It's time for your much-needed break from the serious news, and this week, we'll learn what not to do during a routine traffic stop, all about the broken windows theory of romance, and how to dream big in Texas.
Let us begin as we always do with...
The Most Florida Man Story Ever (This Week)
Florida Man armed with screwdriver accused of blocking PSL intersection, fleeing
Port St. Lucie police were doing one of those traffic crackdowns, this time on drivers who enter an intersection on a green light without enough room ahead to clear it. Then the light changes and that idiot is still stuck in the intersection, blocking traffic. I hate those people.
Summary execution is probably too much, at least for the first offense.
Police caught Florida Man "blocking the box," and ordered him to pull forward so they could write him a ticket.
The normal thing to do is pull forward, say "Yes, sir, sorry, sir" a lot, and take the ticket.
Or — hear me out on this one, because this is a perfectly valid lifestyle choice — you could refuse to comply, threaten the cop with a screwdriver, swipe the cop with your car as you flee, and then get stopped and arrested just a short distance away.
As always, one point is awarded in each category except when I say so.
SCORE: Police Chase, Vehicular Madness, Assaulting a Cop, Police Bodycam, Fleeing the Scene, Should Have Taken the L, WTF Were You Even THINKING?
TOTAL: 7 FMF Points.
Don't Miss: Venezuela Is Training for World War III and I Can't Stop Laughing
Romance Isn't Dead, It Just Took a Beating
Florida Woman Charged After Smashing Through Bedroom Window To Batter Boyfriend
Ladies, did you ever suspect your boyfriend of sleeping with another guy, so you broke into his home, started a fight, and broke a bunch of his stuff so you could… I have no idea what the plan was.
Details:
Florida Woman was arrested and charged with burglary with battery (domestic) following an altercation at her boyfriend’s home.
According to the arrest affidavit, Lake County deputies arrived at the undisclosed residence around 6 p.m. to find Florida Woman and her boyfriend of two years arguing in the front yard. While she claimed she lived at the property and had forced the window open to retrieve her mail and belongings, deputies determined she was not a current resident.
The conflict reportedly began over the boyfriend’s male friend. Florida Woman told deputies she confronted her boyfriend because she disapproved of the friend being there, citing allegations of sexual relations between the two men.
Florida Woman told the police the boyfriend started it, but "physical evidence at the scene included a window pushed out of its frame, a broken TV sitting outside, and personal items scattered throughout the home" tell a different story.
#ProTip: Miss Florida Woman, there is no part of anything you did that's going to convince your boyfriend to be less gay.
SCORE: Domestic Bliss, Glamor Mugshot, Likely Story, I Just Seriously Don't Understand People Sometimes.
RUNNING TOTAL: 11 FMF Points
Bonus Florida Headline: Florida Woman campaigns to establish 'Trump County'
Maybe He Didn't Know That Was Wrong
Florida Man accused of stealing and altering truck, tossing backpack of meth into bushes
You know what I hate?
You know how sometimes you're minding your own business transporting a backpack full of meth so you steal this contractor truck because that seems like the most subtle way to transport a backpack full of meth but you've got this real cunning part of your plan where you disguise the truck with different tags and pulling off the toolbox and ladder which means that nobody will ever know but somehow the cops catch on because maybe you should have disguised it better with a mustache or something so anyway you've got this even more cunning part of your plan where you'll just park all casually and get out all casually and totally casually throw the backpack of meth into these bushes but it turns out the cops have this drone on you the whole time and you don't even get 50 feet away from the truck before there's cops all over you and the next thing you know you've got the cuffs on and you're wondering how long before you can sneak back and get your meth but the cops already have it?
Don't you hate that, too?
SCORE: Drugs/Alcohol, Police Chase, Vehicular Madness, Suspended License/Expired Tags, The Inevitable Helicopter (Or Drone), Resisting Arrest, Criminal Mastermind, Recidivism, You Hid It WHERE?
RUNNING TOTAL: 20 FMF Points.
Not All Heroes Wear Capes
Florida Woman's roommate had a boyfriend who didn't interact much, until one day...
Alexa and her friend were in the kitchen with their two dogs when the boyfriend sat down with a steak. “He was like, ‘Oh, can I offer the dogs a piece of my steak?’” she recalls. He had never met them before, so she says she didn’t think much of it.
But the dogs wanted nothing to do with him. “Both of our dogs were, like, really weirdly distant from him,” she says. They wouldn’t take the food at all, which she found odd because “both of our dogs are very food driven.”
The moment struck both roommates as strange. These dogs showed no hesitation around new people, so something felt off.
So they decided to look him up.
“We did some digging,” she says. What they found made everything click. First, they learned he was on house arrest because he “beat a man with a bat outside of a Wendy’s because that’s who his baby mama was cheating on him with.” Then they saw his name again—on the national sex offender registry.
“No wonder our dogs got, like, a weird feeling around him,” she says. “Because he was a creep.”
Exit quote: "Maybe say, ‘Hey, don’t date a guy with an ankle monitor on.’"
Solid advice. Also: listen to your dogs.
SCORE: Went Viral, Recidivism, Good Dog(s), and the usual three bonus points for Sheer Awesomeness
RUNNING TOTAL: 25 FMF Points.
Previously on Florida Man Friday: Does He Know About Shrinkage?
So How Did Florida Man Do This Week?
Only four scored stories — hey, it's a holiday — but still with a solid total of 25 points for a respectable average of 6.25.
Meanwhile, in Texas...
Two Texans, 21 & 20, allegedly tried to recruit homeless dudes into a mercenary army, seize Haiti’s Gonâve Island, kill all the men, and turn the women & kids into slaveshttps://t.co/nHOisEuPcG pic.twitter.com/Kewm2ZPa5u
— Twitchy Team (@TwitchyTeam) November 25, 2025
It's good to have a dream.
A story like that can mean only one thing: Florida Man has exactly one week to reclaim his crown of glory in time for the next exciting episode of...
