‘Tis the season to be jolly, and in the final analysis, it is better to give than to receive.
Visions of sugar plums (whatever the hell they are) along with Dream Seeker Dolls and Treasure X Dino Gold Dissection Kits are dancing in the heads of pre and school-age children and grandchildren.
Older progeny want the latest X-Box. In wealthier precincts, a jet ski; in less advantaged communities, a pair of top-shelf Nike athletic shoes. For the poorest among us, a poignant collection of cheap gifts and toys from the Dollar Store, which recently became the Dollar-and-a-Quarter Store due to Biden/Harris mismanagement of the national economy.
Related: Dollar Tree Raises Price Point to $1.25, Citing Inflation
Perhaps — in some households — a good used car in which to head off to college. Be warned: students may come back different.
Good luck with the sticker-shock price of fuel, Biden-flation, and supply chain issues that threaten to send Santa into retirement.
Anyway, grown-ups want and receive gifts, too — even our loathsome politicos, despised media types, and simple everyday screw-ups skewered in the limelight of self-imposed idiocy.
That’s where this list of suggested gifts and stocking-stuffers comes in.
For no-talent liar Jussie Smollett, after his conviction for, among other things, being one of the worst people on the planet, a case of soap-on-a-rope from the affiliated tribes of Trump Nation.
For Terry McAuliffe, taken out by a political novice after mouthing toxic, woke aphorisms that anyone with half a brain knows he doesn’t give a tinker’s damn about, a lifetime subscription to Golf Digest, from Ms. McAuliffe.
For Anthony Fauci, a pair of flip-flops made in China’s Wuhan province, a piece of ironic junk mail from the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals, and a Christmas card from his personal physician reminding him that he needs to make an appointment to get his annual flu shot.
For Walter Isaacson, new CEO of CNN, a leafed-through copy of Network News for Dummies, with an inserted five-page missive from Peggy Noonan.
For Senate Republican Minority Leader Mitch McConnell, from House Freedom Caucus founding member Jim Jordan, an assortment of turtleneck sweaters, in various shades of yellow.
For Fox News anchor Chris Wallace, a signed copy of the George Soros manifesto In Defense of Open Society, with the inscription Keep up the good work, Chris!
A thanks-but-no-thanks New Year’s greeting card for HBO host and Democrat Herald of Doom Bill Maher, with a lump of coal, from House Speaker Nancy Pelosi.
A gift of hindsight for Alec Baldwin, and for the Kyle Rittenhouse lead prosecutor, Firearm Dos and Don’ts.
For Chris Cuomo, a solid offer to join Martha Stewart as co-host of the new-for- ‘22 Home Shopping Network morning show, Mission: Affordable.
For Homeland Security Secretary Alejandro Mayorkas (Editor’s Note: this gift suggestion has been deleted.)
Adorning Stacy Abrams’s mantel this year: a Christmas card addressed to “The Next Governor of Georgia,” from her second cousin, Alvin, Assistant to USPS Operations Program Specialist Regina Hollomon of Fulton County, Ga.
In the stocking of Vice President and Border Czar Kamala Harris, from White House Chief of Staff Ron KIain, two tickets to Tijuana, one way (and a notable absence of gifts or cards from anyone who has ever worked for her).
A special gift under the tree for Joe Biden, from former Trump Senior Advisor Stephen Miller: a step-by-step guide to the reimplementation of President Trump’s Remain-In-Mexico policy.
Now get out there and make this a Christmas to …
I got nuthin’.
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