It's time for your much-needed break from the serious news, and this week, we'll learn what happens when you try to bear-spray eight deputies, why the skid steer is not part of the amusement park, and how they do wildlife in Virginia.
Let us begin as we always do with…
The Most Florida Man Story Ever (This Week)
Florida Man sprays 8 deputies – and K-9 – with 'bear repellent' to evade arrest
Florida Man was walking down Old Dixie Highway in Vero Beach, and minding his own business except for the part where he had an outstanding arrest warrant. The story doesn't say what the warrant was for, but based on what happened next, I'd bet it was for something seriously Florida Man-worthy.
Uniformed deputies in a marked patrol car (cars?) tried to get Florida Man to stop, which of course he resisted and fled into the woods. One deputy reported:
Once Florida Man was addressed by deputies and ordered to stop, he walked away, resisting lawful commands. He continued to yell at deputies to leave him alone. A short time after initial contact, Florida Man pulled out a canister, which was later determined to be bear repellent spray.
Not that much later, because soon all eight deputies required treatment for "chemical irritation to their eyes, skin, and throat."
They'd sent their K-9, Jefe, into the woods to get Florida Man, which was when he pulled out the bear mace and went to town on everybody, including Jefe.
So they tased Florida Man, took his pistol away, put the cuffs on, took him to county lockup, and everybody lived happily ever after.
Jefe seems to be fine.
As always, one point is awarded in each category except when I say so.
SCORE: Outstanding Warrant(s), Weapon (Preferably Unusual), Tasered/Pepper Sprayed (x 2!), Hide & Seek, Resisting Arrest, Should Have Taken the L, Caught on Video, a Demerit for not releasing the video, and another Demerit for using bear mace on a dog. Sheesh.
TOTAL: 10 FMF Points.
Solid start.
If It's Tourist Season, Why Can't We Shoot Them?
Florida Man indicted in connection to Cave City rampage
Florida Man was up in Kentucky, visiting the Treasure Trove amusement park that he co-owns, and enjoying his time at the park the way so many people do: with a skid-steer in the parking lot, flipping over cars.
Wait, what? I don't think that's one of the rides or attractions.
Anyway, this happened back in August, but Florida Man — age 77 — was just indicted on five counts of first-degree criminal mischief, a Class D felony. But the video, his attorney says, "shows strongly, in my opinion, that he wasn’t trying to run over or harm anybody in any way."
"Oh, well, that's OK then," is exactly what the grand jury didn't say.
SCORE: You Can Take the Man Out of Florida…, Vehicular Madness, Caught on Video, Weapon (Preferably Unusual), Theme Park/Casino/Resort, The Elderly, Glamor Mugshot, WTF Were You Even THINKING?
RUNNING TOTAL: 18 FMF Points.
Exclusively for our VIPs: Pride Goeth Before the Fall of Europe
Whose House Is It, Anyway?
Florida Man accused of trying to enter wrong house while drunk
It's time for a Totally True VodkaPundit™ Tale.
20 years ago (!!!), my six-weeks-pregnant wife and I were in London for a wedding. Some local bloggers threw a little shindig in my honor our first full night in town, but Melissa decided not to go because morning sickness kicked in for the first time as we landed at Heathrow — and never let up.
There was much drinking. I won't name names.
Traveling from 6,000 feet above sea level to sea level usually means I can outdrink entire teams of Irishmen, but I forgot to factor in the jet-lag. Getting back to the hotel at 2 a.m., I careened down the lobby like a pinball trying to get to the elevators.
When I got to the room, I couldn't get the keycard to work, and made so much noise that it woke up my pregnant wife, who then had to get out of bed and open the door for me.
BUT AT LEAST I WAS WEARING PANTS AND FOUND THE CORRECT DOOR, unlike Florida Man:
At around 7 p.m., Florida Resident heard banging at the empty house next door to his on Winwood Court.
"It was quite scary, though, because I walked out there in the dark, you know, thinking it was might be an animal. I didn't think it'd be a nearly naked man," he said. He described the man as wearing only loose shorts, with no shoes or shirt.
Charlotte County deputies identified the man, who was accused of being so drunk that he forgot where he lived.
