Kruiser's (Almost) Daily Distraction: It's Hard Out There for a Seltzer and I Answer Some Questions

(Kruiser’s Permanote Description: This column is intended to be a lighthearted, short-form way to frequently connect with our cherished VIP readers. Sometimes it will be serious. Sometimes it will be fun. Sometimes it will be a cornucopia of intellectual curiosities and fascinations. OK, maybe not so much the last one. Anyway, as this is a departure for me, I’m including this explanation at the top of each post for a while. Also, non-subscribers can see the first couple of paragraphs so I am in desperate need of filler until we get to the private stuff (subscribe here). Please remember that there is a standing invitation to ask me anything in the comments. Once a week, I’ll answer.)

The Golden Age of Spiked Seltzers

As I am sure you are all aware, I have a lot of years of alcohol consumption under my belt, and my, how that belt has grown because of it. I honestly can’t remember when spiked seltzers became a thing; it just seemed like they were everywhere all at once. They’re kind of like Chipotle restaurants: no one really asked for them, no one is that enthused about them, yet they’re everywhere.

I didn’t pay attention to them until I went keto. Hard seltzers are keto-friendly and better on a hot summer day than one of the horse urine-based low carb or light beers out there. My 5 O’Clock Somewhere compadres Stephen Green and Bryan Preston have become fans and they’re not even doing the keto thing.


Guys who drink these things occasionally get crap from other guys and I don’t care. The ones who like to pipe up are usually clutching a Miller Lite or Bud Light, both of which have less alcohol than mouthwash at an all-girls finishing school.

What I’ve been noticing lately is that everyone is jumping into the hard seltzer game. Budweiser, Coors, and Corona all have hard seltzers. There are variety packs of Michelob Ultra Seltzer, which I imagine are only served at CIA black sites where they’re torturing enemy combatants.

The other day I noticed that MD 20/20 was in the game. You remember MD 20/20, right? That’s the stuff that high school kids drink when they run out of Boone’s Farm. Mad Dog was always the bridge from “illegally drunk teenager” to “oh yeah, he’s getting busted by his parents tonight.” No one has ever put any MD 20/20 product to their lips while sober.

Stephen, Bryan, and I occasionally pre-script our drinking choices for the weekly live chat. The 12% ABV MD 20/20 offering was mentioned in horror last week and VodkaPundit offered up a great line about it: “By the time MD20/20 seems like a good idea, it’s a very bad idea. This is known as The Jägermeister Paradox.


Let’s answer some questions.

Jennifer sent me several good ones but, since the rest of you have been slacking off, I’m not going to answer them all in one post. We do have one from someone else today, though!

Jennifer’s first, though:

1. Have you gotten tired of the air fryer yet?

Not even close. I wrote about the air fryer as soon as I got it back in March. I had no idea what was about to begin. About a month later, I made some bacon-wrapped jalapeño poppers in it that were so good, I just had to write about them. Last night, I fired up my grill for only the second time since that fateful day. I used to grill 3-5 times a week. I’m doing steaks in the air fryer now. They’re fantastic and the clean-up is easy.

I like easy.

As soon as I’m done writing this I’m off to make some Parmesan zucchini fries in the air fryer.

This next question is from yesterday’s taco-themed ADD post and comes to us from The Common Tater:

2. How do you feel about chimichangas?

For those who are unfamiliar, a chimichanga is a massive fried burrito. Its various origin stories take place in Arizona, but no one can pin down which one was actually the first.

Chimichangas are glorious, by the way. If you’re ever in the mood to take in more calories than you’ll need for a month in one sitting and have zero regrets, eat a chimi. The last time I had one was on Cinco de Mayo in 2019 and I’m still full from it.

On that note, I will leave you with this classic commercial from my hometown back in the day: