Seriously, What Has Seattle Ever Done for Us Anyway?
Now that it’s smelly warlord time in Seattle or CHAZ or whatever we should probably take a look at whether we should devote any resources to saving this city. For the record, I’m a hard “no” on that one. As I wrote in last Tuesday’s Morning Briefing, I am all in favor of letting every one of these liberal cities that are descending into anarchy burn to the ground. Most of those cities have far more historical value to the United States than Seattle — which is basically America’s appendix — does.
While on a long bike ride in the desert heat this morning I began to wonder what, if anything, in Seattle was worth saving.
I came up with nothing.
I do, however, have a few reasons that we should punt the entire place to whatever those CHAZ people are. It’s probably not the list you were expecting but bear in mind that I was having my brain baked by the Sonoran Desert sun while coming up with it.
Oh, according to my Townhall colleague Julio Rosas, who is reporting from Seattle, CHAZ is now becoming CHOP:
There is a growing consensus to rename the area from the “Capitol Hill Autonomous Zone” to the “Capitol Hill Occupied Protest.” An occupier is trying to remove one of the CHAZ street signs. pic.twitter.com/xgv7oiFsOF
— Julio Rosas (@Julio_Rosas11) June 13, 2020
1: Seattle Is Basically San Francisco With Crappier Weather
Picture in your mind America’s worst feces-covered gentrified hippie haven, move it north, add weather that’s even more depressing, and you’ve got Seattle. All of the patchouli, none of the historical charm.
I mention the hippies first because what we are seeing in Seattle is something I first wrote about seven years ago (and updated two years ago) in my book Don’t Let the Hippies Shower. In it, I detail how the radical hippies from the 1960s took over academia, became the Establishment that they hated, and really kicked the public school indoctrination mills into high gear. The street-marching anarchist wannabes who have taken over Seattle are proof that it all worked.
This is the sad triumph of public education. The one silver lining to the plague is that more people than ever now want to homeschool. It will take years until we can undo the damage the hippies have done. Until then, let ’em have CHAZ/CHOP.
2: Bill Gates
Yeah, yeah, he’s one of the richest guys in the world, but that doesn’t mean he’s right about everything. While we have all certainly benefited from the technology boom of the last 30 or so years, we’ve also had to endure endless lecturing from the tech billionaires who incorrectly assume that they are brilliant about everything.
I wrote in a VIP post last month about being on my last nerve with all of the tech billionaires who think that three weeks of writing brilliant code thirty years ago gives them the right to tell the rest of us how to live. Most of them are basically savants who can barely tie their shoes. The only one of the bunch I have any faith in to do the latter is Mark Cuban, just because he hangs around so many basketball players and their sneakers.
Gates has been especially tedious in the last few years because he’s become a card-carrying member of Team Climate Hoax. It seems that every time he has a spare moment he is overcome by the urge to explain to us why we need to support some New World Order crap in order to battle the looming threat of…weather.
Seattle loves this guy, so let CHAZ/CHOP have Gates so he can regale the hippie warlord there with his alleged brilliance about virtually every subject known to man. Who knows? Maybe he can convince them to bathe one day.
See? I told you this list wasn’t going to be what you thought it would.
I know that Boeing is headquartered in Chicago now but it was founded in Seattle and it still manufactures planes in the vicinity and everyone associates it with the area.
The once-shining gem of the American airplane industry has been having a rough go of it lately. When its newest airplane upgrade was grounded because it was falling out of the sky, it could have been taken as a sign that all things Seattle were falling apart. Sure, I’m availing myself of hindsight here but hey, it’s my column and I have a lot of creative license.
Boeing has gotten involved in the new hybrid NASA/private industry space race, which looked really promising for the company’s future. However, as my colleague Stephen Green has pointed out, it’s a clunky dinosaur of a company compared to Elon Musk’s SpaceX, NASA’s other partner. Boeing can’t operate as quickly or economically as SpaceX and may very well be left out of this dance in the near future.
Is it Seattle’s fault that Boeing is stumbling? I can’t be certain but let’s blame the city since random blame assignment is what we are all about here in the good U-S-of-A lately.
4: The Seattle Seahawks’ Epic Choke Against the New England Patriots in Super Bowl XLIX
Hadn’t the Patriots already won enough? On February 1, 2015, the Seattle Seahawks were staring a potential Super Bowl victory in the face when Pete Carroll decided to prove that the idiotic call he had made nine years earlier in the college football BCS National Championship game wasn’t a fluke. Facing a second and goal from the 1 with 26 seconds on the game clock, a timeout in the bag, and a running back nicknamed “Beast Mode” who had already rushed for over 100 yards and scored a touchdown, Carroll decided to call a pass play.
The ball was intercepted. The Patriots ran out the clock and Seattle had failed us as a nation once again.
How long must we let this go on?
5: Seattle’s Mayor Is Probably an Alien Pod Person Who Does Horrible Things to Small Animals
Seattle Mayor Jenny Durkan has been working almost nonstop the past few days to publicly defend the lawless CHAZ/CHOP freaks who have instituted mob rule in part of her city. She’s doing it gleefully too, celebrating the anarchy. Her Twitter timeline reads like that of a stoned Occupy leftover.
She’s also got one of those lefty smiles that give me the feeling that I don’t want to see what’s underneath her floorboards.
It is not unreasonable to want the government officials we elect to be in charge of our cities and states to come down on the side of their citizens who aren’t breaking the law, rather than excitedly championing those who do. Durkan can “Blah, blah, blah…” all she wants about CHAZ/CHOP merely being a grand exercise in free speech, but people engaged in peaceable assembly don’t usually run off the cops.
There is nothing to celebrate about the way Durkan is handling things. Law-abiding citizens who pay her salary are being pushed aside in favor of a bunch of latter-day hippies who contribute nothing to the future prosperity of the city she is supposed to be running.
If Durkan wants to be a publicity you-know-what mayor of a city that’s lost its mind, let her. Cut her and her merry little band of masked hippies loose. We really don’t need Seattle around for anything.
There are other fish markets out there.
PJ Media Senior Columnist and Associate Editor Stephen Kruiser is the author of “Don’t Let the Hippies Shower” and “Straight Outta Feelings: Political Zen in the Age of Outrage,” both of which address serious subjects in a humorous way. Monday through Friday he edits PJ Media’s “Morning Briefing.” His columns appear twice a week.