This year has been tough on everybody, but perhaps none have suffered as much as our most cherished and most vulnerable class of Americans: journalists. So far in 2020, journos have endured the pandemic and the mostly peaceful rioting and the cancellation of their favorite Netflix shows. They’ve persevered through torments most of us can’t even imagine. And through it all, one thought has kept them from plunging into the depths of despair. One shining dream: Removing Donald Trump from office.
Now they’re on the brink of achieving that dream — “Yay, 264 electoral votes for Biden! Just six more to go! Even though we just got done screaming that the Electoral College is evil and racist!” — but they still can’t celebrate. The finish line is right in front of them, but they still haven’t dragged Joe’s rapidly decomposing carcass across it.
This tension is, to put it in layman’s terms, driving these freaks completely bat$#!+. If you thought the libs were crazy as Hell before this week, and they were, now they’re frantically digging a hole in Hell’s basement.
Here, just look at this cry for help. Emily Dreyfuss, New York Times:
In the morning hours of Oct. 30, as most of the country slept, President Trump was binge tweeting again.
At 2:32 a.m., he told his 87.3 million Twitter followers: “Way ahead in Texas! Watch the Great Red Wave!”
Minutes later, he tweeted the hashtag #BidenCrimeFamiily, with a typo in the word “family.” That was it. No context, no link…
#BidenCrimeFamily, and the typo, is a crash course in how to rally supporters around a conspiracy theory — while neutering the attempts of social media companies to stop it…
And Mr. Trump’s typo? It was surely not accidental. That extra “i” circumvented Twitter’s efforts to hide the hashtag in search results. Called #typosquatting, this tactic is often used by trolls and media manipulators to get around the rules of social media platforms.
Here’s the offending missive:
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) October 30, 2020
That’s it. That’s the tweet.
Fans of the long-running FX situation comedy It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia will recognize Dreyfuss’s research methods here:
(The prevailing fan theory is that the lovably psychotic and barely literate Charlie Kelly misread “Pennsylvania” as “Pepe Silvia,” and his addled mind did the rest. Which, after this week, is now only the second-dumbest thing that’s ever happened in Philly.)
Ms. Dreyfuss goes on like that for 1,800 words, with a timeline broken down into five “stages” of her conspiracy theory, but you get the idea. The people who’ve convinced themselves that something called QAnon is a threat to our republic are now spinning their own paranoid epics about a secret army that’s being activated by Trump’s typos. Our moral, ethical, and intellectual betters have gazed into the abyss for so long that it’s now gazing back into them. And the NYT thinks it’s worth publishing.
As for Dreyfuss’s own Twitter activity, it might hold some clues as to her current psychological state:
have you brushed your teeth today? had any water?*
*me neither, it's fine
— Emily Dreyfuss (@EmilyDreyfuss) November 4, 2020
Yes, Emily, perhaps some hydration is in order. Maybe you could use a nap, too, and a nice bowl of soup. Also, throw all your electronic devices out the window and shelter in place until the voices go away.
And how am I doing right now, Dear Reader? Glad you didn’t ask. I’m feeling pretty good, actually. But that’s probably because I spent eight years mocking liberals for worshipping the president, and then I spent four years listening to the people who loved me for it suddenly screaming at me because I wouldn’t kneel before their sacred cow. Now I get to luxuriate in the cries of anguish from both sides, and it is highly amusing. Sorry not sorry.
Mind you, I’m not some lunatic #NeverTrumper who thinks he’s Hitler, and that everything I believed in before he was elected is wrong. That’s a good grift, and I don’t begrudge a paycheck to any of the “conservatives” at CNN and WaPo and the like, but it’s not for me. No, I do recognize Trump’s accomplishments. His Supreme Court picks alone are praiseworthy. If he loses, that legacy will endure.
If America decides to replace him with an even older guy who’s obviously down to his last marble, that’s just how it goes. Fine, let the babies have their toy. And watch Biden try to get anything done without the Senate or the courts. Let Kamala cackle and dance her way through the next four years. I’ve got plenty of spitballs for them all. I’ll be just fine.
Anyway. Hey, did you guys hear about the Sharpies in Arizona? What’s up with that? Did they really think they’d get away with this????
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