Drunk, naked, and at the wrong house — all by 7 p.m.?
Impressive.
SCORE: Drugs/Alcohol, Public Nudity, Hold My Beer, and a bonus point for getting it all done in time for dinner, even if it was at the county lockup.
RUNNING TOTAL: 22 FMF Points
One last thing. I know the video doesn't really fit the story, but I also don't care. It's a helluva performance, and you're welcome
Bonus Florida Headline: Florida Man with doormat reading ‘come back with a warrant’ arrested in large-scale fraud scheme
I guess they came back with that warrant.
Maybe He Didn't Know That Was Wrong
Florida Man switches license plate prior to second traffic stop in The Villages
You know what I hate?
You know how sometimes you're minding your own business driving through the Villages on a suspended license when you get pulled over for no reason except that maybe you weren't following exactly all of the traffic laws when the cop notices your license is suspended and you don't even remember why anymore so he gives you this criminal citation since maybe it's not your first time but you still have some driving around to do so you come up with this cunning plan where you put a South Carolina plate on your car and you're pretty sure they can't even pull over cars from other states but then that's exactly what happens because this other cop sees that the South Carolina plate expired like six years ago then the cop asks for your license which of course you don't have so you hand him what you do have on you which is the criminal citation from the last cop but you tell the second cop that they can't give you a ticket for the same crime twice because that's double indemnity which is when he arrests you instead and now you're trying to figure out how to get $300 from the bail bondsman without a photo ID?
Don't you hate that, too?
SCORE: Suspended License/Expired Tags (x 2!), The Villages, Criminal Mastermind, Master of Disguise, Recidivism, Glamor Mugshot.
RUNNING TOTAL: 29 FMF Points.
Not All Heroes Wear Capes
Florida Woman refuses to remove American flag after condo board’s ‘insane’ demand to take it down.
Damn straight, Florida Woman:
Danielle Byrami's South Florida condo is filled with things she loves. There are 2,200 Disney pins covering her walls, Lego recreations of ‘Jurassic Park’ dinosaurs as well as architectural models she's designed herself.
But when she hung an American flag in her front door window, the board president sent her an email: "I got a report about a flag hanging on your door. Our rules and regulations do not permit this. Please remove this ASAP."
The board claimed the flag was considered ‘art,’ and art couldn't hang in windows.
Danielle's response was immediate: "I won't take it down. It's insane."
"They are asking me to take down a part of my soul that I will not take down," she told WSVN [1]. "That American flag is part of who I am. No, I won't do it."
Danielle learned from a group called Help Me Howard that she has the law on her side, and forced the board — which is filled with commies, I assume — to back down.
Keep kicking commies in the virtual teeth, Danielle.
SCORE: The usual three bonus points for Sheer Awesomeness, another bonus point for Danielle wearing her "FREEDOM" t-shirt in the newspaper pic, Corrupt Officials (it's a stretch but one I'm happy to make), and one last bonus point for 'Murica.
RUNNING TOTAL: 35 FMF Points.
Previously on Florida Man Friday: He Brought a Screwdriver to a Gunfight
So How Did Florida Man Do This Week?
Five scored stories with a total of 35 points for another big average of 7 points.
Maybe I went a little crazy with the bonus points this week, but each one of them just felt so right.
Meanwhile, in Virginia...
NEW: Raccoon gets drunk at an ABC liquor store in Ashland, Virginia, and passes out in the bathroom.
— Collin Rugg (@CollinRugg) December 2, 2025
Hanover County Animal Protection says the raccoon "ransacked" the store before passing out next to the toilet.
"Officer Martin safely secured our masked bandit and transported… pic.twitter.com/PqDl23pymp
Raccoon goes on drunken rampage in Virginia liquor store and passes out on bathroom floor
In the immortal words of John Winger: "I wanna party with you, cowboy."
A story like that can mean only one thing: Florida Man has exactly one week to reclaim his crown of glory in time for the next exciting episode of...
Florida Man Friday
P.S. Don't miss Five O'Clock Somewhere with Stephen Kruiser and Yours Truly at 3 p.m. Eastern today. There will be day drinking.
