Pilates is Racist, Trans, and Fat-phobic. And MAGA.

I've never done Pilates. I admit to participating in the Great Cross-Fit Scare of the early 2000s, but I've never tried Pilates. Mrs. Brown tried Barre for a while, but neither held any interest for me. I haven't had a gym membership in four years. This was not due to the current trend of outing men as creeps for allowing their heads to swivel 45 degrees to the point that they might see a woman working out. I quit going to the gym because of the box-heads who scoop up every dumbbell on the rack, do two reps, and stare at themselves in the mirror before spending 15 minutes on their phones. I'm getting up there in years. I don't have time for that crap. And then were the TVs which were locked on CNN, MSNBC, or "Law & Order." As a conservative columnist, I have found that too much exposure to that kind of propaganda can lead to day drinking.

But if you, or someone you love, is considering trying Pilates or Barre to get fit, consider this caveat. There is a good chance that you are a transphobic, fatphobic, cis-gendered, white supremacist, MECHA-MOOGA-MONSTER-MAGA alt-right terrorist. And you're probably a COVID denier. No, really. Some person on social media said so, and she even has a whiteboard diagram that would turn Glenn Beck positively green with envy.

Related: Email Is Racist

The Publica recently highlighted Barb Puzanovova, a non-diet fitness trainer. Puzanovova was concerned about a woman who said she was ditching weights and turning to Pilates. Puzanovova commented:

Ultimately, every video that I’ve seen regarding the switch from strength training to Pilates or Barre or yoga is primarily because of the aesthetic look. Women are not wanting to look bulky or visibly muscular. Instead, they want that long, lean, toned look. While I support you doing anything that makes you feel affirmed in your gender. I do have a little issue with this. Most women are not actually strength training enough, and we tend to strength-train less as we age. (sic)

Puzanovova opined the "Pilates girlies" could be linked to "the COVID-19 pandemic, white supremacy, trad wives, former United States president Donald Trump, and anti-Queer and transgender legislation." And she brought the receipts, as you can see below.

pilates has driven this “healthy at every size” personal trainer on Instagram completely insane pic.twitter.com/Li4d8oreQL

— pagliacci the hated 🌝 (@Slatzism) February 5, 2024

If you look closely, you will see that she even managed to get the defeat of Hillary Clinton in there, proving that there are plenty of tinfoil hats to go around.

One of the main thrusts of Puzanovova's argument seems to be that women who participate in Pilates or Barre may be reinforcing binary gender stereotypes. Heaven forbid that a woman might want to look and feel feminine or use an exercise regime that could specifically benefit women. Not every woman wants to look or feel like a linebacker for the 1953 Chicago Bears. If a woman does want to bulk up and get ripped, fine and dandy. Rock on. But the same consideration should be given to women who choose other options. They should not be labeled subversive because they don't conform to the current pseudo-popular worldview.

People who wander down these kinds of rabbit trails usually do not procreate because of climate change something-something. On the other hand, they do vote. So that's something to worry about while you're on the treadmill. Hey, it beats watching "Law & Order."