President Obama, After Reading AttackWatch.com Submissions, Realizes He Actually Does Suck
Obama campaign strategists miscalculated when they created an encyclopedia of Obama's shortcomings.
September 25, 2011 - 12:00 am
This month, amid much controversy, Team Obama launched AttackWatch.com, a new website ostensibly designed to compile and refute all arguments against President Obama’s policies and actions in preparation for the 2012 campaign. Little did they know that instead of helping to launch campaigns against Obama’s critics, provide counter-arguments for statists, and generally support the president, the site would backfire, and Obama himself would realize he actually does suck.
“After reading all the complaints about me, compiled all together like that, I realized, I am a s**tty president after all,” said Obama. “The logic of the arguments, the reasoning, were just too plain-as-the-nose-on-my-face to ignore.” Obama went on to remark, “I had no idea I sucked so bad. That’s why I just kept doing the same stuff! I thought socialism was working. Everybody was saying it was working.”
AttackWatch.com submissions include criticisms of the president’s foreign policy of appeasement, the high unemployment rate, ObamaCare, inflation, the long, drawn-out recession, the anti-business nature of his administration, the nationalization of business, the crony capitalism, and much, much, much, much, much, much, much more.