On this week’s Florida Man Friday we have the man who won the women’s poker tourney, Karen would like to speak to the manager of the naked gay beach club, and the most exciting Tchaikovsky performance in a very long time.
Let us begin as we always do with…
The Most Florida Man Story Ever (This Week)
Florida Man wins women’s poker tournament
Florida Man — a 70-year-old balding dude with a Santa-like white beard — enrolled himself in a women’s poker tourney. He was up against 82 “other” women and took home $5,555 in first place prize money.
“Per its anti-discrimination legislation,” reports the New York Post, Florida casinos by law cannot ban men from entering into a women’s tournament.”
Who is to say what a woman is, anyway?
One player, Ebony Kenney, tweeted, “Maybe Dave was overheard saying he ‘could pretend to identify as a woman bc they allow anything nowadays.’ And by maybe, I mean, 100%.”
So while I feel the pain of the women confronted and beaten by this male interloper, we’re no longer in a place where, as Kenney said, “men would get what these [women’s] events stand for.”
I guess this story is really less of a Florida Man item than it is Just Another Day in 2023.
Finally, this story left me with a burning question: Do I go with the Rounders clip of Teddy KGB splashing the pot or with the Rounders clip of Teddy KGB saying, “I feel so unsatisfied.”
It was a tough call and I hope I didn’t leave anyone feeling unsatisfied.
As always, one point is awarded in each category except when I say so.
SCORE: A record-tying 5 bonus points for Chutzpah.
TOTAL: 5 FMF Points.
It’s Fun to Stay at the YMCA
Florida Woman sues gay and bi men’s nudist resort for not letting her book a room
Sensing a theme for this week’s FMF report?
I promise it won’t last.
Look, I get it, ladies. The younger gay fellas tend to take good care of themselves, and if they’re walking around naked and totally uninterested in you, then where’s the harm?
But this case wasn’t even that:
Island House, in Florida’s Key West, advertises itself as an award-winning resort for men.
However, Amina Chaudhry filed a complaint against the resort with the Florida Commission on Human Relations, claiming it’s all-male policy is discriminatory and should be reversed.
As reported by Keys Weekly, Chaudhry had attended the resort’s annual Pride fundraiser in both June 2021 and June 2022.
The event allows non-guests, including women, between 5 and 9pm, when clothing is required around the resort’s pool.
That’s when Florida Woman got all huffy, insisting that she be let in during the guys’ private time, threatened to sue, and ended up being removed for being disorderly. The club does make accommodations for women but she wasn’t interested in those. Karen would like to see the manager penises, I guess.
I hate getting all serious during Florida Man Friday, but here’s the thing: Sometimes alike groups of people enjoy having their own spaces. Sometimes it’s the old-fashioned men’s athletic clubs. Sometimes it’s nothing fancier than the ladies’ room. And, yes, sometimes it’s the gay men’s nudist resort.
So what’s the difference between this story and Florida Man at the women’s poker tourney? Florida Gay Men seem to be a lot sharper about this stuff than certain Florida Women are and are ready to defend their turf.
Ladies, there’s a lesson in there somewhere, if you’d only look.
SCORE: Public Nudity, Theme Park, Should Have Taken the L.
RUNNING TOTAL: 8 FMF Points.
BONUS FLORIDA HEADLINE: Florida Woman says was dog stolen, shaved.
Never steal a dog. And only rarely shave one.
You Can Take the Man Out of Florida But…
Florida Man arrested after ‘dancing nude’ in median on Dorchester Road
True story.
I learned many years ago that if you take off your jeans and dance on the table in a window booth at a certain tavern in downtown Eureka, Calif., you will be asked to get dressed and leave. In my defense, the radio station I’d been working for had just gone permanently off the air — during the middle of the morning show I co-hosted — and I was not yet the skilled day drinker I am today.
Youth, inexperience, and a cocktail tray covered in zombies is a dangerous combination.
Florida Man, age 34, visiting South Carolina, got cited for indecent exposure for “dancing nude in the median” of Dorchester Road, according to North Charleston police.
Leave the naked public dancing to the 21-year-olds, sir!
SCORE: Public Nudity, Tourist Who Just Can’t Handle It, WTF Were You Even THINKING?
RUNNING TOTAL: 11 FMF Points.
Exclusively for Our VIPs: You’ll Want to Hire These PJ Media VIP Supporters to Teach at Your Local High School
Worst. Cosplay. Ever.
Florida Man caught with AR-15 after shooting into car
This is not a story of cosplaying gone wrong. This is a story of cosplaying that started out wrong and then got wronger and wronger as the day progressed.
So Florida Man was minding his own business on Wednesday morning somewhere in Okaloosa County, strapping on some body armor and loading up his AR-15 and a semi-automatic pistol for another day of fun and adventure and shooting at a moving vehicle.
As one does.
The driver wasn’t injured, so it’s a mystery to Florida Man why he bothered calling the police. Naturally, when Okaloosa County Sheriff’s deputies arrived, Florida Man took issue:
Deputies said they heard gunshots when they arrived on scene. They searched the area and located [Florida Man]. He allegedly reached for a pistol while “illuminating the deputies with a flashlight,” according to the release.
A deputy fired a single shot at [Florida Man], who hid behind a car. He ultimately complied with commands and was taken into custody.
Florida Man is charged with “aggravated assault on a law enforcement officer, firing into a moving vehicle, discharging a firearm in public, and possession of a bulletproof vest during certain offenses.”
But WHY?
You can kind of understand getting all dressed up in body armor and firearms to go rob a bank. But just to run around, cosplaying with cops who are shooting at you with real bullets?
In the immortal words of Jayne Cobb, wondering why Reavers eat people: Where does that get fun?
SCORE: Stupid Crime, Weapon (Preferably Unusual), Vehicular Madness, WTF Were You Even THINKING?
RUNNING TOTAL: 15 FMF Points.
Previously on Florida Man Friday: You’ll Facepalm at What He Did with the $5 Million He Stole
So How Did Florida Man Do This Week?
Four scored stories with a total of 15 points for an average of 3.75 FMF points.
Like last week, no high scores were set. But it was still a solid effort all around when I get to write about everything from body armor to naked beach clubs.
Meanwhile, in California…
Concertgoer lets out a ‘loud full body orgasm’ while L.A. Phil plays Tchaikovsky’s 5th
How about we just let that headline rest for a few minutes while Florida Man gets ready to reclaim his crown of glory in time for the next exciting episode of…
