Florida Man Friday: DUI Couple Gets It On in Backseat of Police Cruiser

Mugshots courtesy of Nassau County Sheriff’s Office

In an ancient tradition dating all the way back to earlier this year, each week I collect the craziest stories from America’s funnest state, a place where the palmetto bugs roam and the iguanas play… where the weather tries to kill you even on a nice day… but most importantly, the state with a sunshine law so revealing that every crazy little crime becomes a headline news item.

So join me, won’t you, on another…

Florida Man Friday!

Shall we begin?

Most Florida Man Story Ever (This Week)

That pair of mugshots at the top of the page? Well…

Florida couple busted for DUI had sex in back of cop car.

You might not believe it based on the mugshots, but these two have been to prison before.

The story:

Ex-cons Aaron Thomas, 31, and Megan Mondanaro, 35, were initially stopped by a deputy after they were spotted riding bikes with no lights and almost being hit by a car in Nassau County, Florida, the Miami Herald reported.

When the deputy with the Nassau County Sheriff’s Office pulled the pair over, he noticed that they reeked of booze and had bloodshot eyes.

Thomas and Mondanaro were placed in the backseat of a patrol car — and that’s when things got hot and heavy.

I’d like to thank everybody who sent a link to this story, and I do mean everybody. My inbox has never been so full, because you people are awesome.

A Worthy Cause

Corinne Ghelber, 66, has a rare disease with no cure and needs a new kidney. The toll-free number is 1-833-ADSKINZ.

Florida Woman has given us so much entertainment over the years, maybe someone will give something back.

Having Driven in Tampa, This Doesn’t Surprise Me One Bit: 2 Tampa Bay intersections on list of top most-run red lights in the country.

Crime of the Century of the Week

Mugshot courtesy of Pinellas County Sheriff’s Office

Pinellas school guardian pawned his gun and body armor because he needed gas money.

It’s pretty much impossible to hire good security in Florida, isn’t it?

Florida Iguana Madness Returns!

Previously on FMF:

Florida officials urge residents to kill iguanas

Pellet-gun toting iguana-hunter accidentally shoots pool boy

PETA urges: If you’re killing iguanas, do it in the “kindest manner possible.”

South Florida hot tub becomes ‘Porta-Potty’ for iguanas

Judge Cicconetti orders Florida man who threw iguana not to go ‘around bragging’ about what he did

So you know this week’s iguana story is going to be bad, don’t you? It’s worse than bad. Florida’s invading iguanas have breached the border, and have already been spotted as far north as New York City.

We were warned, but we did not listen. Soon, we will all be poolboy-shooting iguana hunters.

To which I say: Put the margaritas in to-go cups, because we’re going hunting.

And Who Are We to Argue with Florida Man?

Mugshot courtesy of local authorities

Florida man accused of exposing himself several times tells Pasco deputies he’s ‘just an a**hole.’

I’m hoping the judge finds some creative way to make the punishment fit the crime. I’ll report back to you if he does.

Let’s Get This Clear: You’re the Walrus, He’s the Goatman

There aren’t that many inspirational stories involving this many goats, but Florida Man is beholden to no traditions or expectations.

That’s Entertainment

Posting this one only because I saw The Revivalists play in Denver a couple years ago, and they were quite good. Worth checking out if you’ll be in the area then.

We’re All Florida Man Now

I think she’s onto something. Is it time for the rest of the country to up our game? Well, as I write this, the Area 51 Raid is actually taking place — and that counts for something, yes?

Crime of the Century of the Week II

Got beef? Florida man throws raw burger meat on car, police say.

No one was injured other than the cow, presumably.

Is It Just Me, Or Does He Look Like a Low-Rent Jeffrey Epstein?

To be fair to Florida Man, not everyone can afford $3.99 a minute.

News Brief: Only in Florida

Florida Woman Accused Of Mailing Threatening Letters, White Powder To Multiple Elementary Schools.

Florida Man fired for farting at work and filming it now the subject of a documentary.

Ocoee Police search for woman accused of attacking Burger King employees.

Florida man discovers the person who hit his car and totaled it and drove away is the security guard who was patrolling his neighborhood to keep it safe — and the guy’s boss wants to keep the insurance company out of it. (Got all that? There will be a quiz at the end of the column.)

Milton man allegedly uses mirror to spy on bathing woman, through a hole in the wall.

Regarding that last item, ’80s teen comedy “Porky’s” (with the infamous shower scene) was set in Florida. Florida Man doesn’t know art, but he knows what he likes.

I’d Buy That for a Dollar

I got nothin’.

FLASHBACK: Florida Man Disguised as Woman Buys French Bulldog Puppy With Stolen Credit Card.

Meanwhile, in Montana…

By this time next week, we can only hope that Florida Man has been named an honorary air traffic controller after using his homemade flamethrower to guide airplanes to the runway at night during a power outage.

Which might be the least strange thing you read on the next exciting…

Florida Man Friday!