CNN’s Climate Hoax Megachurch Worship…

What’s to write? These people are redefining unhinged fascism every day. I’ll just share some of the Twitter reaction.

Save a tree, kill a baby: 

Yuck. Bernie says yes to abortions related to population control for the climate’s sake. pic.twitter.com/Hw8d5yijCe

— The Daily Wire (@realDailyWire) September 5, 2019

I’m right about everything:

Everything is an existential crisis to Democrats. And toddlers. #ClimateTownHall https://t.co/ykctej2S9W

— SFK (@stephenkruiser) September 5, 2019

“Ten Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest”

Honestly, I’m starting to think the GOP paid for this CNN townhall. The amount of ad material is insane.

— (((AG))) (@AGHamilton29) September 5, 2019

Let us now poison the planet with links.

PJM Linktank

Jussie Smollett’s Latest Legal Strategy: Blame Cops for Investigating

'Everything Is Bad And The World Is Ending And You Shouldn't Have Kids,' Says Party Of Progresshttps://t.co/jLNMF3c9Jp

— The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) September 5, 2019

The Kruiser Kabana

When the problem is the solution: BREAKING M6 closed after crash spills 32,000 litres of GIN across road

Florida Hippie

Florida man parks Smart car in kitchen so it won't blow away during Hurricane Dorian https://t.co/SsdEx3MGP7 pic.twitter.com/0LMAS81TuO

— ABC 7 Chicago (@ABC7Chicago) September 5, 2019

In honor of the Dems’ climate hysteria pimping:

Now get out there and see how much single-use plastic you can find things to do with today.
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PJ Media Associate Editor Stephen Kruiser is the author of “Don’t Let the Hippies Shower” and “Straight Outta Feelings: Political Zen in the Age of Outrage,” both of which address serious subjects in a humorous way. Monday through Friday he edits PJ Media’s “Morning Briefing.”