Let's see how many sports/sex double entendres I can include in an article about the Senate aide taking it in the back nine. DING -- there's one!
One day, long ago, the left simply asked that we stay out of their bedrooms. Fair enough. Then they asked for tolerance, followed by acceptance. Today, I can't pick up my phone without seeing that now unemployed Senate aide taking a backdoor slider. DING!
FACT-O-RAMA! Disinfectants that claim to kill 99.9% of germs on surfaces -- such as Senate hearing room tables -- can't be trusted.
Personally, I don't care what two or more consenting adults do to each other. I just don't appreciate checking the news and having to see a driver in the pole position. DING!
How did we get here? Aww, you know!
We were scolded and told we were haters. But straight society evolved and gay people were granted the right to marry. Everything was supposed to be fine, right?
We were told to stay out of their bedrooms until they wanted us in their bedrooms. Check out this gem I wrote a while back: Why Is the Left Pushing Straight Men to Date Trans Dudes?
If they want us out of their bedrooms, why do middle-aged, out-of-shape gay dudes walk naked around our cities, flip-floppin' their johnsons in the name of "pride"? Why are attention-deprived men in dresses shaking their waxed bahookies in the faces of children? Why are blue-haired commie teachers waving dilly-doos at their third-graders?
I kinda think they wanted us "in their bedrooms" the whole time. No thanks, we're cool out here. And stay away from the kids.
The video of a man sacking a tight end (DING! DING! Double double entendre!) will be used against us. In his community, this cornhole champ (DING!) is a hero. Those of us who don't care to see the penetration in the backfield (DING!) will be labeled "bigots."
I have known gay people my entire adult life. None of them have ever shown me a video of them in sexual congress (BAM! Not a ding but a BAM! Get it? Sexual congress? Senate chamber?! Is this thing on?!?). I have not seen even one of them free willy and jump on a parade float.
Yet, I have also never seen a naked straight man walking down the street holding balloons. Sure, I saw a few streakers back in the 1970s, and I even performed my stand-up act in a nudist camp.
RETRACT-O-RAMA! I went on stage wearing nothing but a tie and opened with, "I'm sorry, I thought this was formal." The gig went great. It was the pre-show anxiety shrivels I could have done without.
Ok, so I may have "gotten busy" in an office full of prosthetic limbs once, but there is no video evidence of it...that I know of. Nor was there an intention to belittle people like runner extraordinaire and executioner Oscar Pistorius.
But we breeders -- for the most part -- don't believe our sexuality involves us getting naked in public. We also don't consider an afternoon of heterosexual blanket hornpipe to be an "f" you to the gay crowd. Honestly, we don't think about gay folks during sex. Well, OK, this guy does.
As I recently opined, the far-left "Gaystapo" harpies think they are "sticking it to the white conservatives" every time Ryan reveals his privates. So a dude taking a slapshot to the 5-hole (DING! DING! Another Double double entendre!) is just the middle finger to we drab vanilla types. Why else would the gents in the pitcher-catcher squeeze play (DING DING! DING! A rare tripe double entendre!) post the video to gay porn sites? They were, as my grandfather used to say, "giving us what for."
A message to our sapphic friends: we have done our part. We don't hate you (personally, I never did). We just don't care that you're gay (and I think that's the part you don't like). We have also "tolerated" a lot, so please, the next time you un-don your gay apparel and straddle the quarterback as he goes deep for the wide receiver -- before splitting the uprights, (DING! DING! DING! DING! Cuatro doble sentido, mucho aplausos!), maybe do it where normal people do it, like in a room full of fake arms and legs, ya weirdos.
DING Count! I spy 14 DINGS! Not to mention two doubles, one triple, and a very rare quad ding. Not too shabby! I wish I could have snuck in a good "zamboni" reference, but there is always tomorrow.
If you want to keep getting beaten by the giggle stick, check out my friends at "Jokes and a Point." They prove that we "vanilla" types are way funnier than the lavender-haired scowl-baby leftards who narcissistically think we waste our time thinking about them.
