It's Florida Man Friday

It’s another thrilling week of adventure and mayhem with America’s favorite couple: Florida Man and Florida Woman.

Most Florida Man Story Ever (This Week)

A half-naked Florida man got molly-whopped by a grandmother after he tried to break into her car https://t.co/Souko9IPv6 pic.twitter.com/wK6uPnR6Pu

— Blavity News (@Blavity) June 8, 2019

Don’t you just love a happy ending?

Innovator of the Week (Early 20th Century Edition)

"Thought I looked cute, might delete later" 😘 —Unknown Woman, Tallahassee, Florida, 1900s pic.twitter.com/RatvnoI1w9

— Red Pocket Mobile (@RedPocketMobile) June 13, 2019

Did you know that Florida Woman invented the selfie over 100 years ago? Well, it’s true — or at least might be.

Truth in Advertising

#FloridaMan wearing "COKE" shirt busted for selling… yep, you guessed it. https://t.co/Y0kNcwAcGX

— WPLG Local 10 News (@WPLGLocal10) June 12, 2019

“Honestly, officer, I just wanted to buy an icy cold Coke Zero. Caveat emptor and all, but are the handcuffs really necessary?”

She Likes It Rough; Him, Not So Much

(Indian Harbour Beach Police Department)

Florida woman squeezed boyfriend’s genitals ‘until they bled.’

I had to get up out of my chair and pace around slowly for a couple minutes after reading this. If you need more details, you can click on the link, but you’d probably rather not. Lesson learned: Hell hath no fury like Florida Woman scorned.

You’ve Got to Fight for Your Right to Shower

Florida man attacked landlord who accused him of taking too many showers: report https://t.co/1MEfHaEuBl pic.twitter.com/qdkAEWhQuE

— New York Post (@nypost) June 13, 2019

Far be it from me to condone violence, but I’m taking Florida Man’s side on this one.

Florida Man: Freelance Crime Fighter

Florida man tricks suspected burglar into thinking iPhone was gun until cops arrived https://t.co/sOQjyafvwp pic.twitter.com/7ax2PGs1W2

— New York Post (@nypost) June 14, 2019

Pew, pew?

Busted

ONLY IN FLORIDA: Authorities say a Florida man tried to convince deputies that the cocaine on his nose wasn't his.

STORY: https://t.co/zES5Tghzgx pic.twitter.com/fL6QZcEBql

— WSVN 7 News (@wsvn) June 11, 2019

Possession is nine-tenths of the law, pal. On the other hand, if stuff you find around your nose counts as possession, maybe we’re all Florida Man.

Indeed We Are