‘Tis the season to be a lonely, hateful stain on humanity if you’re a bolshie.
I’ve made no secret that I used to be a New York City liberal. I know how they think. I know their motivations. They are tragically unhappy people, victims of their own victimhood. Most importantly they hate you for enjoying the holidays. Let’s laugh at them as we have some Christmas fun!
The leftists hate Christmastime for a handful of reasons. Let’s take a peak and see what lurks in the warped mind of a miserable, Yuletide leftist.
Woke
For starters, “woke” is a buzzkill. It’s hard to get into the Christmas spirit when literally everything the libs hate is on display.
Family dinner tables are covered in tasty dishes, yet all the leftists can think of is the “inequity” that comes along with “generational wealth.” Never mind that most well-to-do leftists probably had a person of color cook their holiday feasts when they were kids.
FACT-O-RAMA! I don’t personally know any conservatives who inherited “wealth,” but I know a TON of libs who live/lived off their parents well into their 30s. Maybe they’d have inherited some “wealth” if their parents didn’t have to feed, house, and clothe their lazy carcasses for over three decades.
I think for some libs there is deep, hidden guilt during the holidays. I know of several lefties who have thus far “Hunter Biden-ed” their way through life — meaning, they live off of mommy and daddy. Imagine pretending you’re “down with the cause” when you’ve spent your entire existence with a full fridge, located in a neighborhood where every driveway is home to a Lexus. You show me an Antifa meeting, and I’ll show you a bunch of rich kids who have never worked and whose parents never said no to them. Yet they don their Che Guevera t-shirts and play the role of the revolutionary, knowing full well that when their little commie meeting is over, mumsy left some organic, plant-based meatloaf for them in the fridge back home.
Nuclear Families
This is a cause for more lefty guilt. Leftists hate fun, and the holidays are a hoot. It’s hard for a lib to see happy parents taking their joyful kids to see Santa when your political religion tells you to snuff out the nuclear family.
PINKO-RAMA! Communist goal #40 to take over America: “discredit the family as an institution. Encourage promiscuity and easy divorce.”
The truth is, the more miserable a lib’s life is at Christmas, the more they miss the days when they were young and the holidays were fun. They are jealous, and it’s easier to pee in the sandbox than ask to be invited back to play.
Related: Nine Christmas Cocktails to Trigger the Libs
Capitalism
When your blue-haired, femminiello nephew isn’t sitting around hating his penis, he is probably on his China-made iPhone looking to purchase some Fidel Castro nesting dolls from Etsy. Remember, capitalism is bad unless your unjolly rancher nephew needs to purchase even more commie gear to impress zhis/zher friends.
CASTRO-RAMA! I’ve known a ton of Cubans, and not one of them wants to go back to their home island. There is a reason for that. I suggest we set up an “exchange student” type of deal where we send our pink-haired, “rebels without a pause” to Cuba for six months to see how much fun a tovarish can really have.
Holiday Food
Nothing makes a lefty crankier than a holiday ham. What you see as a honey-covered treat, the Marxist sees as a “meat is murder” crime scene. Be a lamb (heh-heh) and prepare your Marxy guest a delicious Cricket Roast with gravy.
Remember, there are two keys to a good cricket roast with gravy: 1) thaw the crickets first, and 2) under NO circumstances do you allow the Christmas-hating, com-symp near your ham. If they can talk the talk, they can walk the walk. Eat the crickets, Mao-mao! Remind them that there are starving communists in Berkeley who would gladly send an Uber Eats car to pick up that tasty, cricket roast temptation.
Religion
The leftists hate religious people. Correction, the leftists hate white Christians. When our forefathers weren’t “colonizing their way around the world,” they were praying, and that doesn’t sit well with the left-wingers.
The commos hate that you believe in something greater. They believe your religion is evil and is the root of all the world’s problems. Granted, it wasn’t Christianity that killed 100 million people in the last century. Never mind the collectivist genocide behind the curtain; it’s those pilgrims and their God — and yours — who are to blame for this “evil” nation, indivisible under, you know, the Thing.
Fah Who Foraze, Dah Who Doraze
Yes, that is what they are singing in Whoville at the end of “The Grinch Who Stole Christmas.” I had to look it up.
What Have We Learned?
We have learned that lefties are wretched, miserable, Christmas-hating a**-goblins. They will try to ruin Christmas for everyone.
The Grinch realized that he couldn’t steal Christmas. Even though he swiped every pop gun, bicycle, roller skate, and drum, every checkerboard, tricycle, popcorn, and plum, the Grinch lost. He can’t steal the Christmas spirit. So when that glum, poly-gender hermaprodingle tries to ruin your Christmas, remember to Fah Who Foraze and Dah Who Doraze the f*** out of them.
We will never let the commies kill the Christmas spirit. We never have. Why start now? Patriots will always win, and pinko poltroons will forever suck.
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Most of all, MERRY CHRISTMAS. Yeah, I said it, and the Marxists can cry all they like. As my granny used to say about the commies, “F*** ’em and feed’em beans!” Granny drank a lot, but her heart was in the right place.
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