News & Politics

KFC: Kentucky Fake Chicken? The Vegan Freaks Are Trying to Ruin Everything

(Image by Denys Vitali via Pixabay)

It was one thing when Impossible Burgers started popping up at places like Burger King and White Castle. To me, all of their burgers are impossible because I won’t set foot in those places. But now the fake-meat vegan freaks are messing with a piece of genuine Americana. Now they’re using Colonel Sanders to push their synthetic slop.

Reuters:

Yum Brands Inc said on Monday it will be testing Beyond Meat Inc’s plant-based chicken nuggets and boneless wings at an Atlanta KFC restaurant, the latest fast-food chain trying new options to attract vegan diners…

Plant-based meat alternatives have seen booming interest from consumers and restaurants, supporting startups like Beyond Meat and its competitor Impossible Foods…

KFC, known for its fried chicken, will be serving the six or 12-piece combo plant-based nugget meals for $6.49 and $8.49 and boneless wings for $6 and $12.

So it won’t taste as good, but at least it’ll be more expensive. And it’ll give you a sense of unearned superiority, just like every other “green” boondoggle.

I’m with the incomparable Joe Bob Briggs on this one. If vegans don’t want to eat meat, then why do they want to eat stuff that kinda looks like, and sorta tastes like, meat? As Joe Bob puts it: “I’ve decided to chew leaves the rest of my life, but I want all the leaves to look like hot dogs.”

There’s plenty of stuff you can eat that isn’t meat and doesn’t look like meat and doesn’t taste like meat. Just eat that instead. Why gross out the rest of us with these lab-grown pseudo-meats and Franken-furters? If you’re too chicken to eat chicken, why fake yourself out with pretend poultry? It’s arguably less healthy than the real thing, it doesn’t taste as good, and when you’re done you’ll still be hungry for some actual food.

At least restaurants haven’t started serving insect-based fast foods yet, which the scientists tell us we’re supposed to eat to save the planet or something. But it’s probably just a matter of time until they try to make us choke down Kentucky Fried Crickets.