Florida Man Friday is back after a one-week hiatus, and this week, we'll learn why the gender pay gap actually runs the other direction (thank goodness), what a quiet night at Waffle House sounds like, and how New York Man broke pretty much all the laws in one headline.
Let us begin as we always do with...
The Most Florida Man Story Ever (This Week)
Alligator takes revenge on Florida Woman who angrily threw her shoe at animal
You probably never heard the old saying, "Don't throw anything at a gator that you don't want back."
Probably because it isn't an old saying. But it should be.
Florida Woman, caught here on video, got so mad at an alligator that she took off her shoes and threw them at it. Then the gator took one of her shoes and took off.
There's an old alligator saying: "Don't criticize a person until you've walked a mile with their shoe. Because people are stupid."
Also, I don't feel right saying that Florida Woman "got mad" at the gator, when really what she did was get stupid at it. With her shoes.
As always, one point is awarded in each category except when I say so.
SCORE: Dangerous Wildlife, Caught on Video, Went Viral, Fleeing the Scene (Gator), Water Hazard, The Elderly, WTF Were You Even THINKING?
TOTAL: 7 FMF Points.
Thanks for the solid start, Florida Woman.
Why'd It Have to Be Snakes?
Introducing a New Feature: DUELING HEADLINES!
Here's our first headline, courtesy of the NYP on X:
Florida man catches 87 invasive pythons in a month, awarded $1K through state incentive system https://t.co/d6EKSW5jG5 pic.twitter.com/Ery4eGOi04
— New York Post (@nypost) August 12, 2025
Here's our second headline, courtesy of CBS News: Florida woman snags $10,000 and 60 invasive snakes in record-breaking 2025 Python Challenge.
Hang on a second. Florida Man catches 87 pythons and is awarded $1,000 — or less than $12 per.
Florida Woman, on the other hand, catches 60 of them but wins $10 large — or almost $167 per.
How can that be?
Ladies and gentlemen, but mostly gentlemen, I present Florida Woman:
Winner of Florida’s Best Python Handler Challenge.https://t.co/yDOOKybLWl pic.twitter.com/5AXsrI2pTc
— Punisher Raphael (@PunisherRaphael) August 14, 2025
Life ain't fair, boys — and that's okay.
SCORE: Dangerous Wildlife, The Everglades (New! Can't believe this one took so long), and two bonus points to Florida Woman for... um... for... uh... because I said so.
RUNNING TOTAL: 11 FMF Points.
Exclusively for our VIPs: Thursday Essay: All That Jazz
I Went to See a Fight, but an All-Night Breakfast Broke Out
Florida Woman accused of accidentally firing gun during fight at a Collier County Waffle House
It was just a typical night at Waffle House with two women in a knock-down, drag-out fight, when...
...wait? Only two women were in the fight? Let's try this again.
It was a slow night at Waffle House with two women in a knock-down, drag-out fight. One of the women pulled a gun to hand to a friend — you know, in case it fell out of wherever it was (don't ask) and accidentally went off.
That's when she dropped the gun and, when she went to pick it up, the gun accidentally went off.
Fortunately no one was hit.
A deputy arrived quickly on the scene and arrested Florida Woman without further incident.
As I said, it was a slow night at Waffle House.
Pass the syrup, please.
SCORE: Drugs/Alcohol (the story doesn't say, but c'mon), Weapon (Preferably Unusual), Surveillance Video, Glamor Mugshot, Waffle House (New! And another one that took too long), Way to Take the L.
RUNNING TOTAL: 17 FMF Points
Bonus Florida Headline: Florida Man arrested after hiding in sewer
If you ever wondered what's worse than hiding from the police in a sewer, it's hiding from the police in a sewer but still getting caught.
Maybe He Didn't Know That Was Wrong
Mexican restaurant scuffle escalates after Florida Man assaults deputy
You know what I hate?
You know how sometimes you're minding your own business getting wasted on watermelon margaritas at this Mexican place and maybe starting a fight which is no big deal because this isn't some fancy Mexican place and what do they expect when they're serving up those giant watermelon margaritas like they're water so after you take a swing at this one guy for whatever reason like you can even remember that now the manager comes and tells you to leave and you're all like "I don't need no more watermelon margaritas anyway" and you take off walking and there's one of those e-bikes just sitting there which seems a lot more fun than walking all the way home but then this cop shows up and you fall off the e-bike into a bush and the cop wants to talk to you about that confrontation at the Mexican place and you decide to show that cop what a confrontation is but the next thing you know you're the one getting beat up pretty good and put in cuffs and taken to jail but then the worst part is you see the news the next day and it says folks told police you were this elderly man but you're all like "no man I'm only 58" but then you see your mugshot and you're all like "do I even remember my own age?"
Don't you hate that, too?
SCORE: Drugs/Alcohol, Vehicular Madness, Assaulting a Cop, Resisting Arrest, Should Have Taken the L, Glamor Mugshot.
RUNNING TOTAL: 23 FMF Points.
Not All Heroes Wear Capes
Ashley Moody honors Putnam County deputy for saving 1-year-old’s life
Nice work:
In late January, Putnam County Sheriff’s officials got a 911 call in the Satsuma area that a 1-year-old was unresponsive at a home. WJXT-TV Channel 4 reportedthat a 33-year-old man brought the unconscious child to a Sheriff’s patrol car when Wade arrived.
Wade immediately provided aid to the boy until medical first responders arrived.
“I worked on the child for approximately six minutes. At first, the child had nothing, and he was able to be revived right before I gave him off to rescue services,” Wade told WJXT, News4Jax.
Deputy Wade didn't just save the child's life; he got the child out of a house filled with illegal drugs — which is how the kid ended up almost dying.
SCORE: The usual three bonus points for Sheer Awesomeness to the deputy, and one more to Sen. Moody for being a class act in recognizing him.
RUNNING TOTAL: 27 FMF Points.
Previously on Florida Man Friday: Introducing Unhappy Gilmore
So How Did Florida Man Do This Week?
Five scored stories with a total of 27 points for a respectable average of 5.4.
Meanwhile, in New York City...
Nutjob busted for naked boat joyride escapes from hospital in makeshift disguise
A story like that can mean only one thing: Florida Man has exactly one week to reclaim his crown of glory in time for the next exciting episode of...
