Columns

The Morning Briefing: Coronavirus Confusion Edition

(Image: stokpic via Pixabay)

Cull the Herd

Yes, I’ll get to some impeachment stuff here in a moment but let us first take breath, look around, and make sure that there aren’t any dangerously stupid people nearby.

The New York Post:

Despite the catchy name, no, coronavirus has nothing to do with Corona beer.

Google Trends has noted that search interest for “coronavirus symptoms” has skyrocketed by 1,050 percent. Other top search phrases related to the deadly pathogen, also known as nCoV, included questions about how coronavirus is spread, its origins, prevention and death rates.

Here’s what we do know about the coronavirus: the current outbreak originated in Wuhan, China; symptoms include congestion, runny nose, fever and sore throat, much like the flu; it’s most likely spread via coughing, sneezing or physical contact with an infected person.

What we also know is that nCoV is not derived from nor related to the Mexican pale lager Corona Extra and Corona Light.

But that seemingly obvious fact didn’t make it to the many who, as BoingBoing reported, were engaging in another alarming search trend that, at once, reveals both our deepest fears and desires: “Corona beer virus.”

I know you’re all thinking what I am thinking: how can paste-eaters like that manage to Google something without putting out an eye or two?

On a more serious note, the coronavirus outbreak is beginning to seem like a real-life game of Plague Inc, a game I had fun playing a lot of a couple of years ago and which is now perversely enjoying renewed popularity.

The World Health Organization finally read a newspaper and hopped aboard the Obvious Train:

I favor dark humor, especially when faced with something terrifying like a virus that is having its way with people here in the era of modern medicine. It’s my coping mechanism, but I realize it’s not for everybody. So I’ll resist the urge to wonder why it couldn’t have wiped us all out and spared us this interminable impeachment boredom and move on to writing about the interminable impeachment boredom.

Interminable Impeachment Boredom Update

There is some fun news on the Impeachmentpalooza front. Cocaine Mitch is about to do the thing he does when — for at least an hour or two — he spells the president and takes over as the object of the Democrats’ wrath. The Dems got their hopes up about calling witnesses to continue their incoherent patchwork case against the president but that lasted all of a day. It now looks like McConnell will be able to put the kabosh on that and steamroll this waste of time trial into the waste bin of Can We Just Move On where it belongs.

Honestly, I wanted them to call witnesses, because it would have further gotten the Democrats’ hopes up, making it all the more delicious when they were inevitably dashed by McConnell.

It will all be over soon, then the Democrats will have to move onto their next non-election attempt at getting the president out of office. They’re running out of options, so expect whatever happens after impeachment is done to be so desperate that you will be able to smell the Democratic flop sweat in D.C. from anywhere in the continental United States.

Somebody Please Rescue Jennifer Rubin’s Cats When the Discount Vodka Finally Takes Her

PJM Linktank

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Bee Me

The Kruiser Kabana

#KruiserKid’s Soon-To-Be Alma Mater

I don’t get the appeal of chewing gum.

___

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PJ Media Associate Editor Stephen Kruiser is the author ofDon’t Let the Hippies ShowerandStraight Outta Feelings: Political Zen in the Age of Outrage,” both of which address serious subjects in a humorous way. Monday through Friday he edits PJ Media’s “Morning Briefing.”