News & Politics

David Hogg's Pillow Company Is Proceeding Nicely

AP Feed

Last week I told you about former teen and current gun-grabber David Hogg starting his own pillow company to take down My Pillow founder Mike Lindell. You can almost see the cartoon thought-balloon over Hogg’s adorable little head: “Hey, if a crazy crackhead can become a multimillionaire by making pillows, how tough can it be?” Unfortunately, young Mr. Hogg is quickly discovering exactly how tough it can be. And thanks to the modern miracle of Twitter, we can watch him sink into a pit of disillusioned despair in real-time.

Exhibit A:

Whoops! Hey, how about finding a base of operations first?

California is a prohibitively expensive state for prospective businesses? Weird! Hey, I wonder why that is? Maybe Hogg will figure it out someday.

But otherwise, week one has been going well:

Hey, everyone. I just wanted to let you know an update about the pillow company. Will [LeGate] and I met with a lot of different mentors today from the soft products industry. To, basically, pillow experts, to just marketing and people who know a lot about business, and just asked them a lot of questions…

One thing we realized is that we’re not gonna start out selling a million pillows instantly, because we want to have a focus on quality. So what that means is that it might take us a month, it might take us two months. Maybe three, even. But we’re going to make a quality pillow that people can sleep on at night and feel good about. That is made here in the United States with union labor and is sustainably sourced…

We might start from humble origins, but that’s where giant companies end up coming from, too. Ya gotta start somewhere.

If I were Mike Lindell, I’d send this kid a free pillow so he can get some sleep.

All that sounds great, but isn’t it the sort of stuff you should do before you announce to the whole world that you’re starting a company in an industry you know nothing about, just to spite someone you don’t like?

It’s great to send out a tweet saying you want to “focus on quality,” but what does that mean? If you want to create a product that’s better than your chosen competitor’s, shouldn’t you study his product first? You can say, “Don’t buy this guy’s pillows because he keeps saying crazy stuff about Trump,” and your compatriots will jump up and down and cheer. But that’s not going to help you make a better pillow.

And does David Hogg really think this is going to happen within the next three months? Is that really his timeframe?

I mean, I’m not claiming I know anything about running a business either. I don’t. I’m not good at anything but tweeting either. That’s why I’ve never done something this stupid. This is like the Fyre Festival of pillow companies.

Fortunately, these youngsters have the media on their side. This still-unnamed company’s “humble origins” will include puff pieces in the Washington Post:

Two hundred smackeroos! Well, ya gotta spend money to make money. Can’t wait to see the best pillow company logo $200 can buy.

This is fantastic: The paper of Woodward & Bernstein is running a feature story on a company that doesn’t exist, concocted by a college kid who has never run so much as a lemonade stand, because those professional journalists agree with his political opinions.

It’s good to be a Democrat!

I sincerely hope that Hogg succeeds despite himself, and one day he can rub such mockery in the faces of his detractors. But in the more likely circumstance that he doesn’t succeed, I know he’ll find somebody to blame. That’s his business model.

Update: More good news!

Update 2: Oh, I forgot this one. Everybody knows that the first step in manufacturing pillows is putting together an “activist advisory board.”

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